I love this phrase. Why don’t I have a phrase like that?
Couple of toes, my right thumb, and three hip fractures (two hairline and one more).
Nope, never broken a bone, yet. I’ve broken a few hearts, though…
Probably ribs in a couple auto accidents. But I never went to a doctor. I got broadsided by an armored car once. Idiot driver didn’t see the stop sign.
Well it does consume your life, especially the year I spent living part-time in Portland. I only injured my knee that season! My favorite part of derby retirement is not feeling injured all the time, although it did come unexpectedly with the pandemic.
Not that I know of, but one of my fingers has a curvature that suggests that I actually broke it at some point without knowing. So, uh, maybe?
Ribs are like toes, if you’re still somewhat functional there’s nothing docs can do to help. Tape the toes, don’t tape the ribs, enjoy the suckiness for days or weeks.
That’s what I found out from the doctor when I suspected I might have a fracture in my toe. I asked about an x-ray to determine if there was a fracture. His response was just buddy tape it to a neighbouring toe because regardless of what an x-ray might show, that’s pretty much all that can be done. So I may have fractured a toe once or twice.
Of course. Like that time it had to be set three times as a kid.
The most annoying break though was walking off the beach on Coronado Island and walking down slope on a sand dune between the beach and parking, didn’t see an irrigation valve box covered in sand (and sloped with the dune), slipped on it carrying a bunch of umbrellas and chairs on my shoulder, and the pile drived the asphalt like a wrestler with my elbow. Broke my shoulder and my wrist at the same time.
Just this summer in fact, broke my ankle. Roller skating with crappy rink-rental skates that had no ankle support to speak of. Bad luck while trying to avoid a kid flying by in front of me. Ended up off my feet for about two months, surgery to put in a couple pins and a plate. Feels pretty good now, but it wasn’t a lot of fun through the fall!
I felt the same way about MMA back in the day. In a sense those were my peak years, or perhaps my adolescences’ last act. I had to retire due to exertion migraines. Still have those if I go too hard at anything.
Never broke a bone on my life. Riding (and falling off of) bikes since early childhood. Judo, a decade of alcohol and copious amounts of weed, fighting MMA thrice a week for years. Plenty of bumps and bruises and painful sprains. Some permanent damage here and there, but never even a toe or finger!
Oh that sucks! I’m kind of reticent of rolling things as an adult now - just standing on a skateboard makes visions of hip replacement flash before my eyes.
Just wait until the question is about tendons and ligaments!
Tented metacarpal (hand)
Depressed skull fracture.
Broken lower left leg.
Cracked clavicle.
Right foot (metatarsal).
This is in time order. The hand was from punching a head. Don’t do that.
The skull and leg from being hit by a car.
The clavicle? I had a few episodes of just passing out for a while.
Foot? I was going to feed the bird.
Nothing broken but my freaking thumb is a trigger thumb that had locked solid (cortisone shot unlocked) or the worst was dislocating it in a road bike wipeout. I made some noises I didn’t know I was capable of when the doctor put it back in at the ER.
Never broke anything. But - was playing flag football once and reached back to catch a pass, and dislocated my left pinky. Was bent backwards the way it was supposed to bend forward. I just grabbed it and popped it back in place, then got a splint and taped it up.
My finger ended up healing in a permanent hook. Like Dr Evil, but the left hand. Doesn’t hurt - just will never be able to straighten it out.
I’ve broken one of my wrist bones as a kid, running down a hill and catching my fall with said wrist. But as an adult, I’ve broken three separate toes, all on different recreational boating days combined with alcohol.
I’ve had several fractures: skull (car accident), fingers (three times), jaw (kicked while making a diving save during a soccer match), toes (twice), foot, ribs (three times)
Funniest was my big toe; I was walking into the kitchen with heavy grocery bags and realized just in time I was about to step on the cat. Instead, I went on point to bridge over his body and did a little pirouette to avoid falling over. Apparently my toe disagreed with the assertion I possessed such grace and there it went.
I broke several, all at once! On a motorbike, of course.
Ok, it wasn’t that bad.
I was suffering a bad mix of the following: a cold early morning pissing down with rain, tiredness due to stress, and a slightly higher than usual level of ADHD inattentiveness. I also, maybe, was going a little fast. Maybe. So, despite seeing an approaching traffic jam, I ended up braking a liiiiiittle too late, and consequently squeezed them a liiiiiittle too hard. I ended up in a tank slapper buuuut did exactly what you’re not supposed to do* and ended up with the wheel locking all the way to the left… before violently locking all the way to the right.
So I got thrown off about an eternity** later. My bike apparently slid and whacked the rear of a car in front of me. Fortunately, my body did not do the same. People stopped and helped me drag my motorbike off to the side of the road (no way my noodle arms were managing that). Then I stood there, in the still pissing rain, burning white hot with embarrassment for having inconvenienced so many people. Eventually an ambo came and I sulked off to the hospital.
I have no idea how much speed I’d dumped before getting thrown but when I bit the asphalt it caused hairline fractures in my left arm and leg. Not too bad. But that tank slapper? Well, the handlebars whipping round almost 180° at god knows what speed totally rekt the metacarpal for the thumb in my right hand.
I ended up getting surgery for that, had to have a rod inserted - I made a good recovery (I was lucky in that, according to the surgeon) and got the rod removed. The hairlines they didn’t even bother giving me casts for, but they hurt like hell regardless. I effectively lost the use of both arms for a couple months; every time I needed the toilet fox.mrs had to come and wipe my junk. It’s funny how you can be completely intimate with someone for years, know every inch of each other’s body… yet still feel totally alienated, vulnerable and, somehow, violated in such a situation (ok, I have body issues generally, but still).
Lucky I didn’t get pasted by one of the drivers behind me. I’ve avoided riding in rain since. Tho that stretch of road still makes my stomach knot a little when I drive through, even just as a passenger.
* That is, I gripped as hard as I could and try to force my way through it. Much fail.
** Approx. one second
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