Make stuff up, the weirder the better. If you do this right, eventually these people will avoid you entirely.
You could try blowing rasberries and then shouting “Alert, Alert, Containment Breached!”
That would put them off the track right quick.
I can’t believe you started a fucking thread over this. YOU told ME about your problem with crabs, I asked how it was going two months later, to be polite and all, and you passive-aggressively attack me like this.
Guess what, there was another page in that report I didn’t show you. Might want to go back to the clinic. Just to be sure.
That was really none of our business.
Kudos robsam, that was inspired.
Seems to me the correct form on a gaming forum is “Would you kindly fuck off.”
It’s one of those opportunities to inject a little humour and get all passive aggressive.
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.” This usually earns a silence, especially if you try to look just a little psychotic. Or try looking off into the distance and let a wry, wistful little smile creep up on your face and chuckle, just a bit. Works every time.
“MYOB”. Acronyms are good, they show you don’t give a rat’s ass, not even enough to take the time to say four little words, let alone share your innermost nether parts with someone else. It’s unlikely anybody is going to pry anything further out of you after this.
Seriously, I agree with others that saying mind your own business is passive aggressive (or beyond that, depending on tone) and a pretty harsh way of establishing boundaries. If you want some unpleasantness, use it, if you want to lower yourself to the lowest common denominator form of discourse, use it. If you want to be more artful in how you treat others (and yourself, ultimately), be kinder and gentler, but still insistent.
Nobody can force you to share inappropriate information and if several attempts fail to do the trick, I just let it run out of gas and go silent. People are very uncomfortable with silence, most can’t stand it for more than a few seconds before they will have to bring up some other subject and move on.
Horrorshow
I tried this when my wife asked who texted me a few days ago. I got the exact same response!
I prefer nonsense answers to personal questions.
You: “Where did you go yesterday?”
Me: “I had a doctor’s appointment.”
You: “Really, what for?”
Me: “I think I blew out my O-Ring. My dog has been coughing up furballs, and my toast has been really crispy. So I wanted to get it checked. Turns out it was nothing.”
You: …
I agree with reservation, vagueness and deflection. But then, of course, I am English.
You could always turn it around and say “Why do you ask?”
ME: Won’t be in today. cough, cough
Work: What’s the problem?
ME: Uh… Dick fell off.
Work: …
click
I try to do this as often as possible. I have one girl at work who is just legitimately afraid to ask me the most innocuous of things.
“How was your weekend.” Blank stare in return “Oh… Oh… Okay goodbye.”
Delightful!
Says you.
Blank stare
Fixed that for you.
LOL, they never said that! It was a full proof excuse until you came along.
Well, just ask them “have you seen my typing?” if they come back with that.