Wisdom and Aphorisms from President Trump: Great Leader, Great Teacher, Great Supreme Commander, Great Helmsman of our Nation


If Jacob Wohl were cage lining, Peanut the Parrot would not even deign to poop on him.


I wish someone would seal Jacob Wohl in a vat of wildebeest urine.



If you keep going into a hipster coffee shop, either it’s not a hipster coffee shop or you’re a hipster.


I live in what is majority Trump country, and I am amazed how every time I walk into a shithole diner all the rednecks are whispering about how much they love the ACA and Obama’s economic policies. Weird.


Lies, there’s no such thing as a shithole diner. All diners are amazing.


Wouldn’t hipsters all use public transportation or drive electric vehicles? How are they saving money on fossil fuels?


Just stay out of Waffle House after midnight on Saturdays.


I literally had second dinner at a waffle house on the way home from a concert last night/this morning. It was gloriously awful.


Waffle House is like meth.

It’s bad, but it makes your body feel good, until you die from it.



Sometimes I lie awake at night, thinking about how scary it is that a moron like Donald Trump is in charge of a superpower like the United States. Then I realize it’s even worse: it’s Sean Hannity and Fox & Friends that hold the real power, he’s just a meatpuppet that does whatever the eunuchs tell him.


Finish your gaming room in the basement and hope that you can somehow slip into the VR game world and get out of this one. That’s the best I got.



Not his official salary, that’s nothing. He means the sweet deals, the kickbacks, “future consulting” contracts, etc.



sounds like Mueller will be recommending action on all of the crimes.



“I appreciate his loyalty” means “I better not read about any book deals”


“They only have roughly 20 dedicated White House lawyers and a bunch of detailees who could leave at any time,” one former White House official told POLITICO. “I don’t think anyone who is paying attention thinks they are prepared for a Democratic takeover.”


Not surprising given that they were unprepared for their own takeover! Our government is such a joke right now. Thanks GOP!