Disney's Jungle Cruise - The Rock Continues His Ascent

Movies
21

So? I’m still gonna see that shit in the theater.

22

Never watching trailers pays off once again! Woohoo!

23

I find it hard to accept The Rock in an old-timey role. Ancient shirtless warrior, fine. Modern bodybuilder type, sure. In-between, I’m not convinced humans have been shaped like him.

24

I get something of a Mummy Fraser/Weisz vibe from The Rock and Emily Blunt here (good thing.)

25

Anyone else watch this?
The first half is amusing and basically entertaining coasting on Blunt & Rocks charms, but once the CGI kicks in and it turns into Pirates of the Amazon: Dead Conquistadors tell their tales you might as well switch off.

Don’t bother.

26

I would have thought they would have went with Thunder Mountain Railroad over Jungle Cruise.

27

Enjoyable for the kids though?

28

I can’t wait for the Butlerian Jihad to give us back our 7th Art!

29

Well, everything is pretty cartoony & no blood. I guess it depends on the age? The antagonists are rather scary partially disintegrated human / monster hybrids (very much in the same vein as the skeletons / sea monsters in the Pirates movies), so that might be a bit freaky for young children.

(btw thats not really much of a spoiler if you’ve seen the trailers…)

30

Thought the movie was charming at first but got less and less so as the cgi wore on. Also I’m not sure The Rock was the right male lead nor was an American accent the logical accent. I’m not sure what I was expecting quality wise, but this is a far step down from the first Pirates movie.

31

Variety considers how to judge a movie’s success in the COVID era.

As with any question asked in a headline, the answer is no.

-Tom

32

Unfortunately, yes. It was just exhausting non-stop low stakes action sequences mixed with really shoddy attempts at humor.

Definitely not. I love me some Rock, but this might have been the worst he has ever been miscast. He just had zero credibility as the sneaky, loveable rogue. Maybe somebody like Tom Hiddleston or Tom Hardy?

33

Or Tom Holland even.

34

Tom Chick, anyone?

35

I would make a terrible male lead in the Jungle Cruise movie. I would be too tongue-tied in the presence of Emily Blunt to establish any sense of chemistry. Also, I don’t think I could pull off that sailor hat he wears. That’s where you can see The Rock really committing to the role. Dude just owns that awful little hat.

-Tom

36

And even if he didn’t, would you say that to his face?

I, for one, would not.

37

Yeah you would! One of the things I love about Dwayne Johnson is that he doesn’t take himself any more seriously than I do:

-Tom

“I even prepared a monologue from Bring It On.”

38

Now that is commitment!

39

More sequels incoming!

40

I got bored after about half an hour or so and wandered off to start drinking, but my nieces and nephews loved it.