ANALOGY ROUND UP: the Serenity Now WoW thread (long, AIM)

Games
1

We had a lot of fun reading this thread.

It’s the equivalent of mocking someone sobbing about a dead relative on an old telephone party line, back before they had direct dial.

Fussbett: A favourite analogy style of mine. The likening of the present to something with which we can all relate: the technology of our great-grandparents.
ToutSuite: yeah, all those bastards back then, mocking people on the party line. Until AT&T set up PvP party lines.
Fussbett: I guess this means soon WoW will evolve from the antiquated party line to the modern direct dial at which point you can call up your desired cow-avatar player and discuss your dead relatives in private.
ToutSuite: yeah, funerals will be two person affairs, or large group affairs conducted single file.
Fussbett: No gankers though, but maybe phreakers. Hard to say. The future is tough to predict.
ToutSuite: All I know is the game will be much better. Much like the analogies, we’re just warming up.

Would you go streaking someone’s funeral, in front of their friends and family, in real life because you didn’t like the guy?

ToutSuite: YES. I mean, as long as there was a changing room nearby. I’m not streaking TO the funeral, because I don’t know if I dislike everyone who might see me naked on the way.
Fussbett: Another great analogy style, I get to imagine myself in a hypothetical moral dilemma. The First Person Shooter of analogies.
ToutSuite: yeah, this analogy transports you from the humdrum world of playing WoW online and lets you use your imagination to explore new mundane worlds of alleged offenses
ToutSuite: your only cost: reporting back how bad you think they’d make you feel
Fussbett: This analogy is sound because showing people my cock is a lot like killing their WoW character.
ToutSuite: actually, you would have to recruit about 30 of your friends to also show their cocks.
ToutSuite: Suddenly I think the joke is more on you than on the mourners. So this analogist wins either way.
ToutSuite: checkmate.
ToutSuite: (chess analogy)

Alright. Say you’re at the mall. Say you see a 450 pound retarded kid pouring his
pizza-flavored milkshake down the front of his overalls.

The moment that you point and laugh at him, he’s no longer the most pathetic person in the building.

ToutSuite: If I saw someone spilling a pizza flavored milkshake, I’d cry at the inhumanity of wasting that delicious drink
Fussbett: The kid is so fat, he’s drinking pizza milkshakes. Fat people aren’t content with regular chocolate. Don’t laugh at that!
Fussbett: This guy really made a mockery of a fat child, and then chastized us for even THINKING about laughing. I wasn’t the one who came up with the pizza drinking fatso, pal.
ToutSuite: He’s no longer the most pathetic person. Most pathetic person? The non-retarded janitor mopping up the pizza shake.
ToutSuite: This is a very detailed analogy.
Fussbett: What about the mother of the fat kid? I guess she’s Blizzard. Or society.
ToutSuite: How does he know that retards like pizza shakes? And would know where to get them? I’m a college graduate, and I still haven’t found one.
Fussbett: They’re the drinks of choice for the lowest forms of life. But don’t you dare laugh, you cocksucker.
ToutSuite: Not me! I don’t want to be pathetic.
Fussbett: Why can’t you nuture and protect the sick abomination that was invented in this guy’s crazy head?
ToutSuite: What should I do, then? Make a big show of ignoring the pizza shake spillage?
Fussbett: Enroll him in an afterschool program or something, you heartless jerk.
ToutSuite: Really, what I should be doing is making sure anyone who DOES laugh knows what a fag they are.
Fussbett: This analogy excercise is to fine out who we should be laughing at. There are some pizza-flavoured red herrings.
ToutSuite: Well, so far I’ve learned not to laugh at anyone. Hopefully this will be refined further.

Except the 450 LB retard in question is being roleplayed in an online video game, and you’re pointing at him and sneering.

ToutSuite: I like when people snap the analogy back to reality
Fussbett: That guy was issued a big dose of correction milkshake.
ToutSuite: PSH, your analogy might hold water if we were talking about ACTUAL 450lb retards sipping pizza shakes. But, sir, we are talking about virtual ones.
ToutSuite: I suggest you recalibrate.
Fussbett: He’s putting the analogy back into the virtual realm, which really removes the sting of the original analogy.
ToutSuite: Yeah, I don’t feel so bad for the retard now that I realize he’s not real. Side benefit: I don’t feel so bad for myself for laughing at him.
ToutSuite: In fact I wish I’d laughed a little louder, and a little longer.
Fussbett: What if you laugh in the MMORPG but NOT in real life. Like when I type LOL but really my face didn’t even move?
ToutSuite: Well, this hasn’t been breached yet, but another thing you’re not supposed to do is laugh in the MMORPG and then tell everyone you laughed.
ToutSuite: We need a new acronym, like LUMB - laughing under my breath
ToutSuite: SALWS - stifling a laugh while smirking
Fussbett: Ok, time to take off your thinking cap. Here comes a real simple analogy.

How about a real simple analogy: Let’s say someone here at Qt3 hosts a game of
Counterstrike. Clearly, it’s okay for any of us to kill any of the others (team-killing aside I guess), as that’s what the game is all about. But as soon as someone starts injecting completely tasteless comments, then yes, I believe that’s out of line. As an example, let’s say one of the players had a death in his/her immediate family and everyone was aware of it. Now how would you feel if someone starting making denigrating remarks about his/her recently deceased family member during certain moments of the game?

ToutSuite: fuck, for a simple analogy there’s a lot of “Let’s says” in there. I might need a flow chart.
Fussbett: He refutes his own point right in the second sentence of the analogy. You can kill anyone. Well, not anyone.
ToutSuite: Yeah, he agrees it’s okay to kill anyone, except maybe your own team? He guesses? He didn’t think this analogy through.
Fussbett: His simple analogy has a few points that confuse him. Should a simple analogy need an example? Upon re-reading I see that his point is “Should you make fun of someone in a game?” He sure butchered that.

Do you all leave your front dooors unlocked on Christmas?

Fussbett: Now that’s simple. He leaves the answer and ramifications up to us.
ToutSuite: Is that for Santa Clause? I thought he used the chimney.
ToutSuite: He’s asking us to answer as a group.
Fussbett: He should’ve made a poll.
ToutSuite: So, I’m guessing the answer is no, because what are the chances we ALL do that?
Fussbett: Probability is low, yes.
ToutSuite: Okay, so what conclusion can we draw from that? Not everyone is as thoughtful to Santa? But some people are?

