Want to creep out your friends and family?

Order them a Book By You. It’s like a 200 page mad-lib. You give the characters names and traits, and they get assigned as necessary and printed out. And just look at the selection! Vampires, werewolves, the internet… they have everything. And previews!

Tom Chick is a nurse with a passion for saving lives and no plans for adding a different kind of passion in her life. That is, until she meets Tom Chick, a surfin’ doc whose dazzling good looks and dedication to his patients are everything she’s been looking for.

I remember getting something like that as a gift when I was 7 or 8, but it was a children’s book and even then I thought it was kind of lame. The grammar didn’t quite match up in places and it bugged me.

I don’t want to meet the sort of person who would find this sort of thing entertaining in any way except the “this is hilariously bad” sense. Maybe that’s the point.

 “Can I get your coffee?” Bradley offered, his striking blue eyes locked onto hers as they both moved to the front of the line.
 “No, really that’s okay. You’ve done enough. Thanks for helping things along. I would've been stuck in this line forever.”
 “Nonsense,” he replied, and then spoke to the barista. “Large coffee, black please, and a...”
 “I’ll have the same with a little cream,” she said, pushing an errant strand of red hair from her forehead.
 When the barista turned to prepare their drinks, Bradley offered his hand to Angie.  “Bradley Wardell.”
 “Nice to meet you, Mr. Wardell. I guess chivalry isn’t dead. I’m Angie  Gallant,” she replied taking his hand in hers and feeling her skin warm to his touch. 

“Its been a long time, Bradley,” she whispered seductively, as she pressed her parted lips against his. He felt the smooth wetness of the gloss from her lips reignite the stirring in his body that had been smoldering all night. His desire could not be contained and he reached up pulling her closer, feeling her silky smoothness. Not to be outdone, Angie removed his bow tie and began to quickly unfasten the buttons on his shirt as Bradley lifted her dress, and pulled her over him, her legs straddling his lap.
“Angie,” Bradley moaned raggedly, as she released the button securing his pants…


I think you may have just rimbo’ed yourself there, Kalle.

Yeah, Kalle, I’d suggest you edit your post (or maybe even delete it) and back slowly away from the keyboard.

Not sure what’s in the water around here, but lotsa dudes have a serious case of the creepies lately.

And I’ll extend that same invitation right back at you, along with a condescending sneer at your delicate sensibilities.

Is my post creepy? Hell yes. That was the point. It’s the “Want to creep out your friends and family?” thread, and all the text is copied verbatim from Book By You.


I laughed.

My wife got a kick out of the ‘Vampire Kisses’ preview, it’s hilariously over the top. I can’t really imagine anyone wanting one of these for real, but they would definitely make some great gag gifts. They even have a Nascar one!

They came to a large, open area of pure white sand and laid out brightly colored towels.
“Now I understand why you are so… hmm… what’s the word? Intrigued… by Bill Dungsroman,” Rimbo stated matter-of-factly, sitting down and reaching into her straw bag for sunscreen.
Jerri was slightly taken aback by the statement. “Well, I told you he was handsome.”
“Understatement of the year. The fact is, girlfriend, he is hot! And by the way, when he said he’d blame you if he’s ‘DQed’ - what’s that?”
Jerri laughed as she pulled her auburn hair up into a bun. “Disqualified. He’s worried the restrictor plate advice I gave him to push his car’s speed will get him in trouble with the officials. Anyway, so what if he is hot? What’s the big deal?”
Rimbo eyed her with a wicked grin. “No big deal, huh? Then I guess you don’t mind if I ask him out?”
“Of course not. He’s all yours.”
“Uh-huh,” Rimbo murmured, patting her body with a layer of sunscreen. “Seriously?”
“Whatever,” Rimbo laughed. “Come on, how long have we known each other, Jerri? I can tell you’re attracted to him.”
Jerri chose not to respond. Arguing with Rimbo was futile…

Arguing with Rimbo was futile…

Come on, you added that on yourself.

