Perfect. Say exactly that. Not only will it reassure the woman that you are indeed ready to move forward, but it’s likely to induce a few tears as well, and I mean the good kind of tears. I realize that sounds like I’m making light of your situation, and please believe me that I am not at all, I am truly sorry for your loss and know from my friend’s experience that it is not an easy thing to endure. You do sound like you’ve reached a place where you are ready to move on though (from your comments), and it sounds like you’ll do just fine. Good luck with the profile!
love this part…
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services
kinda seems like that is exactly what he is after
Exidor, I can’t even imagine your situation, man. Good luck out there and I’m sorry to hear about your wife, man.
If my wife ever dies, I doubt I’d ever date again. I’d fall headlong into some 300+ hour RPG.
Ok, now I’m old.
Okay, after few weeks of down time, I’m taking myself out for an evening at a bar that has a strong presence in my town and circle of friends, where my ex-fiance and her band used to and still perform sometimes, and where we used to go to hang out with friends. It’s also where a more recent ex-girlfriend pulled the weird “eyefucking” behavior described upthread. This is partly an attempt to reclaim territory I want to continue enjoying. I went to this place before all this history, and I want to continue going there from time to time. I need to banish those other associations and make this place feel like neutral ground again.
I’m a little worried about running into my ex-fiance. If I do and I’m forced to interact, I don’t know what I would say. I still have feelings for her that I’ve been trying to shake, and she probably knows it, and she’s been intentionally stonewalling me ever since finding out about the more recent girlfriend, despite having been the one who wanted to break up in the first place and all the chances I was giving her to reverse her decision, and despite how awesome I was to her and to her family/friends throughout the painful breakup process.
Oh well, this is part of being an adult. Just gotta man up and play it by ear, I guess. Heading out the door in a couple of hours, wish me luck.
I always thought it was unrealistic in TV shows that all the characters keep randomly bumping into each other all the time. It felt like writing constrained by the fact they have to reuse sets.
If everyone really does hang out at the same bar, though, those drama filled scenarios make sense. I guess I’ve never been such a loyal patron to a place that I’d keep returning there no matter what happened.
Chances of running into folks I know are much higher at this particular place over other bars and venues, experience has shown. Especially on a Saturday. This is a small enough town and the place is popular enough.
It’s a fantastic place. Good location, great atmosphere, good food, good energy, great shows. Lots of bands I like only perform there. Avoiding it for the above reason – effectively blacklisting it from the places I choose go to – would feel too much like hiding, and would (in my mind) give too much power to something/someone.
I’ve been seeing tons of girls. However, now I have an absolutely beautiful woman who likes me a ton, and I like her just as much. We’re both taking it slow. And honestly, she’s more beautiful (emotionally and physically) than any of the others I’ve ever seen, and absolutely Montanan.
Because of my success with online dating, a couple of my non-barfly friends are also going to try it out. As one put it, “I lost my life last October, and now I’m trying to get it back.”
Exodor, I agree with the others. All the women I know would like you WAY more because of your strength. You show off some great traits. Hope it goes well for you.
Has anyone seen or used this Stray Boots site? I came across it while I was looking for date ideas and it seems really interesting. It appears to be a mobile-based tour/scavenger hunt around the USA’s big cities (and London) where they text you hints and facts and lead you around the city. It’s kind of like a guided tour that you can do at your own pace, but it also seems to include a number of different ‘game’ elements to make it fun too. There are 4 different tours for Philadelphia and jeez…like 15 for NYC. I would love to visit Nashville sometime and do the music one.
Anyway, I proposed this to my last week’s date and she seemed receptive, but is going to be tied up until later in the day Sunday this weekend. Trying to see if she wants to do something more local instead, but will keep this in the pocket for future use.
Thanks.