This is like complaining about the Bad Guy Professional Wrestlers.

ToutSuite: I think the point is that it shows how dumb you are and plus this guy is also pointing out that he knows wrestling is fake.

Just because someone is a dipshit doesn’t make it OK to fuck with them for giggles. For example, just because you defend assholes doesn’t make it tight for me to prank call your boss and get you fired, right?

ToutSuite: I love a threat veiled as an analogy!
Fussbett: Yeah this is really pushing the limits of analogy making.
ToutSuite: It’s a cruise missile right into the guts of the poster he’s responding to
Fussbett: Plus I think gangsters say “tight”!
ToutSuite: The intent: to slap you across the face with a cold dose of reality. It was all fun and games until you got fired because this guy called your boss and said…
ToutSuite: Well, I don’t know what he’d say. But it would get you fired.
Fussbett: I’m disappointed that even dipshits are now off limits. First I can’t laugh at pizza drinkers and now I shouldn’t fuck with dipshits.
ToutSuite: Well, he’s being specific that it’s not okay to fuck with them FOR GIGGLES. But if you fuck with them for national security, then you get a pass.
Fussbett: So can I do it for money? Money makes things right.
ToutSuite: Yeah, then it’s your job
Fussbett: Nice, that’s tight.

Maybe in that Riddle thread, Matthew Gallant dropped dead from Logic Overload and is laying there, his bloated corpse still clutching his mouse. Am I a complete jerkoff for calling him an anencephalic morphodite while his mortal coil putrifies unbeknownst to me?

ToutSuite: Um… yes?
ToutSuite: It’s hard to answer questions with such absolutes. A COMPLETE jerkoff? Well, not because of calling him an elephant morpheus.
Fussbett: I don’t know about you, but this vocabulary really impressed me. He endeavoured to make the analogy more difficult to understand than the situation being analogized. A reverse analogy.
Fussbett: I think there are also some in-jokes in this analogy. I would’ve appreciated an asterisk and footnote.
ToutSuite: Yeah, he’s referencing other threads (THAT HE ALREADY WON). So it also serves as a warning.

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But you can’t start playing Chess and then decide half-way through that you’re playing Barbies.

Fussbett: I think this guy just called us faggots!
ToutSuite: Chess rules are so complicated. It’s all about what you can’t do.
ToutSuite: However, from restrictions comes creativity, and watch as I flip this situation and play chess halfway through my next Barbie game.
Fussbett: Elsewhere you would be praised, but this guy just called you effeminate and said it couldn’t be done.
ToutSuite: Yeah :(
ToutSuite: That analogy really rattled me.

So if this were a virtual wedding held in the middle of the contested zone the would-be lovebirds met in that was being crashed by a rival guild which was slaughtering all of the attendees while shouting “CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UNION WE PROMISE NOT TO CAMP YOUR CORPSES” would it not be in bad taste?

ToutSuite: I’m beginning to think analogies are just a war of attrition. I’m exhausted just trying to imagine this scenario.
Fussbett: This one is really fresh though. Instead of a funeral (death), it’s a wedding (life).
ToutSuite: yeah, that’s a nice twist. And he manages to pull it off without losing the virtual aspect
Fussbett: Wait, no, I guess life would be represented by birth. Well that’s an analogy for another day.
Fussbett: You probably had a lot of preconceptions about the funeral ganking. But now, when you look at it and imagine a wedding… some of your preconceptions are shattered from this new perspective.
ToutSuite: Yeah, I feel bad for ever doing anything in a virtual world.
ToutSuite: I realize that each blade of grass I virtually crush is another opporunity lost. An opportunity to be a positive force.
Fussbett: What about a graduation ceremony on a PVP server? Ever think about that?
ToutSuite: I was too busy thinking about how I never had a virtual bar mitzvah
Fussbett: We could do these event swaps all day. I won’t rest until you get it.

It’s like saying “This guy who died? He loved tigers. So we should have his funeral in the tiger cage.” Sure, you can do it. But I don’t expect the tigers to not eat you.

ToutSuite: Are there even tigers in WoW? All I hear about is cows. You can have my funeral in the cow cage.
Fussbett: Forget that. What we all know about are vicious tigers. Tigers eat people. Done. Does the poster have to put “duh” at the end of the paragraph for you?
ToutSuite: What if the player liked incinerators? And you had the funeral right in the middle of an incinerator? And you all got burned to death? WHAT THEN?
ToutSuite: Fuck, I fell into the analogy trap! It’s seductive!
Fussbett: I think it’s pretty flattering that Serenity Now is the tiger in this analogy. Who doesn’t love tigers?

The difference between this and your tiger analogy, though, is that the tigers don’t know any better. Meat’s meat. But knowing someone’s paying respects to a friend and doing this anyway is sorta jerky, regardless of whether or not you think an ingame funeral is stupid.

Fussbett: He’s spotted a hole in the tiger analogy: Tigers don’t have feelings.
ToutSuite: This is what nature films teach us. Not to feel bad for the funeral being eaten by the tiger. It’s hard, though, because the funeral is anthropomorphic.
ToutSuite: It’s easy to project yourself onto the funeral. I know I feel like a funeral on many days. But Tigers are funeral-eating machines. He’s right about that.
Fussbett: What if the tiger was Manticore and the funeral was Roy?
ToutSuite: Then you have to feel badly for both of them. I might get all these rules printed out and laminated.
Fussbett: That makes the PVP server a hotel and casino. …which also instantly makes WoW much more appealing to me!
ToutSuite: If you go into a casino and it takes all your money BUT THEN LAUGHS AT YOU, is it a big jerk?
Fussbett: The casino then becomes the biggest loser in the mall.
Fussbett: Unless we’re all virtual, and someone is roleplaying the casino. In which case you should imagine a wedding instead of a funeral until it all makes sense.

So out of curiosity, Charles, if you were in a public park and you ran across people obviously holding a wake, say with some type of random procession for reasons beyond your understanding, that got in the way of your touch football game, you’d play throught he wake, right? I mean, clearly football is in the purvue of the park, and it’s not like it’s a wake for anyone you know, and the silly idiots had to know that there’d be other folks in the park out and having fun and such, and chose the place anyway. Right?

