Probably! If I wanted to be all academic about it.
Bill Dungsroman surveys the scene of the crime, where Kitsune’s body decays in the tropical heat.
“Looks like this is one Kitsune . . . puts on sunglasses . . . that got out-foxed.” YEEEAAAAHHHH!!! cue Miami skyline transition
And I thought Kitsune had been gone for years, since he’d been outed.
Posting in a legendary thread.
This thread delivers…so far…
Who is teh Kitsune? He’s one of us!
This picture has never been more appropriate:
That was pretty good.
But will there be any spin-offs.
WE’VE TRACED THE POST…IT’S COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!
For his next trick, Bill will tell us that he is really Theodore DX Rex.
Troy
I’m on the edge of my chair!
Don’t fall off! That’s what happened to Kitsune. He’s in jpinard’s wall.
Kitsune as an alt would make his inexplicable hatred of me make a great deal more sense. Who are the suspects?
I miss skimming Kitsune’s posts. Hopefully he rises from the dead and types legibly between is his snacks of human brains.
[CENTER]KITSUNE IS JOHN MANY JARS
[/CENTER]
Alright my friends, the time has come. You’ll pardon the delay, for these matters of great weight take time and effort to unburden. But after compiling startlingly compelling evidence, I now feel comfortable with my findings:
KITSUNE WAS JOHN MANY JARS, AND JOHN MANY JARS WAS KITSUNE.
It is my belief JMJ and Kitsune are/were two halves of the same mind, an internet-based Multiple Personality Disorder, if you will. I am not entirely certain it was a deliberate deception on his part, but it could have been.
Observe the facts and see if you don’t believe me:
[CENTER]The History[/CENTER]
They joined qt3 merely two months apart. Kitsune came from GAF under a maelstrom of accusation of him not living in Japan, nor even being Japanese for that matter. He began posting shortly after joining, with little fanfare. John Many Jars also posted with little ceremony. However, his appearances on the internet prior to qt3 – which admittedly may or may not be him, given the obscure-but-not-too-obscure pop culture reference that is his handle – are spotty and difficult to pin down as truly him. However, I did find one that by my estimate would seem to be him Interestingly enough, the date of that blog post is the same date as his first qt3 post. I bring this up because he barely seems to exist on the internet prior to his appearance on qt3. There’s someone who is possibly him posting lasciviously and with Jars’ trademark obtuse humor about some chick who masturbates with the Rez vibrator stick. Aw yeah! But I digress. A curious post is this one, where a person who goes by John Many Jars is registered at SETI, but he’s based out of Berkeley. Our JMJ said he lived back east. But maybe he said that because, as Backov proved, Kitsune lives in California. Maybe Jars was claiming to be on the other coast to throw off any curious Looky-Loos?
Incidentally, to put a final nail in that coffin, here’s an old post where Kitsune has noun ship a used computer game to Oregon because “it’s cheaper to ship it to Japan from there.” Mm-hmm.
The term “kitsune” means “fox” in Japanese, but it has a mythological reference, as well. Mythologically, kitsune were known as ghostly, supernatural beings. Now, the interesting part about the myth is that there are two kinds of kitsune, the Myobu and the Nogitsune. Nogitsune are the more common type known to those who know anything about the mythology, as they are the mischievous, even malicious, tricksters, whereas the Myobu are more benevolent and amicable. Hmm, sound like any two former qt3 posters we know? And do you know what kitsune often do? They possess people.
OK, enough of that boring preliminary shit. Now we start to assemble the Voltron of Lies. And I’ll form…the head!
[CENTER]The Posts[/CENTER]
I have in my possession six points of fact about the posting habits of John Many Jars and Kitsune that will blow your mind. To wit:
They both joined merely two months apart, as I mentioned. It is my belief John Many Jars is the slightly more normal, legit side of his fractured brain, whereas Kitsune is his more delusional, more internet-intensive alter ego. Perhaps John existed first, then Kitsune was born via an internet womb into split consciousness, then John resurfaced online as the personalities diverged. Why do I believe this?
