We started a talk at work the other day about the worst horror movies we’d ever seen.
So I was wondering what the Qt3 folks think are the worst ones.
My pics are:
Humanoids of the Deep
It’s Alive (has to be almost the DUMBEST thing I ever seen)
Galaxy of Terror
Troll 2. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105643/
Manos: The Hands of Fate http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060666/
Dracula vs Frankenstein http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067017/
All genuinely awful - especially Troll 2 and Manos (and especially especially Troll 2) - but also hypnotically watchable.
Uncle Sam: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118025/
Leprechaun in the Hood: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209095/
Bones: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0166110/
‘Manos’: The Hands of Fate is the worst movie ever, so it wins the worst horror movie category as well.
Bruce
When I was just a young Madkevin - more like Peevedkevin at that age, really - they opened up a Blockbuster in my hometown. Now, keep in mind this is early 80s we’re talking about, and VCRs were still a reasonably uncommon household item. Until the Block, we only had a few mom ‘n’ pop type video shops with a piss-poor selection. So the Blockbuster was like video Mecca as far as we were concerned.
Because this was before the intarweb and all, my friends and I didn’t know enough about movies to be able to make any real judgements on quality. Hence, we came up with a perfect idea: we’d watch every single horror movie Blockbuster had - alphabetically. We’re talking about 150 or so movies. We figured we could average about five a week and still keep up with the new releases.
This is the kind of thing that I literally couldn’t imagine doing nowadays, sort of like the movie geek equivalent of a summer long acid bender. (Which I also did, but that’s another thread.) On the plus side, I accidentally stumbled across some really great movies I probably wouldn’t have watched otherwise (like Dan O’Bannon’s awesome Dead & Buried, or a bunch of classic Val Lewton movies). On the negative side, I watched a LOT of absolute crap.
So believe me when I tell you: The Orphan is the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen. First of all, the cover tricked us into thinking it was part of the Friday The 13th series, which it is not. Second: it has that awful low-budget post-dubbing that even then drove me fucking nuts. And third: NOTHING HAPPENS. It’s like the dullest fucking horror movie ever made. I can only assume that it may have started life as a murder mystery or drama or something, and then the producers decided to cash in on the late 70s horror boom and re-edit and market this piece of trash as a horror movie, except they forgot to film ANYTHING SCARY OR VIOLENT.
In short: Fuck The Orphan.
Spoken like a true somebody who hasn’t seen Troll 2.
What, six posts in and no one has mentioned even one Uwe Boll flick? For shame.
Gore-Met: Zombie Chef from Hell makes Manos look like…well, not Citizen Kane, but at least Citizen Torgo.
Yow! Galaxy of Terror! I watched that 1000 times when I was about 8, and it’s gotta be a contender.
H.
Good lord, I couldn’t stand it. But when you 8, crap seems pretty good. I think power rangers is a good indication of that.
Pretty When You Cry. It’s more suspense than horror maybe, but it’s the worst film ever made. Seriously, do not even attempt to watch it. Unless you like seeing a mildly hot starlet with big fake boobs get beaten, chained to a bed and raped by her husband while she cries covered in her own blood. My penis has never forgiven me, and I Cinemax, for watching that film (the first 20 minutes, I stopped in revulsion after that). Yeah, she and her schlub pal kill him and bleah bleah, but to Hell with that. Hey Jamie Kennedy: PICK BETTER ROLES.
Daughters of Satan (featuring Tom Selleck!)
Attack of The Killer Shrews (featuring dogs in wigs!)
Both these films surpass their potential for being hilariously bad by being both incredibly bad and almost unwatchably boring.
Phantom of the Opera; in particular, the one done by Dario Argento in 1998. He changed the story big time to a real gore fest, which was a cool way to revisit it. But it was so bad, that despite my love for B-rated horror movies and Phantom, I turned it off halfway through and sent it back to Netflix. Awful, awful movie.
Also, Creepshow 2 was pretty foul, especially considering how great the first one was.
Three words: Red Zone Cuba.
Bitter Cynic, it’s ironic to me that two of your movies caused me fierce trauma in my early years. Of course you are right that these movie are terrible, not to mention terribly silly, but you couldn’t have convinced my innocent little cub scout self of it.
Sure, Humanoids from the Deep is awful, but when I remember how horrible the idea of those vaguely amphibian rubber suits raping those poor beachgoing girls was. And that ‘birth’ scene was the source of many nightmares - of course I hadn’t seen ‘Alien’ yet and didn’t pick up on the ‘homage’ if you will.
And then there is ‘It’s Alive.’ Now as silly as this sounds, the film terrified me as a child and I never even saw it. No, I only caught the trailer when my mother dragged me along to see something else (cheaper than a babysitter) - the rotating pov shot of the baby crig, with the jack in the box or whatever infantile music, until it reveals a baby’s arm draped over the side that had claws! Sure, you laugh now, but when I was little that was terrifying. I have been tempted to pick up the dvd just to see if they included that trailer but I hesitate only because of my remembered terror. Really now, do I laugh or cry?
But in the spirit of the thread, here are my nominations for worst horror movie:
Prophecy, because a mutant bear isn’t terribly scary. I wish I still had the gif of the exploding sleeping bag to share, though.
Man’s Best Friend, that dog was actually kind of cute. Though that bit with the dog swallowing a neighborhood cat whole was pretty cool. Almost as good as the snake that projectile vomited Jon Voight.
Shocker, though it was fun watching Assistant Director Skinner possessing household appliances from beyond the grave.
Who am I kidding, I can’t bring myself to hate any of these terrible movies. I live for this stuff.
Awesome thread, I love crap horror movies!
My Frog-loving brother was given this by a friend. We figured it would at least be a “so bad it’s good” movie, but it is so awfully boring it doesn’t quite make it to that level. Furthermore, the people aren’t even killed off by frogs. Spiders, snakes, alligators…yes. But not frogs. If you skip over the dull parts to the death scenes, it does get elevated to “so bad it’s good” status. In one scene, a man gets locked in a greenhouse with a giant snake. The snake knocks a can of generic brand POISON off a shelf which kills the guy.
Does Maximum Overdrive count as a horror movie? Because it truly did suck.
I watched Skeleton Man on Sci-Fi. Does that count? It was a horror movie, and it was REALLY bad.
The Manitou. I saw this as a kid in 1978. From IMDB: “A psychic’s girlfriend finds out that a lump on her back is a growing reincarnation of a 400 year-old demonic Native American spirit.”
And it has Tony Curtis in full 70s clothes glory screaming a lot. Pure awesomeness.