ToutSuite: I think he’s not sincere in saying he agrees with this behavior. IT MAY BE A TRAP!
Fussbett: This really hits home because this is pure reality.
ToutSuite: Who doesn’t play touch football? In parks.
Fussbett: Something that each of us could encounter in real life. Ripped right out of today’s headlines.
Fussbett: I thought I’d kill the funeral people in WoW, but I’m not sure I’d play football over the heads of the funeral goers in the park. This analogy works because the new setting forces me to rethink everything.
ToutSuite: Yeah, question your beliefs. Things get a lot more serious once touch football is involved.
Fussbett: Maybe I’m gay now, or now I like lentil soup. Everythings up in the air.
ToutSuite: Put away the football and pick up a Barbie.

To stay as close to the above as possible, instead of playing football through the wake, let’s say you’re playing assassin with nerf guns. You’re a clandestine agent of the KGB who’s infiltrated a CIA get-together, and you need to take out all present targets. Are you going to start nerfing the wake?

ToutSuite: I love this analogy, because it’s really just a game design doc. He needs to create some sub-missions, like “Do you eat all the cucumber sandwiches at the wake before taking out all the targets?”
Fussbett: Secondary objectives, nice.
Fussbett: I’m not even sure what side of the analogy this poster is cheering. This analogy might be so cleverly crafted that there IS no right or wrong answer, just like in life!!!
ToutSuite: he wanted us to lead ourselves to that conclusion
Fussbett: The nerf is an analogy for MMORPGs. That much I have.
ToutSuite: Oh, because you don’t really die. Got it.
Fussbett: But I think once you start nerfing the CIA funeral, your cover is blown and the CIA will lock you up or deport you… Which really has no parallel.
ToutSuite: They’d probably laugh at you, too. Because, let’s face it, you’re not taking anyone out with a nerf gun, Comrade.
Fussbett: I guess you then go back to the Kremlin and boast about how to pwned the CIA. But they would just laugh at you like you’re drinking a pizza shake.

If you throw a frisby to a random guy in the park in a fit of zaniness, and his dog just got run over by a car this morning, are you an asshole? The answer to both is “of course not”.

The difference is one of known intent. If the guy catches the frisby, returns it to you
bawling about his dog, and then you throw it at him again, at that point you’re an ass.

Fussbett: I think the second throw was just trying to cheer him up. Patch Adams would do something like that and they’d give him an award.

Let’s assume I’m playing by the rules of the game. If my online persona is to run around being as annoying as humanly possible, to gank people, to chat spam, to LeRoy Jenkins every group I’m in, to jump 24-7, is that cool? Is griefing okay?

ToutSuite: I was okay with it until he started jumping all day.
Fussbett: That’s probably a reference to a jumprope MMORPG. He never turns. Only jumps. Jumphogging.
ToutSuite: The nice thing about this analogy is that it doesn’t leave the world of World of Warcraft. It just leaves the world of the subject at hand, namely, funerals and raiding them. “Here are some other things that annoy people. Are they annoying?”
Fussbett: He ends the analogy my summarizing what he really meant “Is griefing okay?”
Fussbett: That helps dumber people like me, who didn’t understand the first part of the analogy.
ToutSuite: Yeah, it all boils down to this. Of course, keeping it so simple didn’t shed much light on the subject.

3

The staff of my college newspaper refers to the posting of IM conversations in the Humour section as ‘jacking off.’

4

You know, now that I think about it, if I was playing touch football in a field and some funeral wanted to fuck up my time, unless they had some kind of a city-ordained right to interrupt my game, they can go fuck off. Their fault for not getting a city-ordained right.

Why should I have to give up my enjoyment for them?

Fussbett: Municipal ordinances play a role in this nerd’s outrage. Like he’s ever played a game of touch football in his life.
ToutSuite: Yeah, he’s pretty clear on the proper licensing authorities. Well, he will NOW, hoping to run into some unlicensed activity and then ignore it
Fussbett: This next dude enjoyed that analogy:

See, now that’s consistent. And you shouldn’t have to give up your enjoyment for them. You could, of course, play football in the other direction (the park is plenty big) and both of you could go on about your merry way without fucking with each other beyond a minimal disruption. But you’d be within your rights to be a dick to the funeral procession too.

Fussbett: This football/funeral analogy really paid off.
ToutSuite: They’re flipping the entire situation! Now the funeral holders are the griefers.
Fussbett: It’s ok to be a dick, because of bylaws and zoning.
ToutSuite: But my favorite thing is this guy is hijacking the analogy and expanding on it
ToutSuite: “The park is big. There are two swingsets and a dog run. There is a slide that I used many times as a child, but now I find I am too big to fit within the side guards. This would be a fine place to hold a funeral for me, by the way.”
Fussbett: Well he thought about it. He starts off by saying “Now that I think about it.” No more shooting from the hip – it’s time to really nail down the parameters of this park.
ToutSuite: It’s improper to construct a vague “park” for the purposes of analogy.

I drive my brand-new Cadillac down to Compton at 11:30pm on a Friday. I get out, leaving the engine running, the stereo blaring, and the keys in the ignition. I go into a drugstore to get some Nytol for my dear sainted aunt, who’s got a bit of a head cold.

So. Whose fault is it that when I come back, my car has been stolen? Think real hard before answering.

ToutSuite: He’s trying to distract us with extraneous details! STAY ON TARGET!
ToutSuite: Plus he’s admonishing us to think real hard
Fussbett: Yes, you can read his “sitting back in the chair, arms crossed” tone in that last paragraph. He’s sick of dealing with us nincompoops. Here’s your final analogy. It’s really simple, dummies.
ToutSuite: He’s not cutting Compton any slack, either. There’s no “if” at the conclusion. The car is stolen, end of story. He’s secretly challenging us to call him a racist
ToutSuite: His aunt: a saint. Compton: all car thieves.
ToutSuite: But really, this analogy reads more like the setup of a game of Clue. Was the aunt really sick at home? What model Cadillac is it? What is Nytol? I need more cards before I’ll answer this one.

Did you say the field was big enough for both of us? I must have missed that. If it was, then I’m sure they could go around. Or we could move a bit, and they could move a bit. Or, they could present a city-ordained enforcement.

