I really don’t like customers. At least, some customers. The problem is that people have continuously spouted off the eternal gem “The customer is always right.”
This has come up as some sort of propagandistic clause sited as the reason for what boils down to saying “I should get my way”. It is similar to our craze with diamonds, planted in our societal subconcious by a cynical marketer. But the plain truth is that customers are wrong more often than not. And the thing that makes these people so annoying, so disgusting, so goddamned fucking aggravating, is that they have no idea about how to purport themselves in a civilized manner.
The other day, as I was dining in a BBQ establishment, the service was a bit slow. This was a new business, bugs remained to be worked out. The couple next to me in the place were pissed because their ribs took more than 24 minutes to be prepared and delivered. Yes, I can certainly understand their annoyance at this delay in gustatorial satisfaction. But what I am absolutely incapable of understanding is why they decided that the appropriate censure was not to ask for a refund or even speak to the management, but to stiff the waitress after berating her. Good job, cocksuckers. Why don’t you make sure to club those baby seals on your way to the SUV, which you will use to cut off a schoolbus full of crippled orphans before parking in a handicapped space to buy the latest issue of Cigar magazine? This behavior was seriously out of line, especially considering the waitress stopped by repeatedly to explain the delay and apologize.
Another example was posted right here on this very forum, but a gentleman who shall remain thinly veiled by me not mentioning his name (though one could certainly search and find it easily enough). Demanding a refund for watching a shitty movie is one thing. If the place agrees, you get your money back. If not, you are out of luck. You do not scream and shout and threaten a fucking lawsuit over your 14 bucks because you had the incredibly fucking poor judgement to purchase tickets to “Freddy Got Fingered”. I would run naked through the lobby screaming about the aliens and Martha Stewart fucking me in the ass with a turkey baster before I would even ADMIT to seeing that movie, let alone PAYING for it! I think there were perhaps 3 and a half reviewers who did not call “Freddy Got Fingered” the worst movie of the year.
The final on my trio of stupid ass customer moments is the time when I was asked to phone the police and file a theft report BECAUSE THE ATM DIDN’T DISPENSE ANY MONEY. “I’m sorry, sir/ma’am, the bank is closed, call them on Monday and they will take appropriate action.” The reply to this? Screams and shouts about having me arrested as an accomplice to the theft of her 40 dollars. Brilliant. Simply fucking brilliant.
So let’s look at the moral of the story here. Basically, as a customer, you can get your way by being persistant, polite, and rational. Or, you can attempt to get your way by being a complete fucking jackass. But let’s look a little deeper. Who are you talking to? A flunky. They have no personal investment in you or your problem, and the bigger a jerk you are, the less likely they are to want to help you. That’s right. If you were to call me up and start yelling and screaming, I would probably just quote some policy at you and hang up. If you’re polite, then I will be on your side and help you, unless your request is patently stupid. Secondly, you’re talking to another person. Have you stopped to consider who you are talking to? The waitress does not have any control over the kitchen! The manager does not make the films! The guy on the tech support line didn’t build your fucking computer or wire up your cable modem, and he makes about 6 bucks an hour talking to angry assholes. He doesn’t have the authority or the skills to fix the problem right away. So stop your yelling and be polite. You’ll accomplish more, and furthermore, you won’t be acting like a spoiled child.
So basically, I guess my point is that if you’re the kind of person who feels the need to yell and shout at people over something so small as a movie ticket or a meal, you need to grow the hell up. You’re likely not the person who would come home and kick a dog because your boss gave you trouble, so why is it ok to verbally kick another human? It’s not.