Porn is Boring - the New Paradigm in Sexual Voyeurism

Everything else
1

Before I saw porn I thought it was really cool. It was still pretty cool after a few viewings. Then the porn actresses started becoming unattractive to me.

For starters, they are shitty actresses. Great actresses make themselves look all the hotter. Models do the same thing. Laetitia Casta may have a world class body, but the way she and photographers present her adds even more. Carmen Electra on the other hand, with an outstanding body as well, never looks nearly as hot. Laetitia Casta understands how to make herself look good.

When guys talk about their dream women, they inevitably name an actress or a model, and not a porn star. Actresses add a lot of value to their physical attributes by having a good surrounding context (a movie or TV show), while great models specialize in being super sexy.

Look at the faces of porn actresses. They have a kind of tired look… this look is even more pronounced on male porn stars. They also have an incredibly jaded attitude toward sex (which is realistic, but not appealing).

There is more money in the top ranks of acting and modelling than there is in porn, and more respect as well. This does tend to push the elite physical forms toward these professions.

Yet a few porn actresses, and I’ll single out Chasey Lain, have bodies every bit as good as high-grade models, or wet dream inspiring actresses. If Laetitia Casta showed up available on my doorstep, we would spend a week in bed, while I’d have to think about taking Chasey Lain in even for the night.

I just have no interest in watching porn anymore. It doesn’t attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it. I’ll occasionally watch Krista Allen in some semi-porn, but that’s it.

Since models and actresses don’t do semi-porn and often don’t even have simulated sex in movies (it has to be carefully handled or it lowers their fan appeal), replacing porn with this sort of thing isn’t effective.

Isn’t the problem with porn that the “actresses” are jaded and perfunctory and boring? Sex is hot, but they make sex NOT hot, a real accomplishment.

The solution then is to introduce Real Sex. That is to say, film normal (attractive) people having sex with distribution handled as it is now for porn. The idea is that this is a hobby for the people filmed, it doesn’t become their livelihood and thus they don’t turn into the traditional problem. Some of the popular stars of Real Sex would become porn actresses… it would serve as a kind of farm system for the porn industry.

Perhaps the best procedure is for wannable Real Sex players to film themselves having sex, moderated by a Website with a collection of such, then those that “make the cut” get a professional film crew to increase the quality of their productions and to move to higher revenue distribution.

Net result? The end product is more appealing to the consumer!

2

Should we have a contest for writing a response to this?

3

Wow, “amateur porn!” What a brilliant idea! I’ll bet you could sell not only videos, but even base entire Internet sites around it!

4

Finally, Koontz masturbates about masturbation.

I hope this is his final post because it would be a fitting end to this character.

Chet

5

I can’t stop laughing. You win the prize.

6

That’s a lot of typing with just one hand.

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I just have no interest in watching porn anymore. It doesn’t attract me, and I really have to work to successfully masturbate to it.

The goggles, they do nothing!

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Super Porno Bros.

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TOO.

MUCH.

INFORMATION.

11

This is like one of those moments when you’re hanging out with your best buds, sitting around by the campfire, drinking beer, and shooting the shit, and then one of your friends (or maybe you) miscontrues that What Is Said By The Campfire Stays By The Campfire and says something mortally embarassing, like, “I really like wearing my wife’s frilly french lingerie” and then there’s this gawdawful loud pause as everyone digests that for what it is.

Man, I hurt my sides laughing.

12

Perhaps it’s a form of therapy, similar to AA.

‘Hello, my name is Brian and I’m a wanker’.

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Yet a few porn actresses, and I’ll single out Chasey Lain, have bodies every bit as good as high-grade models, or wet dream inspiring actresses.

Is that so.

Also, totally agreeing with Ben Sones.

14

First monster closets and now this. Stop it guys, you’re killing me!

15

I suggest we all chip in and buy Koontz a pair of choggle pants.

16

You know, Brian, given your complete alienation from the process of having sex with actual women, I figured you were bound to be some sort of idiot savant when it came to pulling your pud. So I’m sort of disappointed that it turns out that you know just as much about pleasuring yourself as you do about the works of Charles Bukowski, Harvey Pekar, Jim Thompson, neo-conservatism, the ethics of rape, Doom’s status as the first MMORPG, etc… absolutely nothing. Here’s a hint though: if you have to “work” at masturbating to media that doesn’t “attract” you, you’re totally missing the point of jerking off. It isn’t like doing a dozen push-ups in the morning or memorizing a poem a day or learning Swahili or taking ballroom dancing lessons or something - you don’t do it for the personal edification of your soul, you do it because you want to.

The only thing that is more loathsome and creepy than imagining you jerking off in the first place is the apparently commonplace occurrence of you jerking off to things that don’t even attract you. Could you do us all a favor and list alphabetically all the things that don’t do anything for you? Because since these are the only things you bother jerking off to, I want to avoid inadvertently starting dicussions that might compel you to indulge yourself in another grim-lipped, unblinking and unwanted orgasm. Like linoleum, correct semi-colon usage, Milanovich’s astronomic theory, etc.

17

Koontz’ post is a joke, right? RIGHT?

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I’d be willing to bet that the K-man is getting off knowing that so many folks are reading about his masturbatory habits, drawn in like flies to a pitcherplant. What were we expecting from a Koontzian thread? Insight? Sweetness? We all know Koontz’ posts can be the mental equivalent of a airplane crash. We come here to pick through the bloody body parts, disembodied brains, tangles of intestines, and shattered bone fragments to see if anything resembles humanity. And now he’s enjoying every minute of it. Really enjoying it.

You know what I mean.

So we get what we deserve for this little walk into Koontz’ wild side. I hope you all feel dirty. I know I do.

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Hey Brian, maybe you’re looking at the wrong kind of porn. You know, with the wrong participants. The Greeks in particular thought women useful only for, you know, breeding… otherwise many of them would engage in other mutually-pleasurable activities.

Just a thought.

20

Hey Brian, maybe you’re looking at the wrong kind of porn. You know, with the wrong participants. The Greeks in particular thought women useful only for, you know, breeding… otherwise many of them would engage in other mutually-pleasurable activities.

Just a thought.