The pen is mightier than

It’s almost like some high-quality writing club got together, picked a mundane article, and held a contest to see who could write the greatest review.

Even if that isn’t what happened, we TOTALLY need to do something like this.

When my previous internet bulletin board, or forum as it is called these days, ran unexpectedly out of posts, or in other words, I was expelled for the posting of unacceptable ideological sentiment, unacceptable meaning pornographic and sentiment being profanity in the most vulgar definition of the word, I found myself in the rather unenviable position of searching around for a new forum. Until such time as said new forum could be procured, or ‘vetted’ in the vernacular, I found myself obsessively clicking on the refresh button of some other less modern internet conceptions, those being unsuitable for the moniker net 2.0. I.e in lieu of user generated content, being the now outmoded idea of so called, non-user generated content, also known as boring. Not surprisingly, the physical embodiment of the page changing a scant once per day or less, a frequency I found utterly not attuned to the fast pace I had become accustomed to consume this so called form of culture, being one of the accursed mtv generation, which thankfully has come years before the much more maligned generation x.

But I digress as my tale has not yet found itself truly told. Then as if by intelligent design, the laziness of those empowered to deal my fate in long agonizing months of utter silence had final cracked and the tomfoolery and chicanery had abruptly ended in the time that shall be forever known as temporary suspension of vetting due to backlog and aforementioned laziness. As such I had at long last slipped the bonds of cruelty which held me fast to non updating content, and finally tasted the forbidden forum fruits previously perused by an immortal few of truly blessed web dwellers.

At first I frolicked in a most unacceptable fashion, posting bizarre and meaningless passages in a feeble and utterly hopeless attempt at winning acceptance but alas my shame was immortalized to the left of each and every post, mocking my every key press as futile. and then lo I beheld a site of utter awe the likes of which I shall nary soon erase from my electro-chemical bonds for quite some time. For you see here as well those who utter the forbidden words are too bound to the same cruel fate which first began my sordid tale. In conclusion I rate this site four stars.

p.s. Yes I am drunk.

I’ll take “The Penis Mightier” for $400, Alex.

DAMN YOU GORDON CAMERON, for stealing the obvious joke. Ah well, here’s a pic.

Written masturbation.

“Weirdo…” he grunted, and he snatched my love and retreated to his van. I was speechless, this idiot was about to ruin what had only just blossomed. Speechless… but not actionless. With one smooth motion, fuelled by adrenaline and love, I swung from my front porch onto the snow of my driveway, and flung myself at the intruder. I missed of course, my body in terrible shape from years of MMO abuse I fell metres short of my target, as he spun around at the sound and began to laugh.

Awesome. How did you find out about this?

This one is better.

Worked fine with my right hand, but when I came to use my left hand my writing came out looking like the work of a complete imbecile. I can only assume Bic have created a right-handed only pen, and would caution left-handers to “try before you buy”.

Oh, man. I almost fell out of my chair.

Yes, that’s just the one. This is… the entire collection of reviews, dozens, are all lunatic.

How I found out about it… coworker forwarded it. How he found out, I have no idea.

I’ll take the rapists for $600 Alex.

I love internet flash mobs.

I quite literally laughed out loud reading this and remembering the bit.

That was amazing.

I ordered 300 of these individually gift wrapped for a client’s wedding and was horrified to learn 14 minutes before the reception that this is NOT REAL CRYSTAL!!! From an arms length and after 3 stoli martinis this could easily pass for Ireland’s finest leaded or even a clear quartz from the mines of Malay but one look under the jewelers glass and it was immediately apparent that Bic was using low grade plastique. I will give their craftsmen due credit for their obvious mastery with the grinding and polishing wheels, as i’ve rarely encountered such precision in a “cigarette cut” piece. But crystal? Snort! I THINK NOT!
My favorite, so far.

“Hot Shot City” is particularly good.

It is worth remembering that your pen will last longer if you don’t bother to dot your I’s and J’s!

Very good advice!

Found it. I see Tromik there.

$4,018,100.00 Television

Well u know what they say, if the price is right!
And it’s absolutely right, I now own one of these babies.
I had to sell my house for it, but it comes in a big box
so at least i got a nice roof over my head.

Pick a product!

My favorite:

"Note: Amazon are one of the few stockists of these pens in the UK to ship pens that come with the original 1.0 Bic firmware. If you do buy one, be sure not to download the latest edition from the Bic website. Doing so will enable the pens controversial DRM functions. Dont make the same mistake I did. I have been unable to write any sentence that has previously appeared in literature, song lyrics, even the titles of movies.
At these prices I can’t afford a new pen, so I’m living in hope that news of the underground Russian hacking scene will soon release open firmware allowing the ball to be unjammed when jotting down protected content. "

One of my film professors at college was Will Akers, writer of Ernest Rides Again, among other things. One day I looked him up on IMDB and found this review: