A Troll is someone who speaks non-serious words, but whose words serve as a catalyst for communication… a catalyst for debate. Cleve Blakemore is a Troll, mostly. He is a very good though not great troll. Once you put his words through a five or...
This is what it used to be like.
Cleve_Blakemore:
You’ve already talked to me, in person, many times Peter on the job we worked together on. What was my problem? Was I a hater? Or was I somewhere between 1000 and 10,000 times better read, better thought, more experienced and more widely exposed to the realities of the world than probably anybody you’ve ever known in your entire adult life?
In all honesty, Pete, you don’t really think that a guy who has had his ass planted as an animatronic in front of a CRT screen the past ten years could hope to hold a candle to a human being like me, do you? It would be like comparing an animal who has spent his entire life in captivity in a tiny cage with a free roaming Wolverine.
This is pretty much the life story of everybody you know, Pete:
Lived with mum n’ dad in little middle class house in all-white suburb.
Went to college after graduating from higher school, at no time any thought processes actually triggered in brain, no need for them, mostly existed in hallucinogenic fake reality that was combination of old episodes of Gilligan’s Island and Star Trek.
Graduated with specialist degree in technical skill, majored in marxist brainwashing.
Hired out of school where worked at meaningless day job, earning revenues for government as slave in fiat money system, nights occupied by idle chatter about spectator sports, consumer goods and childless random sexual encounters or possible encounters. Life basically like that of main character in Brazil except with less dismal looking buildings.
Bought lots of junk promoted in popular culture and lived vicariously through the accounts of the lives of celebrities.
Right?
Now, compare this with my life, Pete. I won’t bore you with details, but :
Grew up moving weekly in single parent broken home, experienced enormous tragedy and loss before I was even out of high school.
After being diagnosed as a savant at 9 years old, spent most of my life completely ignoring educational system and instead teaching myself through a self-imposed regimen of reading 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, for around 20 years.
At 22 years, had visited half the nations on Earth in the military and worked beside the other races up close and personal for nearly four years on a daily basis less than inches away.
At 24 years old, apparently went through some Bruce Banner type of physical metamorphosis where I went from being a slim, mild mannered intellectual and turned myself (without steroids) into a hellish super-powered comic book character with the strength of ten men.5. Life from 25 to 30 was just a wee bit short of a full-on John Woo film, with an epic battle in the streets of Los Angeles during the riots with automatic weapons and full roundhouse spinning kicks keeping the Zulu hordes at bay until the National Guard could arrive. This was my final year before migrating to Oz, you see. So while you were laughing yourself silly over Seinfeld at home, masturbating and building your Nintendo Pog collection, I was smashing through the plate glass windows of department stores in stranglehold death locks with these great diversity enrichers you’re always telling me I’ve got it all wrong about. You claim I just don’t know what I’m talking about you see, because you just rented the latest Denzel Washington film and were just flabbergasted by the noble spirit of this supernegro and can’t see how anybody would ever consider themselves anything but a second class citizen in comparison and how the most wonderful thing that could happen to any of us is to someday get the opportunity to force our girlfriends to fellate one of these fine princes of the universe.
But I’m the one who is just not right in the head, you see. I’ve got it all wrong. Uh-huh. I’m the one who needs to get hisself more edujmacated.
You know what somebody said to me the other day?
“Your problem is all this independent reading you do. If you were more like other people and just read the books that everybody knows are important and stayed away from books in general, plus you should watch more television, you’d be more like all of us and not so weird. I mean nobody reads nowadays, it’s practically antisocial to read. Reading can make a person act really odd so it’s their fault if they end up in trouble with the law.”
Well, you’d reckon, wouldn’t you?
I just wanted to highlight that gem.
These guys were like the low years of SNL… you know like all of it.
You know, if you filter out a bit of the bitterness from Cleve’s description of an “ordinary life” it sounds kinda nice. Grew up, went to school, got a job, hung out with friends, bought stuff. What else do you need, really?
Hawkeye_Fierce:
You know, if you filter out a bit of the bitterness from Cleve’s description of an “ordinary life” it sounds kinda nice. Grew up, went to school, got a job, hung out with friends, bought stuff. What else do you need, really?
Round-house kicking black men through plate glass windows, apparently. And growing up in a broken home.
RickH
August 1, 2006, 11:54am
6
WTF do you expect, it’s in P&R. Don’t jump into the pigsty and pretend to be shocked that you’re up to your knees in feces and filth.
That’s when they first started P&R, that was what Everything Else looked like
Cleve vs Koontz vs the Narrator. It truly was a golden age.
We will never see its like again gentlemen.
The man took another long look at himself. “Wagner James Au,” he said, “you are a fucking genius.”
Lum
August 1, 2006, 1:59pm
9
That thread reminded me of the greatness of Sam Sloan. Thanks Chet.
He’s running for Congress!
http://www.samsloan.com/samsflyer.pdf
Vote Sloan: “Literally, completely crazed.”
Met_K
August 1, 2006, 3:12pm
11
What happened to you, Jason? You used to be someone I could trust.
Ah, the Narrator. Those were the days. When Koontz was -gently touched-, that was the end of a dying (in)breed.
Erik_J
August 1, 2006, 7:20pm
16
Just pulling a google of Cleve Blakemore gives you an amazing mass of material to read. All entirely awesome.
Erik J.
They used to kick his ass right up into the sky and he’d come back down as sunshine.
