Toilet paper alternatives

I thought it might be funny to make light of the ridiculous tp shortages and brainstorm alternatives. A bidet that was posted is a nice solution, but I will post my own idea - leaves! I have a bunch in my front yard (not good as they’d crumble), but fresh maple leaves might kinda work in an emergency? If it were spring I’d imagine the ferns in my yard would provide a nice and soft - and who knows, might even do a decent job cleaning.

Post your crazy solutions.

If old outhouses are anything to go by then corn cobs work.

Video Game End User Licenses.

Man, those would clog the toilet something awful.

Maple is good, use the underside though. Top is a bit slick and doesn’t pull material well.

Yes, I do speak from experience.

Newspaper and magazines too.

Also from experience.

Speaking of ridiculously long things, CVS receipts.

A shame that we don’t collect phonebooks anymore.

Yeah, using an online phone book just doesn’t have the same appeal.

Oh, but on a plus note, JP must be feeling better if he is starting a thread like this!

Euro Game Products.

Three shells.

Isn’t there some kind of story behind “3 shells”?

Back in the day many outhouses kept old copies of Sears catalogs handy.

I suppose today you could go to and print all you need.

You have leaves?!? How much you want for say, one bag full?

Well it is kind of sacrilegious but a friend recommended using Bibles. You can find them in ample supply in almost any hotel room. You can wipe yer bum with the good word and get your booty godly clean!

My dog thinks the carpet works pretty well in a pinch.

I hate to come off all Marie Antoinette, but don’t you people have showers?

Yes! I get to post this again:

Bidets were common here before the Sweden interior horror spread everywhere. I am guessing they would go back in fashion… But for some strange reason France seems much less affected by the wacky hoarding of little white sheets than the rest of the capitalist world.

The amazing memory of JOHN MANY JARS recalls a timely verse:

Here I sit 'mongst smelly vapors
Waiting for some toilet paper.
How much longer must I linger
Before I have to use my finger?