I’m sure I’m a horrible person. But I used to be as open-minded and liberal as possible about the whole thing with significant others having “just really good friends” of the opposite sex and living their own lives going out and doing whatever. You know, the whole, “Yeah, I go out and have drinks with them at night, don’t be silly or controlling, he’s just a friend,” thing.
Well, I ignored all of the signs in my own marriage because I did not want to be one of those controlling, manipulative males you read so much about on the internet. My wife went out at night with the guys from work, male friends, etc.
Surprise, surprise, my marriage ended with an affair with her “just a really good friend.” I’ve since read and researched it, and it happens a lot. Like really, a lot. It’s also happened to a number of friends of mine.
I no longer give a fuck what enlightened people think about this subject. I’m not interested in a significant other who insists on having a collection of (or even one) really close “guy friends.” I just don’t think it works. When you build intimacy and a close relationship with someone of the opposite sex who is not your significant other, there is too great a risk that it eventually crosses over. It also undermines the main relationship. To be blunt, I also know men. I’ve actually talked about this subject with many of them. Nearly all have admitted that even when a woman is a friend, they still think from time to time about fucking them. They may not push for it, they may not even actively think about it, but it’s there. You can’t get rid of fundamental biology. It’s a temptation that should not be there for someone in a committed relationship.
Obviously, this is subject to interpretation. I’m not talking about an occasional outing with people from work. I don’t expect someone to lock themselves in a hotel room. But I do expect my relationship with a significant other to be primary, and that does not include late night drinking apart, long trips apart, etc.
And to be completely fair, I apply exactly the same standards to myself. I have never cheated on someone in my life. I have no interest in doing it - it is so painful and destructive to another life, I never want to put someone through that. Even so, I will not put myself in positions with women that are disrespectful or worrisome to my significant other.
Fortunately, I have no interest in controlling someone. If they’re really interested in going out, maintaining male friends with relationships that are too intimate, etc., they are genuinely free to do so. I just take it as a sign they are not interested in a committed relationship with me, and they can have all the male friends they want.
All of the other shit in the article (not letting her drink, his first concern after her surgery being, “When can I have sex with her?”) is absolutely disgusting.
