I’m completely ignorant of how Instagram works, but wouldn’t they possibly have backups of that data that they could review?
There is always some kind of paper/digital trail (at least for a short time). It comes down to if someone at said companies wants to make the effort. Plus, all they need to do is look at his phone and computer. I’m sure there’s tons of evidence sitting there.
edited for clarity
Jesus, that’s a horrible story. I’ve sometimes felt overprotective when I tell my 11 y/o “NO social media!” and actively monitor all of her cell phone (she uses a TracPhone that I maintain possession of and give to her when occasion warrants) and computer usage. I don’t even let my kids do any online gaming with randos. Good to know it’s not paranoia. I tend to think that stories about predators lurking everywhere are wildly overblown, but that’s only in real life. On the internet, anonymity and virtual proximity give creeps and criminals a much greater reach and pervasiveness than they’d otherwise have. I need to have a serious talk with my kids about the potential dangers of online interactions, and make sure they know that if they get into trouble online, I’ve got their back and they should come to me.
Sounds like you’re doing the right things Tortilla. All the best for you and your family.
Thanks, appreciate the kind words. The account seems to have disappeared off Instagram so I suspect Instagram issued a ban or similar in response to our report. The local PD came and took a report but didn’t sound enthusiastic that they could actually do anything.
This is a great point. As is your point about monitoring. It’s really hard though. I have a kid who is 13 and it’s hard to give him his space and maintain that monitoring as well. It involves walking a fine line, but basically it amounts to, “We’re allowed to check your phone/e-mail accounts whenever and that’s that.” That’s the agreement. It doesn’t mean I check every text he sends to his girlfriend, but it does mean that he knows we will check at any time. It also means that because I don’t read every one of his texts, when something weird happens, like somebody sending him something inappropriate, he tends to be forward about it. And when we say, “You can’t have contact with that person anymore,” (because that person’s parents don’t monitor them at all), he listens.
Luckily he doesn’t really care that much for social media, other than texting with his friends, and he’s not into online gaming as he wants to be in the room with the people (family, friends) while he’s playing. So we’re lucky there, so far. So far, says Christien taking a deep breath.
Recently he got issued a laptop by his new school. We had to read step-by-step through a multi-page contract which we both had to digitally sign before he could get the laptop, which he will have for the next four years. Part of that involved a discussion of his digital footprint. This was right after James Gunn had been fired, which he didn’t yet know about. As a huge fan of Guardians of the Galaxy, it was a pretty instructive moment when I let him know that the man had been fired for ten-year old tweets. “Everything you put on the Internet is forever.” He’s heard that before, but this was sobering for him.
He’s made mistakes online, I’m sure, as we all have. But it’s important to have open discussion about it and keep up-to-date with monitoring, which feels weird, but is necessary. I am a private person in a lot of ways, which may sound weird to people who hear me share stories on our show, but is actually true. I tended to think of checking his texts as somebody reading the letters or notes I might send to a girl I liked in high school, or reading a journal I was keeping. Both of which I would think of as violations. There is a huge difference because of the I/O gap, of course, but it’s still hard to walk that line.
Agreed. I think it speaks volumes that she felt she could change her mind and bring this to your attention. A lot of times kids don’t feel they can do this. This is why when I do something wrong as a parent, overreact or whatever, I apologize to my kid. I think it makes him feel like it’s okay to admit mistakes. As crappy as this situation is, @Tortilla, the fact that she felt she could come to you even having done the things you told her not to do, reflects well on you as parents.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good on you for being there for her. You’ve just ensured she will continue to come to you in the future if anything goes south.
-xtien
So much this, @Tortilla.
It sounds like you’ve got a great relationship with your daughter. She’s doubtlessly learned a valuable lesson here. Maybe the right thing to do going forward is to not dwell on this (as it sounds like prosecution of the perpetrator is likely not going to happen, unfortunately), and focus more on keeping that relationship you have flourishing. You’ve obviously got a great kid. She’s learned. Move forward.
