Yeah, I’ll highlight this as a caution for anyone thinking about diving into Godforsaken. It’s not terrible but there is some really sketchy acting that brings down a few scenes that are supposed to be impactful.
The Tunnel - I liked it.
Beyond Dream’s Door - this is the most public access movie I’ve ever seen.
We watched Zombie for Sale the other night, a Korean zombie ‘horror comedy’ and we had a great time with it. Nuts and funny. Not as good as One Cut of the Dead, obviously, but better than Warm Bodies which it has some parallels with. Well worth checking out!
Pretty much all of this. It’s weird how gratuitously gory this is given how desperately it wants to be Carpenter in most other respects. I did end up enjoying it, but it’s nowhere near as powerful as The Green Room or as well done as Assault on Precinct 13.
The Puppet Masters - I love this movie. It’s not a good movie - the script is brimming with “this is some dumbass decision making”. But I still love it, although it has been awhile since I’ve seen it. But it’s a miracle the good guys pull this one out, as they continuously do obviously dumbass shit in the face of “alien organisms are taking over humans and trying to take over the world”. Almost every decision anyone makes in this movie is beyond stupid. The scientists never really figure anything out until it’s handed to them right when the movie needs them to figure it out so humanity can cobble together it’s next barely coherent step that will mostly succeed through luck.
But I love it all the same, as the endearingly goofy uncle offshoot of the bodysnatcher sub-genre. Where Sutherland gets to have his revenge for '78.
Also, reading about it on wikipedia I learned that Richard Belzer is apparently a conspiracy nut.
Oh man, I saw that in the theater when it came out, because it was based on a Heinlein novel that I’d read.
I remember nothing about it.
Well you aren’t really missing much :D. It’s a fun cast - Sutherland, Keith David, the underrated Julie Warner, Will Patton, and a crapload of “hey I know that guy” faces. Even the dude who plays Selleck’s manager in Mr Baseball shows up. The male is a sort of generically Hollywood handsome type who I don’t think I’ve ever seen in anything else, but is reasonably capable. The problems in this movie are all from the script. Seriously, people are just dumb-fuck stupid in this movie. Like we know the parasites hide under clothes, and are crafty. And yet when male lead chases someone who had been infected inside the HQ building and disappears from sight, *nobody bothers to check him even though we just got through a scene where everyone is being checked and the infected person initially gets away with a “cunningly” executed “made you look” move. It’s later stated the creatures are like 60% nervous system or something (or maybe it was brain matter), yet it takes discovering an isolated kid who turns out to have encephalitis (iirc, so brain matter I guess) for them to go “oh wait maybe we can use that to attack the parasites since it kills them so quickly, and then we can cure everyone”. Rinse repeat for most of the movie.
Still, it’s got kind of a fun adventure feel to it and everyone is trying hard enough. I guess it’s sort of a lighthearted bodysnatcher story, so it’s a nice contrast to the usually bleak tones and notes they usually deliver.
Next up for me is another exciting one from the “I used to stare at it in the video store but never saw it” collection: Defcon 4. Oh this is going to be a cheese fest and a half, I have no doubt. But it was a pretty box cover (crazy weirdo, uh, ?crashed? weapons satellite and a half buried astronaut who is just a skeleton).
Seriously what is that thing even doing. Is it crashed? Is it just hanging out in the middle of the poster? IDK. But I rather like the image all the same.
Warning Sign - Another staple from my youth, because it did a heavy rotation on Cinemax or something (for like 3 years). I watched this movie a million times. It’s not good, but I still find it kind of fun and it’s got Sam Waterson and Kathleen Quinlan (and a fairly recognizable supporting cast. . . for the era).
It’s basically what if the military base in King’s The Stand actually got locked down when Captain Tripps got loose, so there’s no outbreak proper. All the action is inside the facility, where Quinlan works as like chief of security and is trapped (Waterson is mostly outside providing moral support, although in act 3 he and Jeffrey DeMunn sneak in to help things out). Also this version of Captain Tripps turns people into homicidal maniacs that get sort of monstery looking over time.
Defcon-4 - not actually horror but I make the rules. Also, not very good (it’s not awful, but it’s sort of bland. The lead felt lacking; it felt like Michael Moriarity should have been in it.
Now that’s a phrase you don’t often see.
Listen, Moriarity brings a lot of class to a movie. A, uh, certain kind of movie. I’m just saying Defcon-4 is definitely one of those movies.