This is what I’ve come with for the “disclaimer” portion of my intro:
There are a few things you should probably know about me before reading further:
-I’m a widower. Yes, my wife passed away (cancer, if you must know) and yes, it sucks. You’re probably thinking “wow, I wonder if he’s over that?” It’s not the sort of thing you get over, it’s the sort of thing you deal with and move forward forever changed - but I’m ready to share my life with someone again.
-I have a 7 year old daughter. She’s terribly attached to her daddy and she is the most important part of my life. Dating is secondary and will happen in a way that doesn’t upset her life. If you’re looking for someone available to get together at a moment’s notice you’re probably going to be disappointed.
Too blunt?
I go back and forth about the “dating is secondary” bit. It’s true but might just be a little too forceful. I think it’s the sort of thing that will make perfect sense to parents and seem kind of dickish to those without kids.
For the first bit, too blunt and snarky. For the second bit, I’d rephrase to make the attachment mutual so that it’s easier to understand. If someone mistakenly assumes that the attachment goes from daughter to daddy but not the other way, that can create drama later in a relationship. Also use positive language.
I’d rephrase such. Feel free to discard or use as you like; it’s a little clinical because I like big words. (This is why nobody in their right mind would date me.)
- I’m a widower. My wife passed away after a battle with cancer several years ago. If you’re wondering if I’m “over it,” you should know that losing a loved one is never the sort of thing you get over, it’s the sort of thing you deal with and move forward forever changed. But I’m ready to share my life with someone again.
-I have a 7 year old daughter. She’s and I are very attached. It is important to me for dating to be minimally disruptive to my relationship with my daughter. That means that it will take planning and care to arrange dates, and that dates may not happen as frequently as you might like.
It’s tough for me to write without snark but I appreciate the advice. I particularly like your rephrasing of the second paragraph.
My suggestions - the ‘over it’ part seems a little unnecessary and just rubs me the wrong way. And I think changing the 2nd part to ‘we both might like’ makes it sound friendlier and less stand-offish.
- I’m a widower. My wife passed away after a battle with cancer several years ago. Losing a loved one is never the sort of thing you get over, it’s the sort of thing you deal with and move forward forever changed. But I’m ready to share my life with someone again.
-I have a 7 year old daughter. She and I are very attached. It is important to me for dating to be minimally disruptive to my relationship with my daughter. That means that it will take planning and care to arrange dates, and that dates may not happen as frequently as we both might like.
I like that!
Yeah, that’s good.
Yeah - thanks. A slightly altered form of that is now up on OK Cupid (along with a whole bunch of other stuff that I didn’t post - that would be weird if that was my whole bio).
Post a picture here. Mwahahaha
My profile has only been up for a few days and I’ve already started chatting with someone who seems promising. She’s new in town and I suggested she get out and check things out while she’s in between jobs.
Her response, in part: " i should do some of that I don’t like doing stuff alone. Id rather share it with someone…"
Damn, even a clueless buffoon like me can read between those lines.
Because I’ve posted various frustrations here regarding the whole online dating thing…and I’ve got a bit of a narcissism streak too, I figured I’d drop a short update.
Wasn’t getting anywhere with Match so I thought I’d try OKC about a month ago. OKC has much fewer people and lots more NSA sorts it seems. And after a month or so of not much to speak of I was on last Sunday discontinuing my account (1 day late to not have to pay for the next month, of course). I stayed logged in for no real reason while watching football and then got an email from a woman I hadn’t seen on since I’d been on (she had just logged in after a long hiatus and was debating disabling her account herself).
Anyway, I responded, we talked later that night, and saw each other Monday. Spent the last couple of days together, except when she was at work (I have Sun-Tues so wasn’t at work). Anyway, everything clicked pretty freaking amazingly, and we’re both off the online sites now.
Anyway, just wanted to pop on and say that despite mediocre results for months you can stumble into awesome in the blink of an eye.
Wow, did OKC turn into a pay site at some point? I know it was 100% free back when I tried it but that was a few years ago now.
Congrats!!