Worst thing you'll see all week: Centurion

Title Worst thing you'll see all week: Centurion
Author Tom Chick
Posted in Movie reviews
When October 12, 2011

British director Neil Marshall had a memorable enough introduction with the amateurish but enthusiastic Dog Soldiers, which was Aliens, but with British soldiers in the woods instead of Colonial Marines in space, and werewolves instead of xenomorphs..

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Ha ha, you liked something with Channing Tatum.

Actually, Channing Tatum was the one good thing in the otherwise dreary "The Dilemma", so perhaps I shouldn't write The Eagle off yet. Hurm.

I saw this last year, it was pretty terrible. I do not recommend anybody checking out this movie.

Jesus, Tom, The Eagle?

What on earth could be so terrible about this film that you'd suggest people watch The Eagle instead?

Anyway, everyone knows that Spartacus was the best sword and sandal ever made, and directors should stop trying to match it. They can't, the end.

Also I love the half constipated half terrified look of that woman in the picture. I feel like it belongs on an edition of Everybody Poops (For Adults) (Yes That Means You, Ladies).

Gorlacon is obviously the Decepticon that enjoys bondage and transforms into a Golden Beetle.

That woman is Oleg Kurylenko, the Bond girl from the last movie. They turn her from hot to this. The Eagle looks average but this it really can't be as bad as this.

So, wait, is this better or worse than the Pakistani zombie film?

Tom I think you missed the real "babe" in this movie, that isn't Bond Girl up there, but the hut witch called Imogen Poots. And I'm not making up her last name. She is like a slimmer version of Kate Winslet.

Oh, I didn't miss Miss Poots. She was another hot Pict chick, along with the director's wife, who played the other Pict hunter, the one who gets an arrow jammed into her eye. But, yeah, poor Miss Poots' name. She was in 28 Weeks Later and, most recently, the Fright Night remake.

They're both bad in different ways. But if you're referencing the name of the feature, "Worst Thing You'll See All Week", I recommend not watching them in the same week so as to avoid any unpleasant side effects.

Channing Tatum is really good in an indie movie called Your Everyday Guide to Household Saints. As is Shia LaBouef. I am entirely serious.

I think I went to Gorlacon IV back in '82

You liked "The Eagle"? Bleedin heck... Possibly one of the worst book to film conversions ever, so disappointing....

On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you that Marshall didn't end up directing Drive?

I watched Ironclad on Netflix last week and was shocked at how good it was. Seconded! The movie got extra points by being way more historically accurate than I had imagined when I looked it up on Wikipedia afterword...

Pretty surprising, huh? Just be sure not to make the mistake of watching the Ironclad director's previous movie, in which Tom Hardy needs a haircut badly but instead fights a CG minotaur.

I would disagree. It is not that bad of a movie, maybe it was not the director's best movie, but still, i would never put it in the worst thing I have seen in any week watching it. That honor would go to any movie put out by the sci fi channel. That being said, considering that this is one of the only movies that tells of the Roman war with the Picts, I have to give it some props. I give it a grade of B, not bad, but it could have done better.

Actually I watched both of them in fact watching Certurion. Actually I like it better than the Eagle, at least the depiction of the Picts were more realitic. can't say much about the roman history as Aglorica would have been long dead by this time. What I would like to see a movie that depicts the Picts as the good guys. after all they were only fighting to stay a free people.

There are few films which deal with the Picts or Celts and of the more recent Centurion is by far the BEST. It’s less epic hollywood style suits the actual history. It is somewhat documentary like. If you prefer marvel superheros you won’t like it. If you like the romans you will probably hate it. They were an occupying force much like the Nazis who murdered raped and enslaved. Boodica was seeking revenge for the rape of her daughters romans when she rose in rebellion. Many in modern Scotland and Northern England admire the history of our ancestors struggle against such a brutal military occupation. I live only a few miles from the roman wall and was born in Newcastle. My own ancestry is from Haddingtonshire in lothian and Kincardineshire on the east coast, Pictland.
I enjoy seeing these few newer films which are finally trying to look at the fascinating history of these brave people, one of the few tribes and places to defeat the romans. It was great to see the use of genuine pictish symbols carved on stones and the use of language. The pictish tongue is lost to us but i thought this was a very good effort. The depiction of a bereaved father was so much better than the eagles depiction of the sea peoples chief callously murdering his own son. The clothes and homes could have been more colourful as the ancient britons were known to love coloured cloth. However as the film depicts a beaten downtrodden pictish people i can forgive them that. A look at druids and storytelling and playing the lyre and tribal singing would have been nice. But again i say the film is about war. As for the war the depiction was superb. The picts were well known for taking heads and the brutality of battle scenes was accurate. The women were depicted as fierce warriors as they in fact were. The combat between Etain and the general was accurate.Well done. Best film about Picts and Romans i have seen.