Will I go to hell for this?

For the past few days, someone has been leaving a BMX bike parked in the apartment hallway about 3 feet from the front door to my ground-floor apartment. He just leaves it there overnight. I figured, whatever, someone will steal it and he’ll learn his lesson.

But then I got home tonight to see TWO bikes parked outside my apartment door. It kinda annoyed me. (A), they’re left alongside my outer wall, and it makes my entryway look ghetto, and (B), it’s pretty irresponsible to just leave your stuff out overnight.

Am I a bad person for making this sign and taping it to the outside wall?

I think it’s only evil if you put up the sign while the bikes are already there.

The “polite” thing to do is to leave discrete notes on the bikes themselves. If that doesn’t work, you could start disassembling their bikes for them in the middle of the night. Just for kicks, throw a couple of extra parts into the pile.

Alternately, you could put up a sign listing your bike-storage fees, along with the usual “not responsible for lost or stolen property” disclaimer.

  • Alan

Not if you snap some photos of it up with the bikes in the frame.

If you really want to scare them (and scar them for life) just print out a mosaic of goatse, tubgirl, and lemonparty and place it on the bikes. They’ll get the message.

Put a small “the” between FREE and BIKES. That way you’re just exercising your right to protest.


Assuming that this entry way is exclusively yours, then I would just move the bikes. If it’s not, then you need to leave a note to let them know it’s causing problems. After that take it up with the apartment management.

I don’t want to touch the bikes because they aren’t my property. If anyone asks, it wasn’t me. If someone presses the issue, it’s performance art.

note: I’ll actually feel bad if someone steals the bikes or my sign (which used up 25% of my blue printer ink), but I really just could not resist.

Awesome :)

Dude, what if they’re GHOST BIKES and they live in the same apartment as you?!?!?! OOOOOooOOOOO

Totally worth it.

I wish people would steal my bike after something like that.

If you are going to hell for that, send us some nice pictures.


else put up the sign when the bikes aren’t there… And if they still show up after (and take down the sign) leave a note on them… still there? I’d let all the air out of the tires.

The disassembling them is a GREAT idea (esp. with tossing in extra parts) but requires a lot of effort…

Pardner, you’re going to hell for the stuff you’re not every gonna tell us.

Good show, old boy. Are the bikes still there?

What’s the follow up? That’s hilarious, btw.

11:51am: One bike and one sign gone.

Now you need to make another “Free Bikes” sign, with fine print at the bottom that says “Sign is not free.”

Take the seatpost out, fill the frame with sand, put the seatpost back.

Goddammit Wong, that ruled.

You’re definitely going to the special hell for this – but I only wish I was clever enough to join you there. :)