Also: if we share the same park, they better not fucking complain when we’re having fun, laughing and shouting, while they mourn.

ToutSuite: Oh, then he’ll teach them how to mourn. Nothing ruins a good game of touch football than people complaining.
Fussbett: Could you imagine a guy playing touch football asking you for a city-ordained license for your park use? How many times would to pucnh that guy? One hundred?
ToutSuite: First I’d complain, just to piss him off, then I’d punch him
Fussbett: I like that he’s suspicious of the logisitcs of this analogy. Suddenly everyone needs to defend their right to play touch football. There’s a War on Football out there.
ToutSuite: He zooms right by the point that there is plenty of room for everyone in World of Warcraft. HIS park is constricted. City-ordained permits are needed. Can we just stick to the analogy as initially stated, please?!

I wouldn’t expect Larry Bird to let up on Magic Johnson in a game if Magic’s mom died of a heart attack the night before, but I think the reaction would be (justifiably) pretty negative if in a pregame interview Bird said he “…[was] going to murder the Lakers like a bucket of fried chicken murdered Magic’s mom.”

ToutSuite: Insensitive to Magic’s mom… AND BLACK PEOPLE.
Fussbett: Larry Bird is pretty racist!
ToutSuite: This guy ratchets up the offensiveness meter. His point will not be lost to subtlety.
Fussbett: Now that racism is in the mix, we’re sure to get to the bottom of the World of Warcraft funeral issue.
ToutSuite: yeah, we can clear out all the extraneous baggage and focus on the issue at hand.
Fussbett: The racism acts as a clarifying solution.
ToutSuite: I hate the imaginary Larry Bird
Fussbett: That means you hate Serenity Now. The analogy worked.
Fussbett: Because Serenity Now commented before the raid that they’ll gank the guild like Sickle-cell anemia ganked the dead girl’s black ass.
ToutSuite: Man, I’m learning a lot from these analogies… about Serenity Now… about World of Warcraft…
ToutSuite: And, most importantly, about myself.

I can’t recall the last time I was moved by Kasparov beating a 9 year old unranked player in chess, or Serena Williams knocking out a low-ranked seeded player in straight sets 6-0.

ToutSuite: Better luck entertaining me next time, daydream!
Fussbett: This guy is saying that Serenity Now is the greatest guild in WoW. And the funeral goers are like unranked (or low ranked) 9-year-old children. That’s pretty insulting.

Fun with another analogy!
Imagine you were in a weekly bowling group. You die, and your bowling buddies decide to go to your “lucky lane” or whatever at the bowling alley and say a few words and have a few beers. Jafd comes up and says “FUCK YOU EMO CUNTS FOR NOT BOWLING”.

Fussbett: This guy knew how ridiculous it was to post another analogy, but when you’re got such a good idea, it would be a crime to keep it to yourself.
ToutSuite: This kills all the sports analogies. Because bowling is by definition segregated.
ToutSuite: Unless you start crying in the other people’s lanes. Which is quite emo.
Fussbett: Can you imagine someone shouting at someone else in a bowling alley? It’s blowing my mind.
ToutSuite: I can speak from personal experience that no matter how hard you cry in a bowling alley, no one will shout at you (or stop breaking up with you).

And just when the fuck did Ali ever bow his head in a moment of silence in the middle of a match? It sure as fuck was not when he was fighting giant cow people. That would be ridiculous.

ToutSuite: This guy gives up on the analogy halfway through. He was just using it to make a point that WoW is dumb.
Fussbett: He saw that someone’s Ali analogy lacked the WoW component.

Hypothetical: A player is promised $50,000 to a charity of his choice if he can make it alone with his level 20 Alliance character in a PvP realm from contested point A to contested point B without getting killed. This is made known to the entire realm. He is quite likely to be killed by wandering mobs.

He sets out and after several close calls, and just when he is about to succeed, he is beset by 40 level 60 Horde Characters and ganked, who are spamming “$50,000 ISN’T VERY MUCH ANYWAY!”

Fussbett: Haha, so this is the worst one, right?
ToutSuite: This guy is covering all his bases. Real world consequences (money) meets altruism (charity).
Fussbett: The money goes to charity so that just in case you though about not caring, that makes you a charity robber.
ToutSuite: I don’t even know if this guy asks a question. He wants to ponder this horrible situation, and then live with it.
Fussbett: This situation is identified as hypothetical. It’s not real.
ToutSuite: So, there is no $50,000 on the table? Because I already had my charity picked out. SO MUCH FOR CURING CANCER (sorry kids).
Fussbett: I wonder what this poster thinks he accomplished with his hypothetical situation.
ToutSuite: He’s just happy he plugged any leaks. You’re not going to find any wiggle room in there.
Fussbett: I think he might be a fag for using “beset”, but that’s the extent of my reflection on this zen riddle.
ToutSuite: I’m just relieved it didn’t turn out to be a word problem like on the SAT, because that’s where I thought it was heading.
ToutSuite: Finally, I’m glad he mentioned the close calls before the final slaughter
Fussbett: He brought the analogy to life.
ToutSuite: I was really identifying with the player because of all we’d gone through together during the story!
Fussbett: We were all rooting for the level 20 character by the time he was beset.

5

Posting AIM conversations is like jacking off! Awesome analogy contribution, Kiam. Anyone have another?

6

This thread is analogous to excrement with a caveat that the excrement is from a meal eaten last week.

7

Similarly, we refer to Kiam as a ‘penis’. IM logs are the cruise control for awesome.

8

I think you made a mistake and pasted the bits you’d edited out because they weren’t funny.

9

I found the summary hilarious! We should have more analogy round-ups like this. Maybe Fussbett could get started on the Riddle thread. That’s got more than a 1,000 posts.

10

The Riddle thread!? They’d die. Not analogy die, real life die. Do you want that on your conscience, you pernicious fuck?

11

I thought I was a fag for using ‘beset’.

12

Good eye, JM. Maybe I left the funny ‘bits’ in this one…

Instead, they decided they’d be like Ali skull-fucking Frazier after the “Thrilla in Manila.” And then eating his children. Because it wasn’t enough to beat him in the ring; it needed to take it to another level outside, and extend the humiliation and hurt a bit to really make his point about being the better man.

