Request: Humorous list of computers not to service

So I’m now a manager at a tech bench at [big box retail electronics store]. The pay isn’t all that great, but between the benefits, discount and no longer having to deal with the tax and other paperwork of doing freelance in-house technical support, it wasn’t a bad deal compared to doing it on my own.

Anyway …

We’ve got a sign up, mostly for comedy value, reminding techs not to accept any computer with only ISA ports on the motherboard as being entirely too old.

I’d like some other suggestions for adding to the list. Things like: “Any computer with a Voodoo 1 card”.

Kaypro = No go

Any computer with a Turbo button.

Mark Crump wins.

You should probably turn away anybody that is having trouble installing their printer ribbon.

Anybody with a serial mouse.

Any computer with a 5 1/4 inch floppy drive.

Any computer with a tape drive.

Any computer that generates less heat than the monitor with which it’s coupled.

I’ve got nothin…

Anything with a 5.25" floppy drive.
Anything with a built in CRT monitor.
Anything with CGA/EGA/64/128 or Amiga stenciled on it.

Any monitor with green glass.

Minimum of 256 colors (4bit color) required. I think 4 bit.

Anything with an apple on the front. Oh snap!

My girlfriend has a shockingly competent computer with a serial mouse. It doesn’t even have a PS/2 port, and before that I had never known mice could be serial.

When was the end of the serial mouse era?

Anyway, Derek, “No USB = No service”

Anything that runs Windows.


I’d say probably around the time Windows 95 came out. By then, pretty much every computer was shipping with PS/2 ports along with PS/2 peripherals.

Anything without a sound card of some sort.

Adlib, Game Blasters, and Covox Speech Things do not count.

…and those of us with nForce series main boards???

Sound cards. Heh.

I work on anything. Fixing it… another issue! :lol:

Anything that uses a VESA Local Bus graphics card.