Dybubbuk Box - The Story of Chris Chambers - starring, Chris Chambers, as himself. And one other gal, as herself, although she barely shows up. Anyway, playing on the well known internet phenominon of pretending to sell special Jewish boxen that are possessed. Chris Chambers, played by Chris Chambers, decides to go for the real deal and heads to The Dark Web™ to buy one and then document it. Chris Chambers, played by Chris Chambers, then finds his life destroyed because he opens the box and there was a demon inside. So it’s a dash of Paranomal Activity and a bigger dash of whatever the exact opposite of Leaving DC is. Which is basically “bad”.
I just saw Bodies Bodies Bodies in the theater and effing loved it. Wasn’t sure what kind of movie it was, going in (surprise movie night with my wife) so the slowish start had me examining every shot for clues. Smartly written, extremely funny, and very tense, it’s as much a social thriller as a horror film. Amazing cast, too, and some real genuine surprises.
It’s easy to see it as the ‘stupid Zoomers’ movie, and there’s a lot of terrible, selfish, idiotic behavior that’s rightly mocked, but in the end it’s much more about how social dynamics, mistrust, and betrayal cause mayhem than anything special the kids do. It seemed to me like a horror-thriller that’s about social dynamics and mistrust with Zoomer trappings.
Your reaction to this will likely depend a good amount on how insufferable you find super rich young people. I loved it.
Scarecrow Lacy Chabert returns to her small home town from a failed stint in the big city, to sell the family farm. There she bumps into her two old flames, a school teacher (Robin Dunn) and, uh, fix stuff guy (dunno), and oh my is that a triangle? Ok I there’s also a scarecrow monster thing running around murdering people. But you’d be forgiven for thinking you were stepping into a Hallmark movie. Although you get murders before you get the actual Hallmark setup, so when the Hallmark setup arrives you’re sort of like “WTF”.
I don’t know if this was a SyFy movie. It feels like it was a SyFy movie, although the effects felt like a touch above to my eyes. But it’s that rote. The monster follows no disernable pattern of decision making even after the movie establishes there is supposed to be one (it wants to kill Chabert, last of her line. . . uh just because). It basically just shows up when we need some action. The adults and kids - Dunne is handling a school detention and there’s a few recognizable faces amongst the kids including Nicole Munoz of Pywacket - make a lot of stupid decisions along the way although there’s not much they can do about the scarecrow so I guess that mitigates some of the stupidity. Chabert has to lose her top to try and save fix it guy (showing off what felt like a cable TV appropriate amount of cleavage for a bit) but he doesn’t make it (whoops, no triangle). Rebellious boy and girl die, spectrum guy dies, secretly douchey new girl dies, Munoz’ love interest dies, Munoz dies (alas), even Dunne doesn’t make it. Assorted other randos die. Chabert manages to blow shit up and live, so good for her. A radio broadcast helpfully caps things off, as kids sing a deeply creepy fucking song about scarecrows because the town is celebrating it’s annual scarecow festival (which was in honor of trapping the beast way back in the day, and done so that nobody would forget about hat, but then everyone forgot except a couple of people. Also, uh, the beast is trapped in the basement area of a ramshackle barn and there’s no reason whatsoever it couldn’t have just gotten out whenever it wanted, but sure it was trapped.
Nobody is mailing anything in, except the script.
Prophecy (1979) - John Frankenheimer directed this goofball monster movie about a mutant bear rampaging in the woods near a river in Maine. Unfortunately, since it’s the late 70’s you can’t just have a film be about a mutant bear. You need a message, so here we have an industrial lumber mill’s pollution versus nature and the local Native American tribe, plus some weird couple drama between the two lead characters played by Talia Shire and Robert Foxworth.
There’s a hilarious scene of a vicious raccoon attack. There’s also this amazing bit where the mutant bear (called “Katahdin” by the Native Americans) sets upon some sleeping campers. I can’t decide if it’s awesome or dumb. Maybe it’s both!
Everyone laughs about “Prophecy” and, well, with good reason. But that movie gave me such nightmares when I saw it as a kid, I still get a little shiver when I see the VHS cover.
That one might be at the top of my ‘most 90s movie’ list. Walken and Mortensen are an absolute treat in this, and Stoltz and Casey Jones are no slouch either. It also has the most pronounced usage of that cheeseball ‘fire’ audio sample that was all over the place in the 90s when Walken visits the body at the coroner.
The Circle - You can’t do a “psych” twist ending if that portion of the film contains shit that you showed off before the event that spawns the psych. For fuck’s sake.
Also, I thought we agreed not to do these anymore. But at least do it right if you’re going to do it. For fuck’s sake.
Ha ha! You watched The Circle!
Yeah, the movie feels like one of those things where two guys come up with a script twist while drinking then write a movie around it.
Ugh indeed, the Circle was a terrible movie, with great casting.
I’m still pissed about it, TBH.