ToutSuite: These analogies are not painting a flattering picture of black people.
Fussbett: So the ganking is now akin to skull-fucking and cannibalism of children. Is this heavy handed?
ToutSuite: Specifically he’s talking about boasting on forums AFTER ganking
Fussbett: Oh right, the true crime.
ToutSuite: Only savage skull-fuckers do that.
Fussbett: Why don’t you go eat some babies?
ToutSuite: The translation is linear: ganking is to boxing as posting on forums is to skull-fucking.
Fussbett: But again, Serenity Now is compared to one of the greatest athletes of all time. I’m not sure this is intended, but here we are, again.
ToutSuite: This formula is hard, but if you think about it, being hit by Ali hurts way more than being killed in WoW. And then watching him eat your babies is worse than being taunted on a messageboard, BY ALMOST THE SAME AMOUNT! So, it works.
Fussbett: Right, the ratio is correct, so we can excuse the absurd magnification.
ToutSuite: He’s also warning us that if we laughed at S:N’s exploits, we also like watching people skull-fucking each other and eating babies.
Fussbett: It takes something unclear (World of Warcraft) and puts it into the realm of baby eating which I’m SURE I’m against. Why can’t everyone make their explanations this easy for me?
ToutSuite: It turns out I’m against everything. As long as it can be compared to eating babies.
Fussbett: Hopefully someone will come down on the side FOR message board trolling, and then we can run that baby eater right out of town.

What you’re doing is like blaming the girl in Saw for digging the key out of the other guy to save her own life.

ToutSuite: Here’s a thought: if you DO blame her for digging the key out of the other guy, will Bill Dungsroman still not hang with you no more?
Fussbett: No, I think if you get morally outraged enough, Bill may still kick it with you.

i.e. it’s okay to rape a scantily-dressed girl in a bad part of town?

Thanks, just confirming what I suspected you were all about.

ToutSuite: PSH, not even waiting for the answer
Fussbett: He’s the judge, jury and executioner of analogies.
ToutSuite: This analogy is so mangled. He knew “scantily-clad” and “bad part of town” are important elements, he’s just not sure how they go together.
ToutSuite: I don’t get why the location AND the dress matters. The only constant is you.
ToutSuite: It sounds to me like he’s saying it’s okay to rape her if you’re both in the bad part of town. But if you drive her to the nice part of town, it’s hands-off.
Fussbett: No, he doesn’t want her raped at all.
ToutSuite: oh, but he’s saying once you’re in the bad part of town, YOU are automatically a rapist.
Fussbett: The bad part of town is just more racism – because we immediately think of black guys, who love to rape.
ToutSuite: if he said, “Did a scantily-clad girl is raped in a bad part of town, did she ask for it?” that’s a completely different story.
Fussbett: Our role is supposed to be just saying it’s OK.
ToutSuite: Ah, okay. Yes, is it okay for ANYONE to rape her. Depending on where she is.
ToutSuite: Well, I was putting myself into the fantasy (HEH)
Fussbett: No, again, this poster doesn’t want the girl raped at all. He’s a real downer like that.
ToutSuite: He’s the one who brought it up :(
Fussbett: Imagining a hypothetical world where scanitly-clad girls prance around the black parts of town, and we’re supposed to get sit back and condemn the rape that will occur.
ToutSuite: Okay, I’m fine with that. As logn as I don’t have to drive my cadillac there to rescue her.

You know, I’m getting tired of this argument. If someone parks their racecar in the middle of a race and get trashed, it’s not the racers who are to blame. If someone decides to dance across a football field and gets levelled, it’s not the football players who are to blame. If someone has a picnic in the middle of a highway around a blind curve and gets run over, you don’t blame the car. If someone goes outside without a coat in deep winter and freezes to death, you don’t blame winter. If someone decides to run out on to a frozen lake and jump up and down on the thin patches, you don’t blame the lake.

Fussbett: Wow. So we have a winner.
ToutSuite: Yeah, jackpot.
Fussbett: The analogy shootout is over. Surely this will put an end to more analogies. What more can be said? Nothing, that’s what.
ToutSuite: There really isn’t any situation where you won’t lose, he’s saying.
Fussbett: There isn’t anyone who can say they don’t understand his viewpoint, because if you miss one analogy, another is right after the period.
ToutSuite: Well, let’s see if there are any other analogies, just in case!

Ok, let’s go with your analogy. Let’s say that the US sets up specific zones where murder is legal. We’ll call these person vs person zones, or PVP for short. If I went into a PVP zone and insulted someone of course I should be murdered! That’s what the area is for in the first place! It’s clearly labeled when you join!

Fussbett: Murder zones.
ToutSuite: It’s obvious to this guy
Fussbett: One step closer to the pizza-flavoured baby eating zones we all look forward to.
ToutSuite: If you insult someone in a murder zone, you should be murdered. There are no lesser sentences.
Fussbett: People people people, what ELSE can happen in a Murder zone? Only murder of course, DUH.
ToutSuite: I’m guessing the murder zone’s borders match up pretty well with the bad part of town?
Fussbett: He invented something in his crazy head and then gets outraged when we aren’t well versed in the rules of his fiction.
ToutSuite: It’s just like us to think we can get away with insulting people in a well-marked murder zone.
Fussbett: We’re so stupid. He couldn’t have labelled it any simpler.
Fussbett: At first I thought it wasn’t a clearly labelled zone. But he slipped that in at end though. Now I can’t use short-sightedness as an excuse. For getting murdered.

Is it no longer assault when somebody punches you for insulting them? Is it no longer theft when somebody steals a laptop that you leave sitting in a library while you walk away?

ToutSuite: The random specificity of these analogies always gets me. You didn’t just lose your laptop - it’s all part of your nightly activities of library-going and walking.
Fussbett: Where is Serenity Now and the funeral people in this analogy?
ToutSuite: To make things clear, the victim’s intent must always be above reproach. Reading in a library, hiking across WoW for charity. Getting medicine for their sainted aunt.
Fussbett: The two analogies here are different. In the first you’re being aggresive and baiting, in the next you’re being careless.
ToutSuite: maybe seeing a neglected laptop is insulting to some people?
Fussbett: Flaunting your laptopness in their face. I give this whole analogy a D.

