It’s been my experience that ninety-six percent of all date-nights begin as follows:
Me: “Where do you want to go for dinner?”*
Girl: “I don’t know/care. Where do you want to go?”
Me: “How about X?”
Girl: “No. I don’t want to go there.”
Me: “Okay. How about Y?”
Girl: “Meh. I don’t feel like going there either.”
Me: “Z?”
Girl: “Sure.”
Typically, I can’t get a decision out of Girl to save my life. Up until this morning I just figured it was a girl-thing, since this is the way it’s been for me in every relationship ever, but I was talking to a coworker and she complained about her husband pulling the exact same stunt. So, A) I am clearly a fool, and B) I’m wondering just how common this scenario is.
I do that and some of my friends (male and female) do that, which makes it a pain in the ass when we get together and are hungry. The quickest way to get around it is to move from “where do you want to go” to “well do you feel like Indian food or pizza?” instead of listing out places. That’ll usually prompt someone to be like “I’m in the mood for a burger” and then the arguments about the specific burger place to go to begins.
When I was dating, I would generally pick the place long before the date ever happened. “I’ll pick you up at X and we’ll go eat at Y. Does that sound good?” 99% of the time, she’ll say yes and it’s all good.
She’s not making a decision on the spot because she’s trying to be accommodating and not say no to a place that you want to go but aren’t being assertive enough about it. Girls generally don’t respond to indecision and waffling like that … pick a place, suggest it to her, and let her decline if she really doesn’t want to go there.
I skew towards being the Decider, because my wife really likes being swept away to somewhere surprising after being the Official Kids’ Tour Guide And Tantrum Soother all week. She doesn’t reject my choices because she doesn’t even know what they are :-) And I know her tastes well enough to keep her satisfied.
My wife and I both do that to one another quite a bit, but with different things. She does it when we’re going out to eat, and I do it when we’re picking a movie to watch for the evening. We drive each other nuts. There tends to be a fair amount of, “OK, then we’re doing this, like it or not,” out of exasperation. That tends to accelerate the process.
The quickest way to get around it is to move from “where do you want to go” to “well do you feel like Indian food or pizza?” instead of listing out places.
This is what I attempt to do, but it often gets thrown back to me to make the decision. Perhaps I should adopt the “We’re going here.” approach rather than the “would you like to go here?” one. Problem is I’m usually somewhat ambivalent so no “here” comes to mind.
Both me and my fiance do the same thing, but usually on different nights. On the odd occasion that we both can’t decide, it usually means ordering pizza.
Usually whoever comes up with the idea to go out in the first place eventually is forced to make a decision.
My wife won’t make a decision on going out to save her life. Or even what she wants to eat at home. But somehow, she never likes my suggestions. “Honey, what would you like for dinner?” “I don’t know.” “How about Italian?” “No.” “American?” “No.” “Mexican?” “Gawd, no.” “Asian?” “No.” “Sweatheart, what do you want?” “I don’t know.”
We’re having our first “date night” since our baby was born six months ago, and she’s shot down each place I wanted to make reservation. At this rate, date night’s going to be at In ‘N’ Out.
She’s great in every other aspect, but mealtime frustrates the hell out of me.
I normally cook dinner. When I don’t feel like cooking dinner I typically just suggest a place to go and my wife doesn’t normally care that much (I’m more of a foodie than she is). Occasionally she will have a craving for something specific and will suggest it - I go along in these situations.
Overall we rarely have much indecision or argument.
Some girls don’t feel like anything because they’ll only ever order the salad, anyway.
I’m also in the camp that if my suggestions are tossed down, she can figure it out. Unfortunately that often means we stay in and eat what’s in the fridge, which is fine since she’s a good cook, but not fine in that if we were discussing a restaurant in the first place, it’s the end of the week and we have nothing left in there but husks and leftovers.
My wife makes the decision but doesn’t want anyone to know.
Me: Where do you want to go?
Her: I don’t care. Anywhere you want to.
Me: Okay, then we’re going here.
Her: No, I don’t want to go there.
Me: Okay, then how about there?
Her: No. Not there.
Me: Well, tell me where you want to go then.
Her: How about there?
Me: Fine.
This has now been shortened to:
Me: Where do you want to go?
Her: I don’t care. You pick.
Me: That’s a lie, I’m not going to do this again. I’ll suggest somewhere and you’ll tell me no, so why don’t you just tell me where you want to go?
Her: You’re so suspicious. Okay, how about here?
Me: Fine.
It sounds more like they have some ideas, but their partners also have ideas, but are just reticent about sharing them. That isn’t really indecisive on either person’s part.
