You think Uncle Joe is my Santa, schurem?
I know he is mine! To the gulag with dirty capitalist Santa!
Oh man, now that’s a cool shirt!
“Merry Communism” makes me laugh every time I see it.
Dear @JPR: Santa would like to inform you that your gifts have shipped. Expect a single package, which you can open very carefully using your dainty paring knife. Inside you will find a second box. Open that even more carefully, using only your incisors and a wet noodle. The contents are wrapped; look for a card.
Pics or it didn’t happen!
It has arrived! Now for the waiting.
I received a package in the mail today! I left it in the shipping implement and placed it carefully underneath the tree!
Dear @Editer: Your Santa would like you to know that the remainder of your packages should arrive on Tuesday. Open the shipping container and remove the wrapped contents (await opening day). Do not eat these. Instead, eat the perishable item which may arrive before or after this other item.
Perishable, nice.
Secret Santa, your package has arrived safe and sound on my doorstep.
Dear @Chris_Gwinn: Your Santa would like you to know that your gifts have shipped. Please read the following in your most theatrical voice: You will receive two packages on 12/13. Do not open these packages! Their contents are not wrapped. You will receive a third package on 12/17. Open the three packages together. Read the note stretched out across the three gift receipts. Post a video of your dramatic reading to confirm receipt of this message.
Organizer recommends that you bring your package inside.
Do not expose package to direct light. Do not speak in harsh tones around packages. If packages begin smoking, douse only in distilled water. Do not fulfill any requests made by the packages. Do not sign for delivery in a dream. If a fourth package arrives, leave it on the sidewalk in a circle of salt and a man will come at midnight to remove it.
I’ll post a video when I get home.
It would be kind of awesome to have my packages speak to me, assuming I do resist the reflexive instinct to just take out a bat and start bashing it.
I get that feeling with people too.
Fine. Here.
Bravo sir!
Now record yourself saying the following:
Stay awhile and listen.
YOU MUST GATHER YOUR PARTY BEFORE VENTURING FORTH!