You Can’t Run Forever [The Woods]: J.K. Simmons’ whiplash

My apologies to anyone who put this on their radar because of this topic. I rented it today after struggling to figure out why I couldn’t find mention of the movie on IMDB anymore. Turns out that it’s been renamed ‘The Woods’.

It should have both run forever and stayed hidden in the woods because this is one bad movie.

J.K. Simmons, at least, did it because it’s directed by his wife, had a minor starring role for his daughter, and a brother-in-law did the composing. So, a family thing according to the trivia. Whew, at least he didn’t do it because he thought it was actually, you know, good.

Terrible acting throughout with an idiotic story, bad writing, and characters that never behave the way they should have. Simmons barely has to act at all, just quip some one-liners. I got the motivation almost right based on the trailer, but you only discover that after two thirds of the movie is complete. It could have been a bit better if they had a load of misdirection to his motivation and then had a bigger reveal/connection later on, but alas, that was not to be. Or if his irrational behaviour was a bit more ‘logical’ in the way he went about it instead of being so haphazard and random. What a waste.

Seriously, I took this one for the team because I posted the thread, now you don’t have to.

Thank you for your service.

Just because the bar was so low, I did kind of like the finale when the pregnant lady remembers to chamber a round. I also liked the idea of the cops on the case being two in-over-their-heads kids, basically, because the sheriff had been the subject of a recall campaign and hadn’t been replaced yet. That’ll teach the people to launch a recall campaign!

There’s a similar plot thread in a movie I really liked called God’s Country. The local authorities had been involved in a shooting incident and the sheriff is on administrative leave while the aciton of the movie is going down. It’s not a major part of the movie, but it is a significant part of the backdrop.

But, yeah, ha ha, we saw The Woods You Can’t Run Forever. Did you notice in the scenes that are supposedly deep in the woods – “Remote, huh?” – you can clearly see the road about 20 yards behind the actress?

Much appreciated, and I mean that sincerely. The trailer already gave the vibe it wasn’t going to be stellar, but your review cemented it.

I guess the name change leaves the question, Can you indeed run forever if it’s IN the woods?

Well, it was certainly a fresher take on it then having the aging sheriff on the eve of his retirement going into one last ride on a manhunt for a serial killer. But, it was also very jarring, since the movie essentially had old man Simmons and this bunch of random 20-something cutouts, aside from the murder victims and the scenes with the pregnant wife.

Sad thing, too, is that Simmons’ character isn’t some sort of survivalist, past military, special forces, law enforcement, or even a clever hunter. He’s just a business guy/teacher who snapped. It hints at some past business dealings that may have went awry, but didn’t deal with them at all.

This is no Falling Down. There’s a movie that piled on the pressure and you really felt for Douglas’ character even as he did ‘bad things’ after he snapped. Simmons’ character has no such redemption. Shifted into pure misogyny. Bah.

As for the cast, consider that this was shot in Montana and they’re probably all local hires, giving it a sort of “community theater” feel. In fact, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find out Simmons and his family have property up there or something. The whole thing has the feel of “enh, let’s find something to do while we’re up here this summer”.