Diablo movie LOL

This thread needed a Whitta-esque title, cos aparently he’s writing it.

The news partially confirms a story last month by the Hollywood Reporter, which noted in passing Legendary’s connection to the Diablo film and stated that the screenplay will be scribed by Gary Whitta, whom longtime gamers may remember as the first editor of PC Gamer. Whitta also wrote the series of graphic novels based on Backbone Entertainment’s Death Jr. game franchise, and contributed to the scripts of Epic Games’ Gears of War, Human Head’s Prey, and 3D Realms’ upcoming Duke Nukem Forever.

Who’s directing? I hear Tony Kaye could use a job.

That’s pretty fine. Now that Gary’s becoming such a sought-after screenwriter, I hope they’re finally going to film his Paradroid screenplay.

[size=-99]And while we’re at it, his diary.[/size]

Screw the Diablo movie. Make another Diablo game instead!

LOL is right!

If Whitta is writing it then there will be demon-chogglepants.

I can’t wait for the X-Com and SMAC movies that are due out soon.

SPOILER: Half of the cast dies in the first ten minutes.

FURTHER SPOILER: The other half dies in the second ten minutes.

I can hear the pitch now: “OK OK OK, ok, ok… it’s like… DAWN OF THE DEAD meets ALIENS.”

But how many of them die to friendly fire?

Hopefully Blizzard realise the need for a new game to cash in on the movie (irony, eh?). Or perhaps dun-dun-dunnnn… there is one already we don’t know about.

Ha ha ha, you get a gold star for the day.

2 2
THE NECROMANCER (early 30s, distinguished yet
somehow twisted, strides to the mausoleum.
His hands CRACKLE with mystic shadow energy.
(Note: black robe should fall open to show his
manly chest. Can we get Pierce Brosnan? If
not, The Rock or Vin Diesel. -GW)

Alsi ku nushi ilani mushiti
Itti kunu alsi mushitum kallatum kattumtum
Alsi bararitum qablitum u namaritum
Ashshu kashshaptu u kashshipanni diavolo!
(Note: I don’t think this is copywrite, I stole it off
the web so we’d better check. -GW)

He begins to laugh maniacally. We see madness in
his eyes, slitted like a cat’s. All around, hands in
grotesque shapes pierce the earth as his minion arise
to their master’s service.
When they come to light, they are revealed as horrid
perversions of nature, rotted and foul, then touched
by moonlight and revealed as beautiful women, clad
in nothing but shadows and piercing crimson eyes. They
all look like NECROMANCER’S WIFE (seen in FLASHBACK
in scene 14).
(Note: use romanian prostitutes here? Lots of
brunettes, anyway. They’re eviler. -GW)

(skip forward a couple of pages here, lets get to the good stuff!)

21 21

CLOSE ZOOM on a massive stone door. It has stood for
millenia. Then, the door shakes, and a BLOODY HAND
comes through, breaking it forever. PULL back and we
see that the hand is connected to the BLOOD GOLEM.
The golem enters, clearing the way for the Necromancer,
his minions, and the buxom Miss Pennywhistle.
(Note: Miss Pennywhistle should still be wearing
the EVIL BUSINESSMAN’s white dress shirt, and it should be
sticking to her in all the right places with Duriel’s
thick viscous white slime. Does Mandy Moore do nudity?
If not lets push for Tara Reid. No glasses, though. -GW)

Miss Pennywhistle whistles slowly as she enters the room.

Wow! I never imagined I would ever see such
a frightful place in archeology school! You sure know how to
show a girl a good time, Necromancer!

The Necromancer disdains to reply, but we see him
eyeing her shapely body while she is unaware and it
is obvious he is pleased. It is clear these two unlikely
bedfellows have made a real connection.

Miss Pennywhistle walks around aimlessly, then sits
upon the Pharoah’s grand sarcophagus.


No! Tiffany! Don’t! You mustn’t!

There is a grinding noise, and the lights dim. The
Necromancers’ minions chatter to themselves
nervously, then Miss Pennywhistle turns her torch
around and gasps as dozens of BURNING BEETLES
approach. She is about to be consumed!

CLOSE UP on the Necromancer’s eyes as he makes his
decision. He is to be redeemed.
(Note: Here is where we see how much the Necromancer
changed in his character arc. In the beginning, he
only cared about bones and magic and his lovable
yet sad clay golem named after his dead wife, but
now we see that he truly loves Miss Pennywhistle as
he puts his butt on the line for another. Ass is about
to be whooped, and the Necromancer saves the day! This
is a pivotal moment in the film. -GW)

It’d be worth watching just for corpse explosion.

Is the plucky group of adventures hunting down the evil rogue wearing a Godly Plate Of The Whales and a hacked dagger that one shots anyone it touches?

God that made me feel old.

and 3D Realms’ upcoming Duke Nukem Forever.

Not sure what’s funnier a Diablo movie or that line.