You didn't see this one coming: Rockstar Games presents Table Tennis

If I didn’t have fond memories of battling a friend of mine for afternoons on end in some long forgotten Nintendo tennis game, I’d probably pooh-pooh this one, too. But that’s actually one of my fondest videogame memories.

EDIT: Get it? Pooh-pooh? Oh well, Whitta gets it:

I have fond memories of taking a shit, but I wouldn’t want to play a videogame based on it.

Wait. I’ve done this one, haven’t I?

Really? We are talking about the people who made Lemmings, Body Harvest, and Silicon Valley.

Pong 360.

You have issues, my friend.

Taking a shit is a great experience if you’re doing it right. I believe Robin Williams expounded upon the incredible satisfaction to be had from a really good bowel movement in The Fisher King.

I can’t wait for the first incidence of someone being beaten to death with a ping pong paddle, and the media/politicians/activist groups blame this game.

I can’t wait for the first instance of someone being beaten to death with a ping pong paddle while taking a shit.

Can I unlock Forrest Gump and play against a commie?

Yes, but at least Table Tennis is a form of entertainment. On my best days, I can’t say dropping the boys off at the pool was even remotely entertaining…

What is WRONG with you people? You’re all doing it wrong. Master the art of taking a shit and it’s like masturbation, only using your ass.

Don’t they also have a studio in Edinburgh?

Wait, I see your point.

That’s exactly what I was thinking. A table tennis game is kind of an interesting idea, if it can be pulled off in a way that sets it apart from real tennis games. Rockstar has hardly been a creative powerhouse since after GTA3, and I just can’t see them making a game like this all that interesting.

A table tennis game using the Revolution controller…now we’re talking! Of course this relies on the Revolution controller delivering on all of our hopes and dreams for it.

Dude, I can only imagine what you’re eating that’s making your dumps such an orgasmic experience!

Yes, but it was funny both times.

Isn’t finesse control one of the things Rockstar tends to be rather bad at?


google search in case the first ones don’t work

So this is out today, I guess. Anyone getting it? I’m sure it’ll be fun in a Virtua Tennis kind of way, but $40 fun?

It’s really sad when the 360 has so few games released per month that you look forward to Table Tennis.

Blarrrgh. Come on Crackdown! Or Gears of War! Or something!

I’ll probably buy Hitman: Bloodmoney out of starvation.