Seriously, it’s like the running of the bulls. It’s hilarious when all the stupid kids get gored but suddenly it’s criminal when an old lady gets one in the gut. What? Move, bitch, get out 'da way, get out 'da way, get out 'da way.

This is like lathering yourself up in honey and humping a bear’s face. Common decency be damned - you can’t act a fool and expect not to get played like one.

ToutSuite: This guy even includes dialog you might hear in his analogy world.
Fussbett: A soundtrack!
Fussbett: Is it criminal if an old lady gets gored in the running of the bulls?
ToutSuite: If she didn’t get out da way it is.
Fussbett: Has that happened? Is this ripped from today’s headlines?
ToutSuite: What if the bull went on the Pamplona message boards later and bragged about it?
ToutSuite: Do bulls eat children, because I know bears do.
Fussbett: No, bears play you like a fool.
ToutSuite: At least now I’ll expect it. I will no longer rely on common decency from the bear.
Fussbett: He had no confidence in his first analogy, so he went with a capper. Also animal related.

13

What if instead of an area where murder was legal there were parts of the country where law enforcement was unable or unwilling to enforce the laws? Like the old West, for example. Or hell, some random mountain trail hundreds of miles away from civilization. While technically illegal there’s no chance you’d ever suffer consequences from murder. If you were on a mountain hike and you ran into some hiker/hunter/fisher guy who insulted you(or perhaps merely went for a walk unarmed?), would you kill him?

ToutSuite: Forget the Old West. The chances of you ending up there are slim.
ToutSuite: These analogists spend a lot of time coming up with simplistic situations for murder
Fussbett: The point is clear – even though you can murder someone you shouldn’t. EINSTEIN. And this is why you shouldn’t gank people in WoW
ToutSuite: I’d be suspicious if I ran into a fisher in the mountains. And if he was a hunter, I’d definitely think twice.
ToutSuite: Another analogist would come in and suggest this fisher is impeding your right to have fun by being on the same trail as you
ToutSuite: A third would explain that there are actually two trails, and the fisher doesn’t speak the same language as you.
Fussbett: I’d check the fisher for a city-ordained fishing license. If he doesn’t have it, and we’re still in a murder zone or he steals me laptop… I’m going to skullfuck his baby.

see this sometimes - banks evict old women from their properties when they miss a single payment or two, because the properties have become highly valuable.

It’s sad but I think some of you just don’t grasp this. e.g. someone decides to leave a stack of warm winter wear on a street corner, intending that any homeless person can come along and take a piece for himself. Ostensibly, it’s free. But it doesn’t excuse another person who knows the purpose of their placement and yet takes the entire stack for his own personal gain

Fussbett: This guy is sad for us. That, combined with the saddness of the funeral must’ve meant a rough week for this guy.
ToutSuite: Ostensibly, the clothes are free. But are they really free? Everything comes with a price, and this case the price is our innocence.
ToutSuite: And also a tidy little tax deduction.

More to the point would be, if you go in to a gay bar and start slinging homophobic insults, whose fault is it when you get your ass beat?

Fussbett: Get your ass beat… BY COCKS?
ToutSuite: I guess S:N are gay? And the funeral was one big fag-bashing?
Fussbett: Holding a funeral is insulting to gays. Because they’re not even human and don’t practice religion. According to this poster. …who is clearly homophobic.
ToutSuite: Yeah, follow his thread to its logical conclusion and the only way for WoW to have peace is to kill all the gays. That seems extreme to me, but I guess that’s what analogies are for.
Fussbett: Is it worth pointing out that this guy is thinking about gay bars as a way to make the point hit home with us? World of Warcraft may be confusing, but we all know gay bars.

(Maybe Ali isn’t the best example. Use the Yankees. After each victory against the Devil Rays, maybe they should all just run out on the field and laugh and point at their opponent. And then do it the next day before the game. And during the game. And maybe a week or two later.)

ToutSuite: He had to multiply the amount of laughing, because he realized it’s a pretty weak action.
Fussbett: Halfway through his analogy he started to not mind the pointing and laughing. So he had to ramp up the bullying.
ToutSuite: He should have brought in the usual suspects: bulls, bears, baby-eaters
Fussbett: Those lauging and pointing Yankees sound so mean >:(
ToutSuite: Two weeks later? Still laughing, still pointing.
Fussbett: They never give up, these hyennas.
ToutSuite: The virtual laughter still haunts me.
Fussbett: But they win and they sound pretty motivated. Really it’s the ultimate baseball team.
ToutSuite: Yeah, they do a lot of laughing, because they do a lot of winning
Fussbett: It’s a proven system
ToutSuite: All those jerks who were on the baseball team in this poster’s high school grew up to be jerks on the Yankees.

Okay, so how about this: I know a few people on this message board are/were sick, with issues like cancer or long-term debilitating diseases, etc. How about from now on, I’ll make really nasty jokes that focus on those problems every time they post something that goes counter to my own views.

Fussbett: Revenge illness mockery.
ToutSuite: I’m not sure what this is an analogy for, but it’s clearly a simple ruse with which to deliver the true message: you’re an evil person
Fussbett: This is an exact parallel to the World of Warcraft guild killing the virtual funeral goers.
ToutSuite: In a deft way, he’s also establishing Qt3 forum rules. Don’t make fun of sick people.
Fussbett: The ironic part is that this post just reminded the guy with cancer that he has cancer. Why can’t we just treat him like a normal person instead of centering him out?
ToutSuite: However, he seems to be implying that whoever he’s talking to is a sociopath, which is an illness. The moral waters of Qt3 will become very difficult navigate. His knowledge of the landmines (sick people) gives him great power, but also great responsibility. Fortunately, he’s a good person.

The fact that it happens in a game is about as extenuating as, say, the fact that it’s two gay people getting married when I don’t believe in gay marriage.

ToutSuite: That’s pretty extenuating! What does extenuating mean again?
Fussbett: Haha, does this sentence make sense at all?!
ToutSuite: I think he’s saying he doesn’t believe in video games, but I’m pretty sure they exist!
Fussbett: I seriously can’t even crack the logic that is coming down at me from this pedestal. However, I’m sure he doesn’t like gays. Or he doesn’t like people intolerant of gays. One of those two.
ToutSuite: He’s still on the hot-button issues of 2004. He really should be bashing immigrants, or people who don’t like them.
Fussbett: Like including racism, this will only help clarify the issue. We can only go up from here. I hope someone compares Serenity Now to the terrorists.