They rarely post on the same day. And if they do, they rarely post more than just once, whereas the other posted many times. I myself did not observe one instance where the other posted more than twice, and even then only a pitiful handful of times did I see the other post twice. Now I mentioned the mythology of the kitsune before. One of their biggest days for mischief was on New Year’s Day. Last January 1st, Kitsune posted 10 times. John Many Jars did not post at all. At best, it’s a precaution to avoid posting under the alter ego. At worst, a mental shift to the other identity for the day. Also, whereas John stopped posting at an even 2,000 posts (more on that later), Kitsune himself only numbered 2,301. Also, they both posted roughly 1.5 times a day (1.38 for Jars, exactly 1.5 for Kitsune). They also both started roughly 200 new threads (199 for Jars, 206 for Kitsune). It’s no happy coincidence. It just cannot be. And why?
They only ever posted in the same thread twice. The first was in an old Torment thread. Do you see just how old? That’s right: shortly after they both joined. You can see how demur and normal Jars appears, and I must draw specific attention to the first sentence of Kitsune’s post:
Indeed? You’ll note he also claims to have never heard of the Quake games. He admits to at least having visited the US, yet he also claims he’s never heard of Quake? Sounds pretty forced to me. Also, interesting he posts with Jars in the Torment thread, a game about forgotten identity. He’s heard of, and played, Torment, but Quake barely rings a bell? Hmm. The second and last time they post in the same thread is here. Check it, it’s less than a week before his disappearance. Only twice, once shortly after joining qt3, once shortly before leaving. Additionally, at the end, John Many Jars almost never posted in Games, whereas Kitsune almost always did. Another mere coincidence? How many does that make so far?
Kitsune left with a whimper, but John Many Jars left with a bang. Remember? He departed on 4/19/07. Kitsune’s last post was on 3/16/07. That is only one day over exactly 5 weeks and Jars chose to end at exactly 2,000 posts. The reasons are only barely within my grasp, and the oddity of his departure confounds me to this day. He used to hang out in IRC, you know? He wasn’t very normal there, either, and he never stopped by to say goodbye. On Kitsune’s last day of posting, he posts 13 times, which is the most he’d ever posted in one day, at least within the last few months leading up to his disappearance. John Many Jars? He didn’t post once. I bring up Kitsune’s final post count: 2,301. 0-1-2-3. I’d guess it’s another coincidence. Right?
Kitsune only left once before. September 5th to January 6th. Curse you Woo, you sort of stole my thunder on this one. Nobody was supposed to figure that out yet. But it makes no matter, because here comes the Whammy, the coup de grace, the Money Shot, the Phi Slamma Jamma: JOHN MANY JARS DISAPPEARED FOR THE EXACT SAME PERIOD OF TIME. Look it up, you’ll see. It’s there. Or not there, as the case may be.
One last thing regarding posting. Jars left abruptly, with a self-composed goodbye thread. He said he was saying farewell to the internet. Well, guess what? I have reason to believe he lied. A one John Many Jars posts to a martial arts thread elsewhere. His join date? 4/17/06. That’s right, two days before he leaves qt3 forever. Why would he do that? Why leave us to post elsewhere? I don’t know. To undergo martial arts training as a means of ordering his splintered mind? Perhaps.
[CENTER]The Incredible Postscript[/CENTER]
Some final amazing facts present themselves to me. I do not even know how to order them by importance, for they are all stunning in their lucidity.
Read John Many Jars’ Profile. In it, you shall find the following whimsical, yet cryptic, poem (actually, they’re lyrics to a Wanda Jackson song, ”Fujiyama Mama”):
Fujiyama. That would be better known as Mt. Fuji. And do you know where, according to Japanese mythology, most to all kitsune were believed to live and come from? That’s right gang: Mt. Fuji. Get some.
If you really want to know Kitsune’s real name, ask noun. He knows, Kitsune had him send him a game. Come on, we all know it’s him and not like what, The Oregon Warbler or someone. You were this close, noun. All this time, you knew. How does that make you feel? I suppose it could be another fake, though.
If you want to know what Kitsune claimed was his real name, check qt3. Blammo. What’s so weird about it is, he outright admits the name is as common as…John Doe. John, huh? So common it can’t even be researched properly. Hell, anybody could call themselves that name.
Kitsune isn’t really dead Okay, duh. He lives on…elsewhere. I’ve tracked him down, but I’ve no desire to divulge the information of his whereabouts. Any amateur internet detective worth his salt can find him. Odd that he has gone, though. Isn’t it?
Onos, 10K limit. Part two is going to kill you all.
EDIT: shit.
Well, here’s
a peculiar myspace page that got nerfed today. I googled “Fujiyama Mama, John Many Jars, Kitsune, and qt3” Look at the date. Today. What was on it? I dunno, maybe I made somebody nervous. HEH SORRY TOM.