I’ve been having increasing problems over the past 4 months. Most likely due to the surgical resection of the spinal cord tumor from my lower neck. Sometimes I’ll wake up and my heart has weird flutterings which traces up to my head and makes me dizzy. This is always coupled with the right side of my torso being numb along with much of my right leg.
Today was different however. During pulmonary rehab my right leg buckled a dozen times and I needed help to my car. I’ve had weakness before but not quite that much. Easily dealt with. Just be more careful walking. But while driving to my next appointment that leg simply stopped working as I tried to pull into a parking lot. My brain was telling my leg to move to the brake and press it, but instead… it kept light pressure on the accelerator. Because I never expected this kind of thing, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting a response. You know when a key on your keyboard stops working and you just keep pounding it saying, “work darn it!”. That’s what I did. Just kept sending commands to my leg, and kept getting no reaction. You’d think after the first cognitive attempt one would try something else, but instead, I was just mired in incredible confusion why nothing was happening. At this point I was headed towards a concrete barrier and all I could think of was how I was going to wreck my wonderful Prius. And since I still couldn’t get my leg to move, for the briefest moment, I almost gave up trying - thinking a crash was inevitable. But then it suddenly dawned on me, “that leg isn’t working, you have another one”, and I say this without exaggeration, I screeched to a halt within an inch of the barricade. I sat there in bewilderment for several minutes. Dragged myself to the front of my car and couldn’t believe there wasn’t a scratch. I’m home now and my leg half-way works, and I will have to go back to the neurosurgery to see what’s going on (120 miles away).
I still can’t get over the fact my leg just stopped working, though in hindsight with the increasing issues I’ve been having I shouldn’t be that surprised? You just never expect it. But the strangeness here is instead of feeling like a human with a critical issue, I felt more like I was doing tech support on a motherboard that failed, and attempted to troubleshoot it as such along with the same frustrations of, “why isn’t this stupid thing working?!”.