It’s impossible to argue this without drawing real-world paralells, so I’ll preface this by saying that the depth of emotion attached to the two are radically different, but I don’t see a difference in the underlying principle. That being said:

I suppose as long as you’re in afghanistan it’s still okay to stone women for speaking out of turn? Or if you’re in africa, it’s okay to treat them as chattel and practice ritual genital torture? Or, for that matter, everyone in Nazi germany perpetrating the holocaust held no responsibility because, you know, they were just following the laws.

I think it’s pretty clear that we’ve accepted that the responsibilities of being a “good” human being sometimes requires self-imposed morals which transcend the laws that we’re operating under. Otherwise, the soldiers in Abu Ghraib were just following orders, right?

Fussbett: It’s impossible to argue this without real world parallels? Helloooo? That’s what we’ve been doing! Pizza milkshakes anyone?!?!?
ToutSuite: Yeah, there are two or three gored grandmas who would disagree with that statement.
Fussbett: The depth of emotion are radically different, but otherwise this is a perfect analogy… about hurt feelings.
ToutSuite: This post falls under the “Cover all bases” category of analogies. If you’re okay with stoning a woman to death, then how about genital mutilation? If that’s not bad enough, then I say you’re a NAZI. If you’re okay with that, Abu Ghraib, man. Abu Ghraib.
Fussbett: This post is the Nagasaki bomb of analogy posts.
Fussbett: It covers a lot of ground, it’s totally overkill, and it wasn’t needed after Hiroshima.
ToutSuite: No one brings up Nagasaki. Which is interesting, because maybe someone WAS having a funeral in Nagasaki at the time, while the Americans considered it a war zone.
Fussbett: I’m having fun with analogies. Let me roam.
ToutSuite: the world is open to you, when you start claimings some things are like other things
Fussbett: This analogy is really outstanding because it specifically focuses on the military hierarchy which hasn’t been explored yet. Were the members of Serenity Now acting on their own free will? Or were they merely following guild orders? Perhaps if you disagree to go along with the funeral raid, you’ll be frozen out of various other guild functions.
Fussbett: Or maybe frozen with a Dagger of Dwarven Freezing. I’m not really sure how the game works.
ToutSuite: it’s an interesting question, because then is their fun being impaired by the guild leaders WHILE the guild leaders’ fun was being ruined by the funeral?
Fussbett: So should we hate all members of Serenity Now or just the ones at the top?
ToutSuite: I wonder how to build an MMORPG where no one’s fun is ever ruined? I can’t even think of an analogy for that! SO I guess that’s an argument I lose.
Fussbett: That would be like building a park big enough for a football game and a funeral.

14

LOL! Fussbett and ToutSuite have got to be the funniest guys on the Internet. Post more of your IM conversations! About anything – it’s like a Seinfeld bit, it can be you guys remarking about something totally unremarkable (like a Qt3 thread!) and it is totally, totally funny and well worth sharing with the world, because that’s how funny you are. There’s nothing I like more than reading eight pages of solid text of your and ToutSuite’s act. More! More!

15

Thanks, Rywill. I didn’t notice the Seinfeld comparison before, but you’re totally right! Here’s more, just as you asked.

But yeah, if a place exists where the habitual, mutual slaughter of everyone in the area takes place 24/7, and you make a decision to go to that place, as opposed to the perfectly safe place where you can’t be killed ONE FLIGHT PATH AWAY, then you’re not a victim, you’re just an idiot.

If you walk down a notoriously violent street in South Central LA wearing a sandwich board that says “FUCK NIGGERS” (I think I am borrowing this from Die Hard 3), you have in a real-world sense flagged yourself for PvP. And when you are subsequently killed, you are not a victim, you’re just an idiot.

ToutSuite: He HOPES he’s borrowing that from Die Hard 3.
ToutSuite: Because otherwise he must face the realization that he made it up himself.
ToutSuite: In either case, he’s sure that the sandwich board guy is doing something in “a real world sense”.
ToutSuite: Notice that the sandwich board analogy, while technically it’s own paragraph, directly follows a flight of fancy involving “a place… where the habitual, mutual slaughter of everyone in the area takes place 24/7”.
Fussbett: Compton, the bad part of town, and now South Central LA. Will blacks ever catch a break in this thread?
ToutSuite: So I guess that’s South Central: just non-stop mutual slaughter.
Fussbett: It’s what white people in other places imagine South Central to be, yes.
Fussbett: I hope this guy read the “Murder Zone” analogy, because he should really PM that author and they should make out.
ToutSuite: I like analogies like this one, where a preposterous situation is supposed, and then “real world” consequences are meted out.
Fussbett: And people are called idiots. The analogy maker is usually a severe teacher.
ToutSuite: I guess the funeral being held in the PvP server was like a bunch of guys walking around with “FUCK NIGGERS” on sandwich boards.
Fussbett: He’s saying funerals are like racist epithets. That seems accurate to me.
ToutSuite: What if one of the funeral goers is pouring a 40-oz beer on the ground?
Fussbett: For all his dead Gnomies?
ToutSuite: haha

Also, I’m curious, if you were in a real war, as a real soldier, and you saw an enemy walking along minding his own business, do you let this enemy just carry on? When you know that given the chance, this same enemy would kill you?

ToutSuite: Real war, AND real soldier. Don’t think you’ll get out of this analogy by asking if maybe you’re a fake soldier. Take too long to answer this, and someone is about to be called unpatriotic.
Fussbett: This makes me wonder if there are differences between Real Life and Virtual. Because I’m fucking stupid.
ToutSuite: Those differences are actually very illustrative. When used properly.
ToutSuite: Anyway, this guy is just curious. He don’t mean nothing by it.
Fussbett: That’s a relief because I’m not sure what the correct answer is, although I think Paul McCartney’s video for “Pipes of Peace” holds some of the knowledge we all seek.
Fussbett: We’ve all been a soldier at war, making a life or death decision, so I feel this analogy should be simple to answer. But again, I guess I’m just stupid.