I hope the perpetrator in question did not manage to actually get her real name or address? Because if he did, further precautions may be called for. No idea what those precautions would be, but I’d be checking into it.
Stories like yours are one of the many reasons I never had children. Fear of situations like this simply terrify me. Moreso now than ever before, what with instant anonymous communication being so easy. It’s a scary world, even for myself. I cannot imagine the fear I would feel for a child of my own. Hell, I don’t even really know you, and my heart jumped when I read your post. Thanks for putting it out there, and my best wishes for your family.
tl;dr Focus on making your daughter’s life a happy one, and overpower the trauma she feels now with happiness and love.
Isn’t this something the FBI would want to know about. I know they pursue online child porography distributors.
Yes, absolutely.
How horrific.
I expect the local authorities to be able to do very little about this sort of thing. I’d hope someone like the FBI would care and could do more.
Yeah, I was under the impression that they have entire teams of people working on this sort of thing.
The problem may be that it is so prevalent, that they’re primarily focusing on the big operations.
And yet, even here locally, I’m still reading about guys like this being sent to prison for long stretches for infractions similar to the one Tortilla described. The ones I read about typically also have absolutely massive photographic and video collections, so maybe that’s another thing that gets them put away.
That’s why it seems so odd that Tortilla’s local authorities seem so disinterested in even making an effort, or even passing it along to a bigger agency that specializes in this stuff.
Our local area picked up 27 offenders recently, but I am under the impression these were individuals who were already identified and doing things they were not supposed to be doing like, not registering, living too close to schools or in homes with children, that sort of thing.
This is going to sound very old manish, but I wish we had a law, or something in place, that wouldn’t let kids have their own phone until they are 14 or something.
I don’t think it’s a good thing besides being able to talk to parents for kids to have these phones. Be kids. Don’t be that age and stare at a phone so much, and brood over texts you get, etc. They’ll get to that soon enough.
Sorry for the old man routine.
And this isn’t meant as a criticism. I know the kids push for these things younger and younger. I know it’s hard to not let them have them when they say all their friends have them.
I think the answer is to make smart phones unfashionable.
Make something better for them seem more hip.
[Is ‘hip’ an old man word?]
Wife and I hit a local public park for a walk earlier today and there were a few ladies at the park’s entrance with a metal rack displaying Christian literature. This was around 1pm, so I imagine church had let out so they decided to do a little proselytizing on public grounds. What annoyed me was the fact several park employees were standing about 30 feet away, so they had to be aware this had been going on (perhaps even giving permissions for it). I told my wife the situation really made me want to buy a similar rack and lay hands on Islamic literature so as to afford my fellow SW Ohio’s denizens and their Christian conservative views the opportunity to put on full display their deep and abiding understanding of and support for religious freedom.
The really funny part? As we were leaving, one of the park employees was playing a flute while the other held a snake in front of him a mere 30 feet from the two ladies.
If someone tries to give you a bible, take it. Sign it and give it back. Say, always nice to meet a fan.
So I rented a mini excavator:
And built a wall:
And built a road
And cut in an area to store our trashcans (which still need concrete blocks, that will come later)
I can remember the first time almost 20 years ago when I rented my first excavator. It took about an hour to get the hang of the controls, but ever since then it is like riding a bike. It’s the ultimate borg experience, where you are controlling this massive machine by moving your arms and wrists. Really cool.
Cooool!
When I was a kid, my dad rented a Bobcat (mini-dozer rather than excavator) and to my young mind it was the coolest thing ever. Thanks for posting that little adventure @Tman, brought me right back to those days!
Happy first day to me! Successfully escaped the nepotistic hell of the startup and have joined the large red retailer that employs half the town.
Holy cats there’s a lot of onboarding to deal with, and I totally underestimated my lack of excitement at learning a new toolchain. But still, exciting!
And, y know, basically the exact job I wanted to land at this point in my career.