So after far too long telling myself I should be dating the ladies of the internet but not ever actually pursuing it, I’ve taken the first few steps. Created an OKCupid profile, answered a bunch of the match questions, and had my female cousins assist me in sending out some messages. Sent 6 messages and have gotten 2 replies. I will chalk it up as a first minor victory.
Now, what is the best way to turn a positive response into a real life date? I imagine there needs to be an undetermined amount of back and forth banter before the time is right to move to the next step. Is there any good rule of thumb for this, or do I just need to let things unfold naturally and play it by ear? I’d hate to miss out on opportunities just because I’m so inexperienced and dumb about this right now.
That’s a pretty hard thing to judge. Some people are actually forward about wanting to talk or meet but don’t say much in their texts. Some people write pages worth of shit but always dance around the issue of talking on the phone or meeting up. If someone does reply back thoroughly but seems shy about taking that next step, you either have to do it or you keep talking and perhaps they will warm up. You could attempt to move it to perhaps a Skype text talk or Skype voice call.
My first step was always to get a phone call in. It’s a wake up call to speak to someone who may be LOLing in textual conversation but when you hear them laugh it may turn you right off, or they can’t hold a train of thought with you or they do any number of things that may piss you off.
Just get a back and forth going about your interests first. Taking it to a phone call or meeting up for a lunch or coffee will actually come more naturally than you think. Don’t be too quick about it, but also keep your expectations real because women tend to get textual requests thrown at them more often than you will. If you don’t make the cut, don’t be offended.
Swing for the wall, my friend. Swing for the wall. All runners advance.
Edit: That’s Fire’s cue to drop in and tell me that I’m sexist or something. I’ll take the heat buddy.
Go batter batter batter, swing!
Edit 2: The above banter in no way should be taken as a sexual innuendo. The comments written here are simply baseball allegories and do not apply to any person, place or thing. Living or dead. All persons in this comment are law abiding citizens and love Our Savior Jesus. And Moses. And fucking Hammurabi. Do not Taunt Happy Fun Ball. Close Cover Before Striking.
I generally go quickly for the date. Online interaction isn’t a reliable predictor of in-person chemistry; extensive online correspondence is mostly a waste of time (all in IMHO of course). Plus some people just don’t want to meet in person at all and they’re just fucking around on the internets. Go for the date after a couple rounds of messaging once you’ve established that someone passes whatever sniff tests you come up with. Make your first date something short and low pressure, with an out if you’re having fun. E.g., when I was in Seattle coffee was a good starting point and if we’re having a good time after an hour it’s “hey want to go bowling,” or whatever.
Yes, I strongly second this. When I initially started on-line dating I spent a lot of time trying to get to know the person before setting up a date. It was a massive waste of time. As you get further into the process you realize that the whole point of the process is to set up as many dates as you can. It’s a numbers game. The more dates you go on, the more likely that one of them will be with someone who is a good match.
Further, the more you talk before the date, the more likely it is that one of you will say or do something to screw things up. E.g., she may say “I love four-wheeling!” and you’ll be all like, “Whoa – Not a good match.” Whereas if you’d skipped all that chatter, you may have gone on a date, found that she’s awesome and that you guys are a great match at which point, if she reveals that she loves four-wheeling your reaction would be totally different.
On June 2nd I will be marrying the woman I met via online dating. On paper we were probably not a great match. In reality, she is the best partner I’ve ever had and we are crazy happy. Always keep an open mind and get to the first date as soon as possible so you can see what that person is really like.
Thanks for the advice, dudes. Makes sense. Haven’t heard back from the 2 girls after I messaged them back. In the meantime I will continue to send out messages to new people. My goal is to get on at least one date before the end of the month.