They’ve done the online equivalent of gang up on someone weaker in the playground, nick their lunch money and call them names for a bit.

ToutSuite: This analogy hit me where it hurts: the wallet. Everything was an abstract vaguery until my lunch money was imperiled.
Fussbett: I hope this guy never hears about other multiplayer games, ever, because his playground safety concepts are also going to be imperiled. Like so much lunch money.
Fussbett: The minute someone tells him (gently whipered) about the concept of an aimbot, he’s going to have to insert Terminator robots into the metaphor.

I’m just curious. Were any of the comparisons in this thread to real life funeral raids where a few people get together and hold up signs at a troops funeral?

Fussbett: I like that this guy admits right up front that he didn’t read all of the analogies up to this point.
ToutSuite: I wish I was him!
Fussbett: …but he might be also be admitting that he just doesn’t understand most of the analogies after reading them. Which is exactly like us.
ToutSuite: Yeah, I should be a lot more enlightened than I am right now.

If there were a real funeral/memorial service being held in the jungle, and everyone who attended were killed and eaten by jaguars, I’d laugh my ass off at that too. You know why? 'Cause that shit is funny.

ToutSuite: Larry the Cable Guy weighing in.
Fussbett: More animal parallels. There’s one thing with which we can all agree: the brutal savagery of animals. …and how they are above blame.
ToutSuite: So the goal is to become more like animals. The cows in the funeral raid are absolved, I guess.

In this incarnation, we are dealing with a young Graeme of 3 years (rounded up), meaning him and his playpals are tossing Gerber at each other to try to impress Mommy’s guests.

ToutSuite: This is not relevant to S:N or WoW at all. It’s just a quick analogy to point out how stupid Graeme is.
Fussbett: Mommy’s guests… The Blizzard GMs? God?
ToutSuite: But even in a quick analogy, details are important. Gerber is the brand
Fussbett: And he’s not QUITE 3-years-old. If someone checks the records, Graeme is covered.
Fussbett: I’m glad Graeme included his name in his analogy, because now I’m really going to remember that he sucks. That’s the price of notoriety.
ToutSuite: Also the “we” in the sentence may at first glance sound as though the poster considers himself royalty. Instead, he’s talking from the perspective of the entire anthropological society
Fussbett: Yes, I got that right away. I immediately read the rest of his words through my scolastic microscope.

Would you say that someone has the right to rob a bank because their friend died? No? Well, it’s hardly the same level of transgression, but the fact remains that they broke the rules, and they got their heads handed to them in their hat.

ToutSuite: He’s willing to extend us the courtesy of assuming we’re not COMPLETE idiots, and know that robbing a bank under these specific circumstances is wrong.
Fussbett: Having a funeral is breaking the rules?
ToutSuite: Maybe a tiny rule.
Fussbett: From what part of communist Germany is this guy posting?
ToutSuite: He did have the disclaimer that the level of transgression is not exactly equivalent. There’s some room for fuzzy logic there
ToutSuite: It’s against the rules of fair play, which are rules inherent to all MMORPGs and so maybe a little more important than the actual rules of any particular one.
ToutSuite: After all, robbing banks is illegal in ALL countries
ToutSuite: I’m lost :(
Fussbett: You went against the analogy and came up short. It’s to be expected.
ToutSuite: It’s a fool’s game.

If you lived in a country where wives were property, you would be within your rights to trade her to your friend for a night’s use, and then shoot her if she didn’t comply. The fact that doing so is within your rights would not preclude you from being a grade-A asshole.

ToutSuite: The countries these people make up sound fascinating. Does that mean in this country I am within my rights to shoot my lawn mower if it refuses to work for my neighbor?
Fussbett: My sociology professor would’ve kicked this guy out of the class for disrespecting other cultures. Just because our society doesn’t trade wives doesn’t mean their way is any less valid. Don’t get me started on the tribe that uses dried banana leaves as currency.
ToutSuite: I thought his goal was to make us sad for other cultures and the fact we don’t do anything to change them.
Fussbett: Why does the world still refuse to act on Darfur? The answer to that question and the Serenity Now funeral scandal are probably similar.
ToutSuite: I’m guessing this entire imaginary country is one big bad part of town. Sainted aunts are more likely to be traded for guns to kill stupid white people with FUCK NIGGERS on sandwich boards written on them than they are to get their medicine.
Fussbett: Over there a guy with a FUCK NIGGERS sandwich board is actually advertising his nigger fucking business.

You are aware that almost exactly this has occured in many warzones throughout human history? Sure, occassionally the body collectors were shot as enemy combatants, however this was the exception not the rule wherever organised forces met.

Obviously I have made the cardinal mistake of equating real life events with in game events and have thus missed the point that in game events are utterly meaningless. Ganking is good, as I believe Gordon Gekko would have said if the internet had been more prevelant in 1987.

Fussbett: Here’s my analogy, here’s why my analogy is wrong. We really don’t have to do any work with this one.
ToutSuite: He realizes this mistake of trying to compare real world situations with in-game ones. And so leaves us with the wisdom of a fictional character. And what he WOULD have said, if we could just imagine him in another time.
ToutSuite: Turning the joke of our post back on us: we can only truly understand analogies by making analogies for them.
Fussbett: This was like a big waste of time. :(

16

Fussbett: Nope - check your clipboard settings, perhaps reboot your PC? I’m sure it’s there somewhere…

17

Fussbett: This was like a big waste of time. :(

No worries. It isn’t like you had anything better to do.

18

Well what do you expect, after 17 pages of arguing over whether MMO grieifing is as bad as harming someone IRL(which I’m not sure if the thread ever arrived at this conclusion, but it isn’t)? There are way too many analogies there for such a simple question and answer, and these guys skewer each of them for everyone’s enjoyment.

Good post, Fussbett!

19

It’s like the MST crew said to hell with the movie and the robot puppets, and instead put their unedited writing brainstorm sessions on TV.

At least, I hope all that’s unedited.

20

You reference me in someone else’s Saw analogy (incorrectly; I liked Saw), but refer to me as “this guy” in my direct quotes, who knows why. I’m not sure what you or Toutsuite said that was significantly funnier than a lot of the posts in the thread, but in the upcoming AIM log about this thread, I’m sure you’ll call me an unfunny, angry fag and explain why.