Horses: What if A24 and David Lynch made a video game?

Technically, this is not a game from A24 or David Lynch. But it is a weird little game that’s kind of disturbing. Just in case it’s not on your radar…

…what the actual fuck?

I played through a demo of the first two days. It’s a slow build and pretty weird. The developers are going for an interesting playthrough more than a replayable experience.


I wonder if this is the beginning of a long-term running in-joke that will have poor @Andy_Bates always regretting having started the thread for that Horses game. : )

How is this different from umamusume?

I think a better question would be, how is it similar?

I think an even better question would be, what’s a umamusume?

Nothing much. What’s a umamusume with you?

I lol’d.

Horse racing but lewdable. Well, without being into bestiality, that is.

Brought to you by the same mindset that did “Naval combat, but lewdable”, “Firearms, but lewdable” and “WW2 tank battles, but with schoolgirls”.
It’s a thing. Don’t ask me why.

As for that A24/Lynch thing…not buying whatever cheesegrater-adjacent fetish you’re selling here. I’d rather go lewd the Bismarck or something…

Yeah I don’t think it has anything to do with Uma Musume at all. They don’t even seem like the same genre.

So you’re saying there’s lewdonarrative dissonance?

Ha, nice one! That couldn’t have gone better if you guys had planned it!

This article seems to be more interested in telling us how ugly the models are than much of substance about the actual game - which, I mean, we have eyes, dude - so take it for what it’s worth.


The premise is that you’re a harried young man who must spend 14 summer days helping out on a farm, which harbours a terrible mystery. As the curtain rises, you walk up to the gate and bid good day to the Farmer, who is perhaps the worst thing in a game that “features scenes of physical violence, psychological abuse, gory imagery (mutilation, blood), depictions of slavery, torture, domestic abuse, sexual assault, and substance abuse”.

4chan edgelords write “human centipede + my little pony” crossover-fanfic, the game.
Must be art, because it sure as heck doesn’t sound like it’s fun.

14 days helping out in a farm, suddenly suicide, mutilation, substance abuse, and more! Well this thing just sells itself huh?

Some people won’t watching disturbing movies like Mulholland Drive for the same reasons. Something can be uncomfortable or disturbing and still have value.

And it’s possible to enjoy the taste of things that are bitter and sour, too.

14 days helping out in a farm, suddenly suicide, mutilation, substance abuse, and more! Well this thing just sells itself huh?

Indeed! I’m getting more and more excited to see what this thing turns out to be.

Just hope no-one accidentally buys this for their pre-teen daughter, thinking it’s a horsey game. That’d be one birthday she won’t forget!

And, honestly, I’m not seeing much Lynch in that video…more like something Bela Tarr might direct.