You've shit on your shirt... what would you do?

A hypothetical scenario;

You are presenting to the Board of Directors of a large outside firm, in a meeting that will make or break your small company. You’ve been called over to present your case to them, and hopefully win them over to your point of view. It’s not a hostile environment, but it’s not friendly either. This is a very hard to get, one shot, important meeting.

You arrive and check in with the front desk and are told to have a seat while the receptionist checks in with the boardroom, but she thinks they’ll be ready for you in about five minutes. Knowing you have a short time before your presentation you ask her to take your jacket and briefcase of materials into the boardroom while you visit the facilities. She agrees and you part ways, her into the board room to announce your momentary arrival and to leave your things, and you to the washroom. Owing to your nervousness at the situation, you’ve felt an increasing need to visit the restroom since you got in the cab to come over here. Thankful for the opportunity you rush through it, regretting steak and beans you ate the night before. The smell is something out of a horror movie and it occurs to you how embarrassing it would have been to have any related issues during your presentation.

Unfortunately as you’re cleaning yourself up, the tail of your shirt flaps down and you inadvertently wipe your ass with it as you go through the motions. Owing to your nervousness and your haste, this isn’t a “light” problem. You completely just wiped your ass with the tail of your shirt such that the entire part that would tuck into your pants is now caked with something unpleasant.

Your jacket, briefcase and presentation materials are now in the board room. You have nothing with you, and there is nothing in the washroom but the standard restroom facilities. As the realization of what’s happened sinks in you hear a knock on the door and you hear a voice ask if you’re coming, as the Board of Directors are waiting.

What do you do?

Run it under the sink, squish it dry on the counter, and go to the meeting.

As a father of 3, I can attest to the effectiveness of getting fecal matter out of clothing using nothing more than a washroom sink, hand soap, and some paper towels.

I forgot… pics or it didn’t happen.

For the sake of it… it was foul, and rinse as you might the stain and accompanying odor remain.

Go to the meeting nude.

In that case I’d give up on the juicy contract that’s feeding my kids and go sulk about it on Qt3.

What kind of sissy are you?

You know, it’s kind of sad that not only can I totally see this happening to you, but I also don’t really think it’s that uncommon for you.

It’s okay though, you are special.

Cut the offending section away with a knife, you can always buy a new shirt.

Try and work up at least a half chub as well.

You’re tucking in your shirt, so no one’s going to see the stain.

With enough hand soap, you should be able to mask any odor. I’ll never let my son forget the night we went to a Cajun restaurant, and he discovered how his 9 month old body was well suited to coping with all the spices in the vegetarian jambalaya – by forcibly expelling it into his diaper during the dessert course. He made a grunting noise at the end of the table, and I suddenly had to apologize to a bunch of strangers because a large blue cloud was filling the room.

Twenty minutes later, and a soak in the sink, and his onesy was good to go back over a clean diaper. Sure, he smelled like “rainforest goo” or whatever the soap smelled like that day, but it was a lot better than partially digested okra and rice.

I hate to use a pun but this is a shit thread.

And here I thought adults could wipe their ass without fucking it up.

Though I suppose this is EE.

Charles wins the thread.

So he gets to keep it now? Not a prize I’d really want.

I think this means that Charles accidentally got this thread all over his shirt.

Stop making stupid fucking threads.

And I mean that both as a reply to the original question and in general.

Hissy-fit looks sexy on you.