Why Does Life Suck?

In the spirit of asking unanswerable questions it’s an one click answer.

Because God hates you.

Because God only loved us as long as we did what he said. Which was about a day. Then we ate that apple and he’s been making us suffer ever since.

God hates you.

Unless you’re a good Christian, then Buddha hates you.

Some deity hates you, anyway.

This guy seems happy with the whole plan.


How do I post pictures?

What did he feed that thing?

We need a Wiki explaining the meta threads. I’m starting to get confused.

Is ScurvyPig somebody’s alt.

I know camel spider don’t actually grow this large, but this picture still gives me the heebie-jeebies.

You can’t because you suck.

This thread needs a clock spider repost:

Also: Dos, Tres

Because that’s all you’ve chosen to concentrate your mind on.

Life sucks because you have failed to live up to your own unreasonable expectations. Just an educated guess.

Actually, after checking with snopes, that’s exactly how large they are, that one is just close to the camera. Look at the spider compared to the guy’s sleeve right next to it.

Life sucks a lot of the time, but it doesn’t have to, ever.

I hate spiders. There was one dangling in the door way of my room as I walked in. I tried to destroy it when it was on the ceiling but it fucking jumped away. I never saw it again. Yesterday my brother couldn’t get inside the house because two spiders had created an elaborate web matrix in the entry way. I had to slide him a broom! He killed one, but the other escaped!!!

Spiders are great, don’t kill spiders.

most of us currently live in western democracies, with freedom of speech, of press, of religion, with guarantees of life, liberty, and property in practical and real world implementations of our greatest enlightened philosophers. we probably have decent jobs and near unlimited opportunities for leisure, travel, or social/economic/political activities that would blow the minds of people of the last century, or even the minds of possibly 75% of this planet, easy. we are safe, with easy access to medicine and hospitals, communicating with each other at near the speed of light over distances that killed the best and bravest explorers of the past and took weeks to cross at maximum speed.

the reason life sucks is because we are conceited, self absorbed, and totally unable to view a world beyond a three foot radius around our head.

and if it weren’t for spiders the fucking bugs would eat us alive.

So what else you got going in that wild kingdom? Maybe just a gladiatorial contest between roaches and spiders or is it a sanctuary?

Motherfuckin’ don’t tell me not to kill motherfuckin’ goddamn shit-sucking fuckball spiders, motherfucker.

We have a back porch with a sliding door that opens out from our bedroom. We had our little girl’s wading pool out there. She’s 19 months old and the best human alive.

Fucking hot day, my wife’s out there with our sweetie pie, and she screams and bangs on the door. I open it and she hustles in with our little one, and says, “Huge black widow. Right there. By the pool.”

I go out there, and there’s a huge-ass spiderweb alright. I tear it down, and fucker comes crawling out. Easily an inch and a half across, body half an inch large. Black fucking widow spider. Biggest one I ever saw. Two feet from the wading pool.

I smashed the hell out of it. Over the ensuing two days we killed NINE MORE BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS outside our house, one more in the garage, another in the sun room. Then we called the goddamned exterminator.

Fucking thing could have bitten my baby girl and sent her to the hospital in total fucking agony.

So yeah. MOST spiders are all nice and fluffy dandy. But some motherfucking spiders – the big black fuckers that can’t even make a decent web, but fuck me if they don’t have a blood-red hourglass on them, and what the fuck is THAT about – I will hunt to the end of the earth.

What are the symptoms of a spider bite?
A black widow spider bite gives the appearance of a target, with a pale area surrounded by a red ring. Severe muscle pain and cramps may develop in the first two hours. Severe cramps are usually first felt in the back, shoulders, abdomen and thighs. Other symptoms include weakness, sweating, headache, anxiety, itching, nausea, vomiting, difficult breathing and increased blood pressure. Young children, the elderly and those with high blood pressure are at highest risk of developing symptoms from a black widow spider bite.


Life sucks because we always find ourselves chasing the dragon of: our first love/kiss/high/whathaveyou but not the actual result of those things (because they usually sucked and were horribly overrated to begin with), but the thrill of it. The newness. We want to forget we are going to die someday, maybe tomorrow, maybe even sooner. We want to do all the things there are to do but it’s impossible, and we hate missing out. We want every date to feel like the first (or third, depending on how you look at it) date, but we want to go in knowing that it turns out okay, which is impossible. We want to do all the things we did wrong over. We want what we can’t have and can’t always value enough the things we do have. We take for granted even the largest of comforts - until they are gone, then we become self-absorbed in their loss. We are obsessed with the new, and the bygone old. We feel life owes us something, no matter how little we’ve actually done to deserve it. We want to be perfect, but everyone hates people who act perfect, so it’s a self-defeating mission of disappointment, anxiety, and resentment. We always want more. Someone is always jealous, and sometimes it’s you. We want all the things that made us happy to keep making us happy, but they often don’t, and we are left anxious and wanting for the lack of their security. Because we can never go to slepp, or wake up, when we really need to. Nobody really seems to get us. The movies lie or worse, tell a story we are never quite capable of having told in our own lives, and we’re bitter. Somebody we trust always eventually tells us we weren’t all that good at something we used to think we were awesome at, years later, to our profound embarassment. Someone’s always able to do it better, because they have the time, talent, or money. We say it or do it, and can’t take it back. Nobody just forgets or forgives, not even us. The pain never feels like it will go away. You can’t imagine feeling better. Everyone’s advice is wrong. Nobody is really listening to you when you talk. You find you weren’t listening to anyone else either, even when they were crying for help as best as they knew how. She stays with him, even though he beats her. He stays with her, even though she lies and sleeps around. They use their kids to get back at each other. Many religions are a lie. Your government doesn’t care. Your parents split up when you were a kid and nobody bothered explaining that to you, nor showed you what a strong couple is like, who is in love and how to act towards each other every day, just people who may have loved briefly and are now just bitter and resentful. Deep down, you know it’s mostly or completely your fault. We asked out the wrong person. The wrong person asked us out. He never called. She never answered. We said Not this time but did it again anyway, because we never seem to learn. Our parents can turn us into children with one word, our children turn us into strangers with none over the course of years. We have close family we may never speak to again, because it’s too late or we always figure tomorrow will do or maybe there’s just no goddamned way it could happen, things being what they are. We miss her, him, but she’s never coming back. He’s never going to magically become that person you thought he might be. She’ll never look at you that way ever again. But you wish she would, you wish he could, and some part of you knows you’ll die full of those wishes.

Life sucks because Bill doesn’t make paragraphs when he’s drunk.

But at least he doesn’t type in all caps either.