I swear to god I didn’t make up any of these names they’re pulled right out of the legends screen. Neither names nor genders have been changed and yes I am aware I cannot write.
Unknown - 101
We have been forced to abandon our beloved homeland of The Virginal Pick of the Livid Sack following our unsuccessful defence during the Steamy Siege. Unfortunately the only women we were able to save from the depraved hands of the goblins were Rimbo and Dirt. Their numbers may be limited but Rimbo and Dirt will bear the weight of rebuilding our civilization.
Great success! We have found a location to settle, though frozen it is rich with vegetation and to the north the mountains reign. We shall call our new home “Quakebells the Quandary of the Queens” in remembrance of the final earth shattering moments when the beloved marriage bells crashed through the roof and destroyed our beloved City of the Livid Sack, and of course the… difficulties Rimbo and Dirt shall soon endure.
We have attempted to harvest the horns from the mythical unicorns renowned their properties as aphrodisiacs so that we may be able to begin repopulating but the task has proven itself more difficult than we had originally hoped.
We are not alone! As I write this Rimbo and Dirt kneel praising the mountain for a band of refugees has come wandering through asking to trade for food for the road. They were offered a place of honor in our hall if they stayed but after their women saw the look in Extarbags eyes quickly refused and retreated, the strawberries we had intended to offer left sullied on the ground.
The cold is unbearable, water freezes! Did you know that? We shall see what we can do about the situation as the booze is running low.
I think we may have chanced upon the answer to the hellish cold that froze our booze supply. Almost exactly after the death of NoWayJose the ice melted freeing our booze stockpile , as sad as it is it say if the cold comes again someone else may need to die to free our booze.
Those dam cannibal tree huggers have arrived. They claim they want to trade for our turtles but Chick has decided that as a matter of self defense we have no alternative but to collapse the roof of the depo on them, crushing their valuables as well as their disgusting faces.
I’m gonna take a break here and eat, so enjoy.