Trapped in a Closet

http://www.r-kelly.com/index_main.html

Click on Videos, and watch all five chapters. It’s the worst thing ever.

It can’t possiby be as good as this:

http://www.luckykazoo.com/media/2005/03/cillit-bang-remix.html

(SFW)

It’s better/worse. Trust me. Just watch it.

The sad thing is, the hip hop/rnb community is drooling over it and hyping it up like its Shakespeare. I weep for them.

Wow… that was indescribably bad, yet amusingly so.

My favorite part (in addition to the most mundane rhymes imaginable) has to have been when the ending made no fucking sense whatsoever.

First it’s bad, then it’s funny, then it goes back to being bad after you realize this crap isn’t a joke, then it becomes absolutely hilarious. How can anyone take this stuff seriously? But, man, the rap audience is eating this up like it was Dark Side of the Moon.

Is there some sort of award for “special achievement in awfulness?”

It doesn’t make sense because it’s only half the story!

Yes, he’s announced that he is making parts 6-10. He performed part 6 at the VMAs. Insanity.

My favorite parts were the scenes involving the car.

How come he didn’t get Brett Ratner to do this shit?

“I try my best to quickly put it on viiiiiii-braaaaaaate…”

Awesome.

Oh, and you can now watch Trapped in the Closet as performed by The Sims:

http://gorillamask.net/rksims.shtml

The funniest thing ever was this magazine article I read about R. Kelly not long ago. Can’t remember the magazine (it was a friends) but in the article there’s this marvelous quote:

R. Kelly: “R. Kelly can’t read or write so good.”

Yes, R. Kelly speaking of R. Kelly in the third person about he can’t “read or write so good”.

priceless.

Could we perhaps be present at the birth of a new genre? Hip-Hopera?

Is he trapped in a closet with a fourteen year old?

At least she said she was married.

Mary/Kathy can blow me.

Uh, you do realize that’s pretty much the exact same thing as saying “the alternative rock/pop community”, right?

Hip-hop and R&B are not the same thing at all, no matter what Clear Channel tells you.

And while I can’t speak for “the hip hop/rnb community” as a single monolithic entity possessing only a single opinion, everyone I know who’s seen it thinks it’s alternately ridiculous and hilarious. Maybe you’ve just been polling R. Kelly fans?

This is great stuff. Makes it 100 times funnier.

Uh, you do realize that’s pretty much the exact same thing as saying “the alternative rock/pop community”, right?

Hip-hop and R&B are not the same thing at all, no matter what Clear Channel tells you.

And while I can’t speak for “the hip hop/rnb community” as a single monolithic entity possessing only a single opinion, everyone I know who’s seen it thinks it’s alternately ridiculous and hilarious. Maybe you’ve just been polling R. Kelly fans?[/quote]

:shrug:

And everyone I have talked to, including the media reporting on it, and the VAST popularity of the songs says otherwise.

Here’s his performance at the VMA show, performing Trapped In A Closet Part 6.

Here

I’m not sure what my favorite part is. The drunken, smarmy lech introducing it by claiming that Trapped in the Closet has “fused shaga with shong while inhabiting a shingle melody with characters more vibrant than in ANY feature film”? The way R Kelly frequently misses his lip-synching cues by up to thirty seconds? The way he pantomimes making out with an imaginary gay man?

luckykazoo.com

Priceless, the Michael Winner “it’s only a commercial” remix for E-sure is better though.

The sims version of R-Kelly is far superior to the original thing. It’s up there with Marylin Manson’s version of ‘Personal Jesus’ as possibly the most torturous thing my ears have been subjected to in the last 48 hours.

So when is he coming out of this closet?