I heard Giuliani was going to a farm in the countryside, where he can run around all day and chase rabbits.
2018 me: Hey, guess what?
2016 me: You again! What is it this time?
2018 me: Rudy Giuliani just resigned from his law firm because he screwed up an interview with a Fox News host.
2016 me: That doesn’t sound likely. They always treat him with kid gloves.
2018 me: He still screwed it up. Of course, he was in an indefensible position. There’s no way he could deny the President’s payoffs to that porn star. And the porn star’s attorney is running circles around Giuliani in the media - he just exposed a scandal where big companies were giving the President’s personal attorney millions of dollars to do nothing. Oh, also the porn star’s attorney is a race car driver.
2016 me: You could at least try to make this stuff plausible, you know.
Perhaps Giuliani can reprise his gig hosting AMC’s Mob Week again soon.
That was gonna be his announcement, but then his wife divorced him last week.
And Giuliani is portraying his resignation as a need to focus on the “pressing needs” of the Mueller investigation.
Which, when he joined Team Trump, he said he expected to have wrapped up in two weeks.
Two weeks ago.
That was a typo.
He meant that he’d have it CRAPPED up in two weeks.
Mission accomplished.
Wait wait I thought this was the Presidency for watersports news. I’m not into that scat shit.
Over/under on how long before Ttump fires him?
If they could find yet another doctor to write fictitious notes for them, their best tactic at this point would be to claim that Rudy has suffered some sort of brain cloud and will be seeking medical attention.
To be fair, no one at Novartis could have foreseen how terrible getting into bed with this President would turn out. I mean, if only there had been clear signs that his Presidency might be the least bit shady, then they could have prevented this.
I hear Waponi Woo is a beautiful place to visit this time of year…
We’re gonna need a smaller violin.
I’d love if they got investigated and it turned out they did do it and broke some laws in the process.
Rudy could be the king of outing people’s illegal activities with his sheer stupidity.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Eh, seems pretty sincere, and consistent with them being horrified by seeing a senior partner on national news advocating for that sort of attorney behavior.
Well then.