Agreed on the writing and believe this is a concern that should be closely monitored. I was socially awkward for quite a while, but this seems a couple of numbers up the dial.
Ah, Qt3, you never fail.
Here Angie is having nightmares-by-proxy, Bill’s asking what he should do, the consensus vacillate between awkward and psycho, i say he should handle it for her, and suddenly i’m a sexist pig for suggesting it! Lol.
I think your wife/girlfriend will appreciate your progressive views next time at a bar she’s being accosted by some drunk guy and you passively step back and let her handle it.
If Bill’s girlfriend wants him to step up, she can ask him to. Don’t assume all women need to be rescued.
He should rescue her and she should like it.
Bar analogy = fail.
Yeah, my first thought was “That’s some pretty neat handwriting for a dude.” My second thought was, “That wasn’t written by a dude.”
I…yeah…Enidigm, just no.
The cards are straight out of creepsville, sure, but my guess is that dude is lonely/broken and simply hasn’t learned how to approach women. Confronting the guy (however well intentioned) is kind of a dick move.
I’m not assuming that she’s not asking him, because can’t read into their unknown conversations any more than what he posted. If she’s handing him these with expressions of worried concern instead of laughing it off, she might be waiting for him to step up and handle it for her.
I certainly know from experience that sometimes women in relationships are not always willing to directly ask what they want, for a myriad number of reasons; especially if/and/or it concerns “being manly” or the perception of such by women. I’ve found it’s better to err on the side of doing the “manly” thing and apologize later were your intervention unwanted, than to do otherwise. I mean obviously you have to not just charge forward on your steed everytime she’s crossing the street, use some common sense, but this is a situation that may involve a distant threat of violence.
Casual chauvinism? Check
Playing the victim? Check.
You are progressing nicely.
I guess i’m old fashioned about thinking men should get involved if there is a threat of violence to their wives/girlfriends. I figured that was one of those things that men “do” being, after all, much stronger/larger than their women (or at least most of the time). I had no idea there would be so much resistance to the very concept.
Is it ok if i ask to help get something from the top shelves next time?
Or - this is just an idea - if he thinks she’s reticent to ask for his help, he can ask her whether she wants his help rather than just charging ahead like a white knight.
If she and Bill were married, I would agree that he has a familial obligation to make sure possibly dangerous guys aren’t looking to cause trouble. But Bill is “dating this girl,” who is 32 years old. No such obligation has attached.
See, here’s where I think you’re stuck. In an enlightened society, there’s no need for “things men do” versus “things women do”. If you think so, then that’s a form of passive chauvinism. The same expectations of behavior should apply across all genders.
That was my thought, too. He has the handwriting of a Catholic schoolgirl. Be afraid.
Also, Bill: I think he might be after you’re girl.
That took a weird turn.
Why are people surprised? Enidigm’s the guy who said his ideal MMORPG would give male characters bonuses to str, con, dex, int and wis and all female characters would be pregnant and unable to wear armor on their feet.*
*I may be mischaracterizing Enidigm’s statements, but only a little.
Man, I only even came into this thread to make a joke about kerzain** and Enidigm had to go and be all Enidigmy.
**I couldn’t decide between asking him if Parker ever scored with Miss Musso or how he got out of getting fired by Weaver when he accidentally blew up the ER with a rocket launcher.
Their is chauvinism, and there is reality. Women shouldn’t have to need men to protect them from violence, and if they do it’s a failure of society. OTOH, women are probably much happier with a big strong guy next to them if they’re travelling through a seedy part of town late at night.
Saying, “honey, i’ll do the bills” condescendingly is chauvinism.
Saying, “honey, i’ll get that vase on the top shelf” is reality (because the man is usually taller, it’s easier for him to just reach up and grab it than for her to get a ladder, ect).
Also, there’s the point made previously that only a rejection from her is really going to set this guy straight (assuming he isn’t a psycho) - a “hey buddy, back off” from Bill isn’t going to have the same effect.
Ouch.
Well i don’t think there is a concrete answer yes or no, it just depends upon the situation, their relationship, and her personality. I can certainly see where it would be seen as unwanted; but, i can see certain kinds of women who would prefer he be proactive as well. I can’t tell those cues from a forum post.
The presence of a single rare behavior (extreme social awkwardness) does not imply the presence of another rare behavior (interpersonal violence). Step away from the gritty cop dramas.
I agree with most other posters; she should tell him clearly and unambiguously that she’s seeing someone now and isn’t interested in a relationship with him. I don’t think Bill should do it for her, because 1) if the guard is smitten, he’s likely to think he still has a shot & Bill is a controlling idiot, and b) she’s an adult and it’s her responsibility, not Bill’s. Continue to monitor the situation, but there’s a number of steps between “painfully shy person with immature pickup routines” and “creepy obsessional stalker with body parts in his freezer.”
… that was a thread about women seeming to prefer male leads in their games/movies instead of female leads. But i’m impressed you remember!