Some of what I’m reading of my past posts I’m sorry for being so emotional and continually adding paragraphs of too much information. Some of you may be tired of reading about my health struggles, though I try to balance them with happier, funner stuff elsewhere.
I keep re-evaluating things as some far right family members continually make clear on Facebook people like myself are not worth the cost to keep us around. A drain on society. Used to shrug this off, but as I sometimes see this shredding of community value leaves me confused and sad. Where this forum is so valuable in its stead, yet I post so badly at times I start to wonder if people have a point.
I hope this post too doesn’t reinforce their point, but maybe it does and then I’ll just want to throw up. Had been thinking of this for weeks, just wanted anyone to know I am hyper aware of my failings and I know this is out of blue and unncessary but I didn’t know where or how to, communicate right. Sorry for more drain, and please take care.
My brother, I can hardly imagine living with the pain and health fears that you do, but what I truly can’t imagine is being one of those family members who would say things that make you feel like you are not worth the cost.
I don’t know if this makes you feel better or differently, but I imagine that those family members used to just mutter this bullshit into their morning coffees, and now they have a platform from which to holler their bullshit. Community values may not be shredding any more than violent crime is, but anyone listening to the bullshit channels of Facebook and Twitter are just hearing it more often and it heightens that shredding feeling.
The phrase, “It’s only money” has never been more apt than it is here.
Our society is set up to accommodate everyone within it. This society does value the sanctity of life, and that includes yours.
Yes, medical cost are higher than they’ve ever been right now, and that being the case, anyone who goes to a hospital for any surgery would, according to those who don’t think about it, be a “drain on society”. Many of those people who are critical of those in your position are (statistically) uninsured, and I think they’ll be pretty hypocritical the first time one of them suffers a simple broken leg and can’t pay the $70,000 bill. Don’t let them get you down.
Another phrase comes to mind: “There but for the grace of God go I.”
More people need to learn it.
This forum is overwhelmingly behind you.
There may be times that the world may seem to be comprised primarily of assholes. Especially on the internet. Don’t lose focus on your people who are there for you in real life.
Your value is much greater and much more abstract than can be measured in simple concepts like “your value is only as great as what you contribute economically to society”. That is total bullshit, and you need to stop thinking that way. Most reasonable people can empathize with you; trust me on that.
The concept of humans represented as positive or negative dollar signs reduces us all to less than human.
It doesn’t matter what those far right people think. They would be feeling the same way you do if they were in your position. The wealthy and healthy help bolster the poor and the sick.And when it’s someone you know, they usually drop their principals anyway. There might be arguments around the best method to address the problem, but I don’t consider people who are sick and seeking help a drain on anything, and hopefully your support system reminds you, often, that your not failing and your worth it.
Two things you need to remember to help you keep perspective.
Most people operate out of a sense of motivated self interest. That’s a polite way of saying that people are generally selfish and that reflects itself in major way, in social media, where they are not dealing with people face to face.
You are way too hard on yourself. Cut yourself some slack. You face enough in life, there is no need to add beating yourself up mentally, to the equation.
Just wait until they need help and support from others.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through jp and, like others have said above, you shouldn’t be worrying and apologising about your posts here. I think most folk would be concerned if you didn’t post anything to be honest.
I’ll never forget this particular comment from @arrendek on your Steam Controller thread because it got a good chuckle out of me too:
‘Controller’ has sounded boring ever since. Keep posting jp! :-)
Please remember that all these people and their hateful opinions put together are worth less than a single moment of pleasure you may get from a sunrise or a smile or any of the other myriad reasons for continuing to exist. Anyone who expresses such vile opinions should be utterly ashamed of themselves, and yet they don’t have the moral center or self-awareness that would allow them ever to realize just what monsters they are.
i hope it’s not inappropriate for me to say I love you all in a brotherly way. I’ve never felt I deserved the kindness qt3 gave me though you should all know it was so instrumental in helping when I nearly passed away several years ago when I got hundreds of letters sent up from the secretary office. And then Summer 2016 when I nearly passed away again you were there to offer the most valuable advice: what game should I play to try and heal by laying on my couch and you picked best thing ever: Witcher 3. You rebuilt me like they rebuilt $6 million dollar man. Except you fixed me with 6 texts and no robot eyeballs but my own eyeballs got to see and play the best game everand wow that was healing.
I hope there’s a heaven or some kind of higher power that takes our minds/souls and our collective experiences and brings us to that next higher level power of consciousness. Because outside of my nuclear family, YOU are who I want to spend my eternicacal time with.
