DERPSPACE: Encounter at Regula O.S.S. |OT| A bold new space game by Gordon Cameron


Someone got it. My day is complete.


I took the liberty of putting together a mock up of a new star type I’d like to see in DERPSPACE, the pulsar. The funny thing about pulsars is just how awesome they are, and any space game that wants to be taken seriously will have plenty of them to go around. I mean, astronomers have already found almost 2000 of these fantastic objects in our galaxy, and these are just the ones lined up in such a way that we can detect them from earth. There are an estimated 2,000,000 neutron stars in the Milky Way alone, so once we get into deep space, we’re bound to find thousands more pulsars when we get a chance to search for them from different angles.

Here’s my simulation of Vela Pulsar (it sits 900-1000 light years from earth, fully rotating 11-12 times per second). In an effort to achieve maximum realism, I set the blinking speed to closely match the real life rotation speed of Vela. Imagine this image was captured with your ships on-board x-ray and radio telescopes:


As you can see above, the game has just SPRUNG TO LIFE. Reality has never been so nearly attainable. Compare my simulation with an actual recording of Vela Pulsar’s radio pulse. Note how perfectly they match up:

Now imagine finding a cluster of these beautiful space jewels. Now imagine a dozen of them filling your ship’s console; once the seizures subside, it would be the gravy train to riches and wealth beyond imagination–as recent reports have finally verified that colliding binary pulsars are indeed the origin of almost all the most precious metals in the known universe. Amazing, yo.


Gravity-wave derptector or bust.


Such a detector should only pick up collisions as they occur (I’m assuming something like massive portable Space LIGO detectors here, and faster than light travel/warp, meaning time travel), no point in heading into such dangerous environments. The best place to find useful resources should be older remnants.

We need to keep this game somewhat grounded. I’m not spending thousands on a toy.


@kerzain In addition to my exhaustive investigations in astrophysics (I have totally bookmarked ‘Cosmos’ on Netflix even though Neil DeGrasse Tyson is kind of annoying) I will also be consulting with my friend who works at JPL (I actually have one!) and a SPACE LAWYER (I actually know one!) to determine the feasibility of realistic pulsar interactions in an Asky ™ Engine framework. I have no idea what a SPACE LAWYER would have to say about it, but I never miss an opportunity to announce that I know a SPACE LAWYER. Also, my friend at JPL doesn’t have a degree in astrophysics or anything like that.

Meanwhile, we are excited to announce Alpha 1.6!


  • Introducing SPACE PIRATES! These cosmic buccaneers, whose spacecraft are designed in an organic whorl meant to resemble the Milky Way Galaxy itself (i.e., @), wander through the sector in search of arrrrr space booty. Their movement pattern is entirely procedurally generated, which is to say, it’s based on the outcome of a random integer between 0 and 3.
  • Coffee Drinking has now been integrated with the Persistent Universe, and is fully animated too! You can stop to enjoy a refreshing pick-me-up (just $4.99 per cup of Virtual Peet’s, assuming Peet’s actually returns my calls) at any time during your cosmic odyssey.

  • Look Out Window function has been improved to include a window frame. (Note: CSI is not responsible for any seizures suffered while playing DERPSPACE or while looking at the below gif)

  • Title text is now 70% more Sid Meier-esque (or American McGee-esque, if that’s your bag)
  • Starbases now know your ship’s name, creating an unbelievably intelligent, procedural, and immersive ship-to-base communication experience!
  • Client stability has been improved.


OMG did you see how quick they rolled out that coffee feature? These devs are truly devoted to their fans. They hang on our every word!


Suck it, haterz! Derpspace is going to be so awesome!



This should probably be a Reddit thread. It’s too damn good to keep to ourselves

“Please do not open” - when I saw that I was hoping we’d be getting DERPSPACE loot boxes


Have you ever opened a DERPSPACE Destroyer window at .8c? It’s not a good idea.


Very true. I lost my pet Tribble™ that way.


While I understand that you can’t render a coffee house on every star, I think it would improve the realism if I could have a fully functional coffee house where I can interact with a menu, talk the ear off of a barista with a human-like AI, and then study my star maps in the corner for a couple of hours so that people know I’m important.

Also, can I get tea?


We’re way ahead of you. On the roadmap is the capability to get a job as an interstellar barista and serve coffee to other spaceships all day long. We believe this will meet the needs of literally thousands of players who tire of the same old ‘pirate/trader/bounty-hunter’ career path spectrum.

After all, there has been a sad and permanent decline in the quantity and quality of intergalactic food/drink-service games since Tapper in the 1980s:


We’re considering putting that on the roadmap. However, look at this instructional video which explains why coffee is objectively superior:


That video amuses me greatly as I’m a Bengals fan, and that commercial stars Anthony Munoz, the team’s only hall of fame player ever. I think this means coffee ruined my football franchise or that he’s the only player in team history to drink coffee.


We’ve received some complaints about Vertical Creep, which is to say that the DERPSPACE screen is getting increasingly tall.

We’ve thought about two possible solutions for this.

  1. Redesign game layout.

  2. Make DERPSPACE a Vectrex exclusive.


We’re currently leaning toward Option 2. We’ll keep you posted!


I think you’re missing the big picture. This clearly needs to be ported to Virtual Boy for the immersion factor.


After the Viewmaster port. I can’t say much, but there are big financial commitments at stake.

Big. Commitments.



I love you so much, and now even MORE THAN EVER regret selling my Vectrex so many years ago. Ah well, time for a rebuy I guess.

Oh yeah.


First principle in space game design: always suck up to Brian Rubin


Vectrex looks like it would be a hell of a machine for Dig Dug. If DERPSPACE ends up being a pack-in game on the console’s relaunch, Dig Dug will probably be my first purchase.