This struck a chord with me. For most of my life as a professional software engineer, I felt this way myself. I felt like everyone else must understand everything, and since I didn’t, I was a total idiot. You know, when someone starts talking about some technical subject in a group, you assume everyone else is following along at 100%, while you are just trying to figure out the very basics.
For so many years, I was waiting for the hammer to come down when people realized I was an idiot and barely knew what I was doing. Yet people were very happy with my work and spoke highly of me. It got so bad, I though there was some kind of plot, some kind of joke they were playing on me. That one day there would be a big reveal when people would tell me what they really thought.
I am not quite sure how I dug myself out of that hole, but the truth is, if you are kind of lost on a subject, then most people in the room are, and are probably thinking the same thing you are. You are not an idiot in a world of all-knowing geniuses. You are in a world where most people are in the middle of the road in terms of ability and knowledge. In fact, you may be the smartest person in the room, and if not, you certainly are not likely to be the dumbest.
That is a good message. On a rational level, I knew that. I was one of the people that my other coworkers would come to to get help. There were a small number of people who were clearly on much higher level than me, but in general I was on the higher end of the normal range. For years I was confident. Something happened that made me wonder if I was as good as people thought I was, or that even I thought I was, but I just didn’t know why I felt that way.
Even though I don’t work, that feeling still exists. I feel that my intelligence has fallen off rapidly since I stopped working. Even here at Qt3, I find myself noticing that so many other people have much more sophisticated thoughts about games and other topics. I read them and think to myself I never would have come up with something so eloquent, or made such observations.
robc04:
What you need is self-acceptance.
I have a simple exercise, that in the long run will do you a world of good:
Every single day, find at least 3 things to appreciate about your self or your life. Just notice these things and allow yourself a few moments of genuine appreciation. Eventually, this will change your world.
I really like these last several posts, guys. Even though I’ve been in my industry for 14 years, and at my current job for 6, I constantly feel like a total fraud, yet my bosses and co-workers adore my work. Self-confidence is a relatively new thing in my life, and professionally it feels like that’s where I’m weakest. Y’all have given me a lot to chew on. Thank you.
Thank you DeepT, I’ll give it a try. I definitely appreciate my life. For as much as I don’t make great choices at home sometimes, my wife accepts me for who I am.
Good. I think it will work out for you, but you will need to stick with it for some time. Just know, that its your opinion of yourself that matters most, but not so much of what someone else’s opinion of you…
Its kind of like this, if you gain value of self from someone else’s opinion of you, then you may end spending great effort to please someone else, while making yourself miserable doing so. Perhaps it might be better put. If self-worth were money, you could give all your money to someone else in hopes that they will give you some back. However, it would be vastly better to simply pay yourself directly and cut out the middle man.
Okay, I’ll go. Hi, I am Linn. Been hanging around at QT3 for many years, long before vetting, I guess I joined about 2002-2003. Mostly no one knows me because I don’t say much. I found this forum after my main game forum hangout disappeared (State – I’m pretty sure there are a few names here I recognise from there).
Got hooked on video games with the very first Pong console, so yes, I’m old. Was primarily a console player until WOW and Elder Scrolls 4, and now almost entirely game on computer or hand helds. My Steam back log is daunting, but still nothing comparted to some of the other forumites here at QT3.
In real life, I’m the administrator for a large non-profit agency in Ontario. I’ve got a husband, adult offspring and a cat.
I remember the first time I was at a meeting, sitting a table with people who had decades in the industry and suddenly I knew the most about something. Like somehow a topic came up and I was the person at the table who knew the most about it… was the expert. I also remember thinking how did this happen? This can’t be right. I suspect self-doubt is more common than you think as well as the sudden realization that you know stuff!
I’ve been at my current job about two years and prior to starting this job, I had never worked with Access databases. But I’ve taken on the responsibility of maintaining and making modifications and break fixes for many of them at this job. As a consequence, I am referred to by several coworkers as the “Access expert”, which is only true in comparison with just about anyone else at my office, but I am not at all an expert. It’s just the way things work out sometimes, I have to laugh about it.
I recently switched careers, and it’s a hell of a thing. I left a field where I could legitimately say that there may only be a small handful, probably a dozen or less and certainly double digits max, people in the country better than I was. I’d done it for 11 years, and could genuinely lay claim to being an expert packaging designer.
Which made the prospect of switching all the more enervating. Even though all the reasons were there, better pay, better prospects, gone to school for it, etc, actually doing it and overcoming that trepidation of going from the top to the bottom?
I actually enjoy that sort of thing. I’ve changed careers twice now, mainly out of boredom. I frequently look at new positions to see what new things I can learn. I have a tendency to “double dog care” myself into situations I’m not totally sure I can get myself out of, which is how I ended up at Microsoft. Also I bought a standard transmission car in college when I didn’t know how to drive stick. It can be liberating to try something new and giving yourself permission to be a novice. If you’re straight with everyone that you’re not a complete subject matter expert but are open to learning, in my experience that’s opened a lot of doors for me.
I’m Guap. I love open world shooters, boardgames and beer.
I’ve done a lot of things for a living. IT consultant, stop motion animator, and I started a workspace for parents in SoCal. And, like many people, I’ve also been an arms dealer.
I came to QT3 right before Bethesda’s Oblivion came out because they were promoting their new, hot shit Radiant AI. A QT3 thread came up in a search about it and I was so intrigued by the conversation I stayed.
Ironically, I’m working on my own AI now, one that will help anyone make an animated movie and can even make movies by itself. We just completed the UI for it and after testing and putting it on a server are about to release it into the wild.
“…You just made the list, buddy. And I don’t like nobody touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I’ll kill you. Also, I don’t like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I’ll kill you.”
Wow. That’s fascinating. If in fact, that is what Rob is describing, he’s in very good company.
People who have reportedly experienced the syndrome include multiple-award-winning writer Maya Angelou,[8] Academy Award-winning actor Tom Hanks,[9] actress Michelle Pfeiffer,[10] screenwriter Chuck Lorre,[11] best-selling writer Neil Gaiman,[12][13] best-selling writer John Green, comedian Tommy Cooper,[14] business leader Sheryl Sandberg, US Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor,[15] actress Emma Watson,[16] and entrepreneur Mike Cannon-Brookes.[17]
