I hear these ads on the radio that really piss me off for “Texas Superfood” that say stupid things like “throw away your chemistry-set vitamins” and “prescription drugs treat symptoms but don’t prevent disease” (might be slightly off in wording, but you get the idea).
My 70 year old parents have taken to wearing magic beads, in the form of some kind of amber. They are supposed to prevent pain (also sold to dumb parents to prevent pain of kids teething, presumably just by wearing and not by chewing on, since they are fucking rocks on a string and are an obvious choking hazard).
They supposedly work because they contain succinic acid.
Here’s the deal:
- Succinic acid is not a pain reliever or anti-inflammatory. It’s been studied. There is absolutely no evidence that it actually does this.
- Let’s ignore point one, and just PRETEND that it does… we can look at the content on amber, which is something like 3% acid by weight. That ain’t much. You’re wearing a set of beads that weighs maybe 20g, so the mass of acid is, what, 600mg? If you take two extra strength advil, that’s 800mg of Ibuprofen.
So, even if you literally ate the entire amber bracelet, and your body completely digested it, you’d be getting a dosage of the magic acid that’s less than the active drug in two advil.
But of course, you just WEAR it. So you’re maximally exposed to whatever amount is on the surface of the beads, which happen to be touching your skin, and somehow leaches out and is absorbed by you. This would be, of course, trivial. And such a thing could be tested pretty easily, by observing that the mass of the bracelet doesn’t change. The amber that was there yesterday is still all there.
Which means that over a period of say, 4 hours, you would be absorbing, what, like maybe one picogram? Like, maybe literally ONE MOLECULE of the acid? Which would make it the most powerful drug in the entire world, by orders of magnitude. And yet somehow, when clinically studied, there was zero evidence of effectiveness.
It’s like homeopathic medicine.
“How do you know this doesn’t work?”
“Because there are literally zero molecules of the active compound in that bottle.”
My dad was a fucking chemist. He used to know science.
On some level, I’m like, “Whatever. The brain is a drug factory, and the placebo effect is incredibly strong. It can actually do stuff.” If magic beads make them feel better, whatever.
But part of me is like, “Fuck that noise. Magic beads are stupid. Stop being stupid.”
This is the most amazing thing. What does he say is his reasoning, if any?
I’m going to go with “Pain is a helluva motivator.”
My father has taken to wearing a copper bracelet. It’s similar to @Timex’s amber bead bracelet in that it’s marketed primarily to the aged, infirm, and athletes for muscle pain. When my father showed it to me, I asked him if it worked. He sheepishly said, “I don’t know. It’s probably bullshit, but for $20, why not try it, right?” I think my facial expression must’ve slipped because he then continued. “It’s like those copper sleeves all the NFL guys wear. Those work for them, so maybe this will do something for me?”
I could’ve pointed out that the copper compression sleeves work because of the compression and not necessarily the copper, but I shrugged it off because fuck it, he’s in his 70’s now, so I’m not going to get into an argument over a hoodoo bracelet.
That it works.
Ultimately, it’s a placebo. So on that level, it’s cool. If it works, great.
What’s bad, is that some dickface made money on it.
Jeebus, are we going to be like that when we get old(er)?
-Tom
This is why it’s important to have old friends. They can call you a dumbass when you do dumbass things. You know what I am working on a wedding toast maybe I can work this line in somehow.
Not me. I plan on medicating with alcohol and fatty foods. The odds of me getting that old aren’t very good. So I’ll be lucky. :)
Edit: On a slightly more serious note, I don’t seem to be very good at placebos. I believe it comes from my drug use in the past. A lot of drug abuse as well. As a user you get very good telling the real stuff from crap. As well I have a higher tolerance to some pain medication. When I’m recovering from general anesthesia it’s pretty fast. To the point that I have awakened with intubation in my trachea, but turned off just prior to removal. It is not a fun experience.
My wife is involved in Essential Oils. Thankful, she knows better then to make any medical claims, but a lot of friends and family buy from her because if the perceived beneficial value, such as lavender oils for skin conditions, cedarwood to help with sleep and other properties.
One of the perks is that my wife makes her own cleaning liquid, and detergent. It means fewer name brand detergents which seems to cause rashes on our 8 month old and less bleach and products like that in the house.
Since all the oils can be digested without harmful consequences, it’s a feels safer to spray the cleaner all over the house, even when the baby is around, and it seems to be just as effective as other cleaners we have used in the past. In addition l, cleaning with index and other sprays always made her feel a bit sick, and that doesn’t seem to be the case when she uses ‘thieves cleaner’.
Finally, she claims that it is saving us money, but I haven’t bothered verifying that.
Anyway, I certainly have my doubts for health benefits, but I do see the benefits of replacing the name brand detergents and spray cleaners.
And they smell nice.
Using oils for that kind of thing is fine.
I’m so sorry.
Why? Do you have a stake in this I’m not aware of?
I wish the cedarwood oil in my shampoo bars did anything like what the vendor doesn’t-quite-claim it would to my dandruff because it smells so nice I almost don’t mind the occasional errant flakes that make it through my actual-medicine-containing anti dandruff conditioner.
One time I teased my mother in law because she believes in medicinal magnets. It’s a bunch of expensive magnets and wraps to keep them close to your body, where you have pain points. I made some lame jokes. Something about degaussing. Something else about hemorrhoids. Then her partner, an 80 year old dude, goes to me. “Hey, she believes in that stuff.”
And then I felt like shit.
Another time when I lived in NYC, I would do volunteer work at a phone center for alcoholics. One of the others volunteering was this totally hot actress from daytime TV. I forget how the conversation started but I made a joke about the Psychic Hotline Network, thinking all us educated New Yorkers would have a good laugh.
But no. Turns out Miss hotty-totty soap star attributed all her success to tv psychics.
Plus a good bit of my family of origin is deep into fundamentalism. So I just don’t fuck around anymore.
Anyone can believe anything they want.
I have died on this hill too many times. :)
Did you realize that mankind traded in Amber for thousands of years before Big Science decided that we should ignore it? Why is that? That science can’t explain Amber’s amazing (magical?) electrical properties? Did you know that Celebrities like Michael Jordan and Kim Kardashian wear Amber? That every day Science is discovering the Wisdom of the past?
Let go of your inner critic and beware the evil eye! I sense your chakra has become polluted. I’m going to send you some Tiger’s Eye absolutely free; it’s warding effects are well known. Thereafter your subscription to My Crystal of The Week will contain powerful crystalline and mineralogical medicine to combat psilo-baryonic illnesses of all kinds. This month our popular kale-wrapped moonstones are flying off the shelves straight to your front door!
Yeah, I’m sure about the bullshit around magical stones or what not, but again, I’m in favor of getting away from companies like Johnson and Johnson.
Ultimately, cleaning takes place through a little bit of chemical interaction, and mainly physical agitation (i.e. scrubbing and elbow grease). Stronger chemicals shift the balance toward less elbow grease.
Using essential oils and crap for cleaning is fine. It basically means you’ll have to work harder, but whatever. And they smell nice, which is good.
There’s no obvious harm in what your wife does. Nice smelling things make us feel good.
If she crossed into what the snake oil salesman was saying, about how they cure cancer and shit, then I’d be a lot harder on her.
No Argument there. Its no replacement for medicine.