@CraigM You are welcome and thank you.
@Tman That was Tom as marquac said. My suggestion is to bring up specific things you want to know about and then let them talk about what they want by letting them know you are there for that or you are there to drink a beer and talk shit if they would prefer. I am glad it helped,
@divedivedive There are no good answers other than being there and being understanding. I try to avoid the generic responses, but I still fall prey to them on occasion. Know that most of the time people aren’t in their heads sticking your voodoo doll pins. It’s the incessant generic platitudes that begin to seem insincere. Fumbling around and not knowing what to say is better. I didn’t want anyone to be discomfited, but as the days wore on, raw honesty would slip out and it had to shock some and/or hurt feelings, but you get to a point where you are laser focused on simply making it through each day without exploding and your armor starts to simply fall away. It does also depend on the person, but as pressure mounted, everyone got unfettered Tyler.
@tylertoo Thanks much man and thanks again for asking. I saw your post when you made it, but some days I still just only want to communicate in certain ways. Blathering on Facebook, unfortunately, has become a crutch as I felt no need to carry on a conversation and that makes it easier. I dump my brain into a post and people could commiserate or unfollow me as they saw fit depending on their desire for agonizing posts or cat pics. Occasionally I continue my thoughts or I walk away from it as my catharsis ends. I still grieve for you as well. Though I have been through a lot, it is hard for me to conceive through what you have been.
It will be hard on my 13 year old, but that was another factor in breaking u with my girlfriend. I needed to be at home more. Yes, she will need to adjust to her sister being gone, but she will need access to me and that had been reduced by going out. I also realize I cannot give up my own life, but I need more of a balance that includes her more. My oldest has done amazingly well. She is ready to spread her wings and is far more confident and independent than her mother or I were. She has the normal nerves with such a change, but is ready to go. I am proud of them both.
Thanks again for any compliments on the writing. Mostly it pours out. I re-read things a few times and certainly did that piece more than most things, but the thoughts come out pretty well formed when they do come. The rest of the time, they are locked away to avoid the related anguish.
Enough about me. I hope all of you struggling with early or late stages of similar circumstances or the aftermath are surviving. Know the people suffering desire what we still have and that is relatively good health. I take that for granted too often and should not. Your loved ones would want you to go on and live your life as fully as possible where they maybe cannot. I know my wife wanted that for me. It’s not always possible as obstacles abound and there are going to be days when you feel you fail at everything, but I am trying to hold onto the cliche that you get a new try each day. Living that way consistently is going to take a bit longer, though.
Hugs to everyone. Hugs are good I have found. If you and those close to you are unopposed, hug each other more.
