Vehicular Humorcide

Want some highway fun? Attach a few specially shaped balloons to your car:

Oh man, I can see him getting pulled over so fast. Especially in California.

Where do I order those?

You would SO get pulled over. But I think it would be worth it.

I remember when one of the two “giant meteor” movies was coming out (I think this was for Armageddon), the studio put a gigantic humongous banner on the side of a major building near a freeway here in LA. The banner looked exactly like the side of the building, except with an enormous smoking hole blown through it. IIRC the banner actually said “Armageddon” and the release date on it, but even so it jammed traffic (and 911 lines) solid until the authorities made them take it down.

That would be so worth it. Especially if you live on a military base or by some government buildings.

What a great excuse to ride at excessive speeds and take all corners on two wheels!

It would be even cooler to sneak up on someone’s car while they’re at a stoplight or something and attach one of these. They wouldn’t see it while there were sitting there, but as soon as they started driving it would sink down into view behind them. “Holy shit! I can’t shake it!”

You know, it’s times like these when I think about how dumb I can be. How gullible, narrow-minded, careless, knee-jerky, shallow, reactive, lemming-headed, and so forth. Then I read an anecdote like this and I feel SO GODDAMNED MUCH BETTER about myself. It’s like a self-esteemgasm.

I was going to post and say “Wow these things are funny LOLZERS but why would you get pulled over” and then this story makes me realize that people would call 911 because THE MISSILES ARE LAUNCHING AND THEY’RE TARGETING PICK-UP TRUCKS NOOOOOOO" and you’d get pulled over because minivans and Saturns would be spinning out and flipping over in efforts to avoid the blast radius.

That Armageddon anecdote really hurts. What’s the fucking point of being clever if idiots will ruin it for everyone later?

Also, what sort of dipshit sees a giant hole in a building and thinks “Oh, snap, I better call 911 or no one will know about the giant hole in the building!”

I thought they’d pull them over more the fact that the balloons might hinder other drivers from seeing the road, or hit pedestrains on the way around a corner, Etc.

[quote=“Guido_Jones”]

I thought they’d pull them over more the fact that the balloons might hinder other drivers from seeing the road,[/quote]
More than an 18-wheeler hauling factory-fesh Nissans does?

Physics lesson: balloons and/or things being pulled along don’t whip into a turn. Anyway, how fast do you take turns? But whatever.

86 miles per hour, as you well know.

So you speed up by a mile to take turns?

It really depends on how close I get to them in the cross walk. And it depends on the turn :)