First, Jeff, I’m really sorry this happened to you. I hope your marriage can be saved. I know you deal with chronic illness, and this must be especially difficult, given the background noise of your health.
The one thing I want to say both to you and to people here succumbing to their baser instincts and mouthing off about your wife’s character, is that marriages are complicated, and that becomes even more so when the couple is dealing with a chronic illness like the one Jeff has. Nothing is going to be helped by reducing this situation into black-and-white morality.
The truth is, there’s no simple answer here. My advice? Give her space. Don’t sign anything, and get a good lawyer. Go to therapy, immediately. And let us know if you need actionable help finding caregiving resources during this period of transition.
I don’t mean to impugn anyone’s character, for the record. I just mean it’s not ok to unilaterally take the only means of transport without discussing it.
Sorry, just to be clear, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about people who were commenting on other things Jeff said, re: fidelity. Which is something that happens in a lot of relationships, and totally sucks to deal with, but doesn’t actually say much about someone’s character, especially in a situation like Jeff’s where cystic fibrosis is part of the equation.
My understanding is that Jeff’s wife is his primary caregiver. That’s a very high-pressure position for anyone to be in. Caregiver fatigue is a very real thing, and caregivers often struggle with their mental health. We also don’t know what advice she’s getting from family and friends.
Which doesn’t excuse anything she’s done. All it means is: this is a more complicated situation than most people deal with in their marriages, and we’re not doing Jeff a service pressuring him to harden his heart to her. Instead, we should advice him to leave the door open for a reconciliation, but to protect himself both legal and medically, while planning for a future where she might not be in the picture.
One last thing: Jeff, you will be able to find a lawyer. Given your circumstances, I imagine many would be willing to work pro bono, and that local patient advocacy groups could help connect you. Do NOT sign anything just because you imagine you can’t afford a lawyer.
We should start a divorced support gaming group or something.
I came home a year ago and found my wife’s secret Facebook account open on the computer. It’s been a rough go since. On the bright side, it’s a year on now and I’m living it up on Tinder, so you have that to look forward to!
Sorry you’re going though this dude. It’s devastating. You will survive this, though. And be stronger on the other side of it.
I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through. Life can be cruel at times and can test the best of hearts. People here have already given some great advice.
I have family in GR, but haven’t been there since my dad passed away there in a hospital 3 years ago. I live in Midland. I am a bit away, but let me know if I can be of help. I am definitely there as a friend to talk to if you need one. I will send you my phone number if you want to text via PM… Just let me know it is you first!
Hang in there, read DrCrypt’s advice as it seems sound. You’re emotional tonight, don’t sign anything till you have a lawyer and are clear of mind (which will come), in the meantime, find some way to spend time with your parent and loved ones.
Please setup a gofundme as well. Some of us are doing better and want to help.
I don’t really know anything about your situation, but I have a bunch of friends (and one brother) who got divorced, and although it was a rough process, they were all much happier when it was over.
Jeff - What a crushing day you’ve had with all this. I can’t offer much advice other than to be yourself because you’re one of the most gracious and kindest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with online and your temerity in times past has put so many things in a much better perspective for me.
I do think you need to talk with someone in person about this and hopefully you have family that you can trust. So much good advice in this thread and if the past is any indication, your strength & willpower will show your through this.
That’s f’d up, man.
Quitting on someone in that situation - not that there’s ever a “right” time, but there certainly would have been a “less wrong” time.
I’m sorry to hear this Jeff. I really don’t know what to offer, other than if you get a disability check you may want to make sure going forward it’s not deposited in a joint account. You need to look out for yourself now.
