What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

#563

I’m glad the zoo recognizes that the jaguar did nothing wrong. Although I do not wish ill upon anybody, I have to admit there is a teensy weensy bit of me that thinks that the woman deserved to be severely mauled for such egregious stupidity.

#564

That zoo is near where I grew up and where my parents still live. We took my kids (and my sister’s kids) there many, many times. Glad to see them reacting proportionately and appropriately here.

#565

Seems to me that we need a public announcement for the current generation of fucking dipshits that big kitties are savage creatures full of piss, anger, and sharp pointy objects that they can use with frightening accuracy. Jesus. Between antivaxxers, tide pod consumers, and trumpian asswipes, I despair for the future of our species. We just get stupider each generation.

#566

I think maybe they aren’t any dumber than previous generations, they are just more empowered to act on their dumbness, and modern media makes it more likely that you will hear about it.

Back in the day they probably would have just fallen down a well, or got run over by a combine, or eaten by wild animals (in the wilderness, not a zoo).

#567

Sigh. I guess. Probably lots of dumbasses met their end doing remarkable stupid things in any era, it’s just that they [citation needed] didn’t have their own real-live tricorders back then.Or maybe it’s the tricorders themselves that make us stupider.

So HMB while I do some research on this

#568

Non-workers being hurt at zoos isn’t new at all. People getting hurt for a selfi though, well that doesn’t get old and is fairly new.

#569

Only if said creature* doesn’t get put down because lawyers.

Hell, there should be a medal for the critter to show off. Or paint little people icons on the side of its enclosure, one for each well-deserved mauling.

*The animal, obviously. I don’t mind if the intruder gets put down.

#570

True. She’s lucky she didn’t lose that arm over a selfie.

#571

Cool!
I want one for a pet!
It’s just a damn over-sized housecat. How hard could it be?

#572

She experienced some pain and did apologize to the zoo. I don’t wish more suffering on her. This is about the best outcome for a stupid human doing stupid stuff with a wild animal. The animal lives and the woman will never do this again. We hope.

#573

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#574

Stop staring at the lion’s butt. You were, just stop it.

#575

I mean one of my first regular internet stops was the Darwin Awards. They made a goddamn movie on it too.

It’s just 20 years ago we had to go looking for these stories to mock people.

Now when someone knocks a nut off with a belt sander it’s on the 9 o’clock news when they sue the manufacturer.

#576

I wonder if they would have been in even deeper shit if they had simply told their supplier/whatever, “Sorry we lost your money”, and not inquired about it any further. I mean, a prison sentence sounds preferable to pissing off some of these individuals.

#577
#578

Sometimes I get out of the shower and it takes too long to fully dry myself off, even with a towel.

#579

With the ‘douse yourself in gasoline’ method, you wouldn’t even need to light it on fire for it to dry you off. Win!

#580

I’ve heard you can kill a hornet’s nest this way too!

#581
#582

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