The worst sword ever

I’m sure there’s got to be 1000 contenders. I’ll start it off with the video that inspired the thread:

Now I say this knowing full well this wont be the worst sword. Ya, the guard would likely gut you if you swung it, and the square grip would likely turn easily and tear at your hands. And ya, the only thing you could really do with it is stab, which it would be too heavy and awkward to do well(ya, the two-handed stab!)…but it could probably club pretty well and that point could tear at you while you were being clubbed, particularly when it almost misses!

Oh, this is gonna be great! Hmmmm, hmmmm

Cloud’s sword?


Eh, that Blakckstar Starsword was more of a magic wand shaped like a sword.

Worst sword by what metric(s).

Isn’t the (plot) point of the Blackstar sword that it’s only half a sword? But it’s still got so much mojo that whoever has it is kinda stuck with it.

It would take years to find the WORST one, but I believe that the very worst swords are not even fictional – they are “fantasy swords” with lots of flanges and stupid decorations made in the real world for dorks who think they will look bad-ass waving them around in their sweaty Wolverine T-shirts. I will now dig some up at random.

These days many are tie-ins to franchises, like this one:

Or mere cheapo allusions to franchises, like this one:

Scarlet and black is a common color theme, firmly anchoring these in 80s dork culture:

There are inexplicable features like split blades:

And there are uhhhhhhh things like this:

But the worst one I’ve found in the past 5 minutes is THIS ONE:

Also check out r/mallninja.

This one is pretty bad, and is a stand out in the Final Fantasy line, but there is many other contenders.

You all know it.

Yeah, the Bat’leth is a top contender for sure.


I don’t know if the SORD should count.

Yeah, but can your sword cut through paper?

Edit: Sorry, more like a bad dagger than a sword. Please continue.

Boo, I love gunblades.

I dunno, man. Looks like you could cut a slice of bread and then shoot a hole in it with the same weapon. That can’t be all bad.

Do ring sabers count?

That was a terrible, unfunny movie. Just like any of the Austin Powers movies. Or Napoleon Dynamite. Puerile crap.

I like Spaceballs more than any Star Wars movie since the OT.