Who watches the Watch Dogs?

Title Who watches the Watch Dogs?
Author Tom Chick
Posted in Games
When May 27, 2014

Someone who worked on Thief once said that stealth games make you feel like you're getting away with something. That's what I kept thinking while I watched SuicideMario shopping. I think that's what she was doing. She sat there in her car for a bit. She got it..

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Great write up! Have you tried the more hostile invasions, Tom? Observing is one thing, but hacking is another. And decrypting another still!

You cant even play the game close to proper and still need to write about it. Why dont you get a PS4 or proper PC? If you cant afford it, arent there more pressing issues than playing games at 10 FPS and writing about them?

A Hall and Oates reference? That is click bate if I have ever seen it.

Hahaha you think "The Last of Us, Bioshock, Gone Home, Bastion, Metro, or Grand Theft Auto V" have writing and characters in any way less wooden, stilted, two-dimensional and/or cliche-riddled as this rickety excuse for a sandbox game.

Read some novels before I come to your house and give you a swirly with one hand and play Tetris Attack with the other, you uselessly verbose simpering hypergeek.

Haha, Giaddon - Multiple split personality there? ;-)

Nevermind - weird stuff happening with the comments!

From now on, I'm just going to assume the main character of Watch Dogs is Adrian Paul, Highlander.

No matter what Watch Dogs is, that's a way better game.

Show me on the doll where the Tom Chick review touched you.

The hacking is my favorite. I haven't done the decrypting yet, because for whatever reason the server seems to take forever to find a third player. Plus, I think it would require activities that demand a decent framerate.

Good point about the more pressing issues! I shall forthwith write only about world peace.

You mean Hacklander?

There can only be one... and then a zero, followed by another one and then probably a torrent of zeroes and ones.

Without a stars rating, how will the metacretins help bolster the click ratings for this site? How will they fill the empty holes in their lives without belittling someone else? What a travesty! Blasphemy! Think of the children!

There's, you know, gradations. Game stories don't have to replicate the specific highs of other media to be better than other game stories. Also, I can tell you for a fact that there are novels worse than any of those game narratives by a long shot. Check out, for example, Miranda Leek's magnum opus "Twisted", which is an "erotic" paranormal romance about a were-rollercoaster.


I don't know if it is your PC, Totalbiscuit has a rig about as beastly as most mere mortals can dream of with a high end CPU and dual Titan video cards and even he can't get a solid 60 fps at ultra settings.
This game does not look good enough to justify that, hopefully they will release some patches to smooth out the frame rate on PC. Of course this is Ubisoft, so maybe that won't happen.
EDIT: I have a feeling you hate this kind of thing, but I would be interested in knowing the specs on your main reviewing PC, if you have such a thing. I am a total computer nerd here, so I obsess over this stuff.

No, I don't mind at all! I've got an Intel Core i7-920 CPU, 4GBs RAM, GTX 770 videocard, old-school non-SSD hard drive. For Watch Dogs, the RAM is the main issue, since the minimum specs are 6GBs. Ubisoft did say it will work with 4GBs, but to expect stuttering. And they were right! :)

Well thankfully that is about the cheapest thing to upgrade in a computer. Not a bad setup.
Do you upgrade it a little more often than you would if you weren't a games critic? Or is just being a gamer enough to justify the investment?
I know I pour more money into my computers than some people spend on their cars, of course the pace of advancement is slowing which is saving me money on video card upgrades but making me sad otherwise.

I don't really get your appreciation for gameplay systems in Ubisoft's soulless assembly line open world extravaganzas, Tom. They're all so incredibly shallow. Heck, they rarely even work together. Why do I even need to spend money on weapons in Assassin's Creed when using your bare fists works just as well. Why even bother with character upgrades when the games in question are pathetically easy and more or less plays themselves right from the start. Why empty some poor soul's bank account in WD when there's nothing in the game worth spending the money on ? What's the point of being stealthy when going in guns blazing is infinitely less time consuming and and way easier to boot. I think a well designed game should promote and reward different strategies on its own. In WD, being stealthy or clever only ever makes it harder on yourself.
As for the multi player. It's kinda like Dark Souls alright. Well, if the designers of Dark Souls didn't bother to snuggly integrate it with all the other systems in the game that is. In WD it's just sort of there. You don't really get anything out of winning, and losing doesn't seem to matter much either. Besides being an occasional annoyance when it keeps you from doing missions, multi player doesn't seem to have any sort of effect on Aiden or the game world. Should have been its own distinct mode I think.

World peace pays well, does it?