Nope – but that’s the line that prompted me to post it :)

Brad viewed Elemental suspiciously, with a blue-eyed gaze as she grabbed a chair from the kitchen table and joined her friend in front of the computer. “What are you up to?” she asked knowing Elemental all too well.
“It’s Discreet Dates dot com.”
“Yeah, so.”
Elemental turned, with a mischievous grin.
“No, Elemental! I told you, I’m done!”
“Okay, so don’t get mad yet,” she pleaded.
“No way, Elemental! Never again! Remember all that talk about trying too hard?”
“Well, I didn’t say don’t try at all! I’m worried about you. You haven’t been on a date in nearly a year-”
“Six months and I haven’t had time. Elemental, we have to get our new business off the ground,” Brad protested, running a hand through her blonde hair.
Elemental ignored her friend’s interruption, not missing a beat, “Seriously, Brad, I’m thinking you’re turning into a hermit and it’s time to drag you out of your shell!”
“You’re exaggerating, as usual. Besides, the memory of Melroy bringing his mother on our first date still haunts me.”
“I think Discreet Dates can help."…


This thread is awesome. I hope it continues.


Don’t be so shy. In fact all dudes are creepy. Prince Charles once said he has to think about sex each 5 minutes.

Feeling better now?

 "Steven Gerrard, what's going on?" Prince Charles asked, as he slowly spun her around attempting to keep a clear view of his table. "What's with this game you're playing?" All he wanted to do was end the dance and get back to his girlfriend Princess Diana.
    Steven Gerrard laid her head on his shoulder, positioning her lips a breath away from his neck, her short, brown hair gently brushing against his cheek. Without missing a beat, she answered, "I'm not up to anything," she said innocently. "It's been a long time since I've seen you and I just wanted to say hello and have a dance with my buddy. Is there any harm in that?"
    He didn't believe her - not in a New York minute. "Wrong answer," he said, his impatience growing.
    Steven Gerrard gently brushed her warm, wet lips against his neck. 
    "Stop that!" he pleaded, glancing again at Princess Diana to see if she was watching.  His girlfriend's eyes glared back at him from their table. She hadn't missed a thing. The glance spoke volumes - the rest of the evening was going to be hell.
     Steven Gerrard, once again, moved her lips ever so slowly along his neck. "That bothers you?" she said, in a soft, sultry voice. . .


“Intrigued… by Bill Dungsroman” sounds like a designer fragrance.

I know what I’m getting my Secret Santa name!


In Starstruck, Derek Smart is a starship commander with a reputation as a daredevil who embarks on his toughest mission yet: escorting David Allen, a famously demanding diplomat, to negotiate a high-stakes treaty between warring alien nations. But our couple’s clashing personalities and instant chemistry spark a battle of their own!

… The diamond-shaped shuttle floated in the bay doors, and moved down toward the deck platform before cutting its boosters and landing noiselessly. The craft’s door tilted upward, followed by Kevlar stairs that descended to the deck and the dark brown-haired female diplomat emerged.
Seldom shocked, Derek felt his jaw drop.
“Oh, no,” First Officer Alganon muttered under his breath.
“Small galaxy, eh?” Derek responded. After a short pause, the two men strode toward the diplomat.
She reached the final step and stopped abruptly. The surprised expression on her lovely face would have been amusing if Derek didn’t suspect it mirrored his own dismay.
Derek took a deep breath. “You must be Ms. Allen,” he said smoothly.
“You’re Commander Smart?”
“You remember.”
“You’re in charge of this vessel?”
Alganon grimaced at Derek. “Hell of a coincidence.”
“No kidding.”
“I don’t think this will work, Commander,” David said, the fire in her blue eyes making it clear she was mentally replaying the events from when they’d met at the casino on Enceladus.
He frowned. “Listen, I know neither of us is thrilled with this arrangement, but we both have our orders.”
“I can’t believe EISA would let you command a starship.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I do—you’re a cocky ladies’ man who gambles excessively and likes to fight.” She glared with disapproval.
Alganon winced while Derek plodded on. “I probably deserve that, but what you don’t know is that I’m very good at my job. I’ll get you to Minerva Seven and back safely. Isn’t that what matters most?”
She folded her arms across her chest and scrunched her lips to one side. “Just keep your distance. Our relationship is purely professional…”

That one is awesome.